Somewhere between A and B, I’m standing, maybe floating is the better term. Everything seems to be something anymore. Owen woke early and he woke anxious from the start. It didn’t take me long to follow suit. The days blend into nights. He yelled a lot today. Mostly happy screams, but some were directed at me for different reasons. I was full of emotions for each one of them. School isn’t starting here until September, if then. I wanted to cry about it again today. How do I prepare him to go back into the world when I’ve kept him isolated for so long. We hardly go anywhere, but I need to start taking him more places and seeing more people. Oh wait, the mask thing, I remind myself. He has a hard time seeing everyone with a mask over their face, especially when it is someone he knows. When he goes back to school he will actually be in the classroom. That’s how he has to learn so that’s what we have to do. I cried a little harder today at lunch, worried, and wondering how far he is slipping behind already. I’ve tried to keep him learning and growing, but I’m also human and exhausted. He doesn’t like any type of video conference call and barely will tolerate phone calls themselves. It’s stressful the entire time I’m watching a video or on a call. He screams more and if he doesn’t do it right that minute it’s meltdowns to come. All I can do is pray. He ate great today, played his guitar but mostly with his feet, and he worked on his tablet. I keep reminding myself one day at a time. I try not to be too hard on myself and keep moving forward. For the love of my sweet baby O, I’m growing and learning. Find your inspiration and motivation and know that you are a lot stronger than you think you are. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.