How much does a schedule mean when it’s not the schedule you want. And how much sadness can you have. The answer is a lot. No matter how you look at this it’s hard on Owen. Harder than hard, really. He wants his routine, he wants his schedule, he wants the life he loves. And I don’t blame him one bit. It’s so hard right now to not be able to give him his tiny version of the world. He goes through cycles of what he requests to do and then today was a big meltdown and a whole bunch of small ones because he couldn’t see his teacher or go to school. I told Owen the school was “broken” when all of this started. I try to explain it in terms that he understands. My heart aches when I can’t figure out the words to give him the comfort he needs. I have tried to keep a smile on my face and the fear away from my heart, my brave chicken face shining through. I want to take Owen to all the places he requests and this to be the growing, learning memory that changes us for the good. I have reflected back on the life I had and the days and moments in time that made me who I am today. I keep trying to remember that every stepping stone, no matter how far apart they are from each other is still a step forward. Like I always tell Owen let’s grow together. I’m determined to take the sadness I feel from all of this and turn it into something positive. We can’t let our challenges be what keeps us rooted in our past. As many meltdowns as Owen had he also did many amazing things. He’s learning to ride his scooter, tell time, do addition, use silverware, and other life skills. I’m thankful to see his smile shine through even when I know how hard it has been on him. The hugs, the kisses, the words, the growth, and that charm that gets me to do the steps he knows how to do all show me that through it all we are a team and together we will get through this. He listened incredibly well today and for the most part was calm. I hugged him a lot. I probably needed it more than him. Walk through the memories, but know that tomorrow is what you are looking for. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.