Some days all I can think is please let the sadness wash away quickly. And then I think about my sweet baby O sitting there in his new glasses asking Siri “how to spell giraffe in Russian”. Siri never spells it but she says it in Russian and he laughs and laughs and laughs. And now he looks very studious in his glasses when he is asking. Owen slept until after five this morning. I woke numerous times searching for him around me. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to him sleeping through the night. He does it so infrequently that when it does happen I’m still at a loss. It felt like my pins and needles had pins and needles today. The more he is learning to voice his opinions also means the more mine are wrong, even if they are something concrete like the light isn’t going to change to green if you scream at it or me. I can’t even think through all of the screams he had today about moments that happened years ago. Summers are so hard and confusing to him and when people come in and out of his life how do I even explain this to him. Here we are establishing a new routine but it will only last three more weeks. I have to keep telling myself about the benefits of him going to summer school and it truly is a blessing for him. But it’s still hard. The pressure on me to get everything right seems overwhelming some days. I have to be on my toes constantly. Saying one wrong word can create hours of Owen spiraling. So I breathe. I’ve been telling him for days that we were going to get his glasses today. I asked him if he knew what I meant. He said, “check the board can you see the heart”. The doctor used shapes for him in the eye exam. His memory is never-ending. When we got to the office he knew “we have to wait our turn”. What he didn’t understand is that you try to be courteous and respectful of other people in the waiting room. He wanted his tablet but he wanted the volume turned way up. I told him he could have his tablet but he needed to keep the volume down. This lead to him biting a hole in his shirt and screaming. I try to teach him how we act and react around others but how do you stop a moving train. It was our turn and for some reason, Owen wanted to not go the direction they wanted us to but thankfully they accommodated us without even a question and put us in the room he wanted to go to. This made him very happy. Within minutes we had his glasses and my frazzled self and he walked back to the car. The night wore on with him wearing his glasses somewhat near his eyes and somewhat across his mouth. For the first day, I’ll take it. He screamed himself to sleep talking about the teacher he has now, his teacher he’ll have again in August, and all of his appointments that he has next week. I breathe. I keep thinking about when he walked up to me, wearing his glasses, and in all Thai, he asked me to look up “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall with a castle”. We learned, we loved, and we grew today. Find your strength and grow tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.