The last few days feel like we are back on a rollercoaster that I thought we were off of. Owen has been emotional, and everything seems to be daunting, for both of us the last few days. When I picked Owen up yesterday, I needed to mail a few things. He can handle the post office at the mall, but the one near our house sends him into meltdowns over the thought of going; we’ve only been there once, and he still talks about it months later. I wanted to come home first, let him have a snack, and then we would go to the mall, where he likes to ride the elevators. I asked him if he wanted to go to elevators, as we were walking home from the school bus. He said, “no mommy change your clothes off”. Home means home. That’s it. I should have brought the snack with me, and we go straight to the mall, but time didn’t permit that. When we got home, he cried, screamed, and told me, “we’re not going to de elevators today”. Two hours in, he decided he did want to go to the mall, he did want to ride the elevators. We went, I really needed to mail a few things. He did good at the mall, but it threw off our whole evening, and it lead to more emotional moments for both of us. Luckily, he fell asleep quickly, but the night was rough for him. He got into bed with me at some point, and it felt like I was having a flashback from years ago. He was screaming for his teacher, kicking around in the bed, and only wanted to lay there with his feet pushing on my face. These behaviors were gone, and here they are resurfacing again. Breathe Lynn, I kept telling myself. There are no plans to go anywhere tonight, hoping to create a calm for our evening. When routine is off this creates rifts for days, months, and years ahead. I wish I was exaggerating. Today, I dream of calm for my baby. I want him to find the comfort he seeks in the chaos of our world. Find your strength, know that you are amazing, and live your dreams out loud. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.