It truly seemed to be a rollercoaster ride today. Owen woke numerous times through the night. His first before midnight, but he actually got up and went to the bathroom. I didn’t want to talk to him too much to wake him up more, even though he was screaming I could tell he was more asleep than awake. I hadn’t gotten to the bathroom quicker enough so I had to change him. Luckily within five minutes, he was back asleep again. I truly was shocked by the way he was screaming. He woke happy this morning, pretty full of energy. Me, not so much. Sluggish is probably the best way to describe me. The last few weeks have had a big toll on me emotionally. One thing after another snowballing into an avalanche that I felt like I couldn’t get out of the way from. Here we are now a few weeks away from Owen possibly going back to school and I feel so unprepared. It seems like I don’t even know what to prepare Owen for and I’m not sure I should be preparing him for anything, yet I know I have to get him acclimated somehow to the changes our world keeps throwing at us. He ate like he was starving all day. More snacks than I can count, dinner seemed like it lasted for three hours with three separate meals. He ate some of the beefsteak I made, but more so the rice and gravy that I gave him with it. Makes me excited to see him eating food with his utensils. He uses one hand with the spoon and the other hand to take the grains of rice in and out of his mouth as he eats. I’m constantly trying to remind him to leave his food in his mouth, but it’s all a sensory need for him. Bedtime was once again a hard time for him. He yelled about the lights that weren’t on and he wanted the phone on. Every time I thought he was asleep he would pop up again yelling about the lights. He started pointing towards the curtains and you can see a tiny amount of light streaming through the top. Every noise is a noise and every light shines when I least expect it and know what to do. One day at a time, one second at a time, and one breathe at a time. I told him as often as I could today that I love him, bringing me as much comfort as it might have for him. I need him to understand it’s not always easy, but together we can get through it all. Move mountains when you don’t think you can’t even push another grain of sand and watch your world change. You are stronger than you ever imagined. Make today matter. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.