I don't think there is an emotion I didn't cover today. At one point I was mad. I really can't figure that one out. Why mad!?!? I wasn't mad about the school or the people or even the circumstances just mad. Maybe it was just one more feeling that had to come out. Maybe I was mad because that is what was left to feel at that point. I'm learning that any emotion is okay and I'm gonna have lots of them.
Today was a good day and a sad day and a happy day. I try to judge Owen's emotions and how he is feeling based on his eye contact, his need to be near me, and his want for his usual things. I wonder if I get it right some days. Today after I picked him up I got a big hug and the sweet little voice saying momma, momma. That is exactly what I needed.
The hardest part of this is not being able to really communicate with my son. I think he understands lots of things. I think he is very smart but when it comes to telling me things he can't yet put those stories into words. I got so excited today when we got home, I let him walk up to the house and he leaned down to pick up a leaf. He said eaf, eaf, momma as he held the leaf up for me to see. I was so excited for this little communication. I cherish these moments with him when he is fully engaged in his surroundings and he can express what he wants to tell me. I hope they get easier and easier for him to make these connections.
Owen likes to gather toys together and hold as many things as he can in his arms. Maybe this is a comfort thing for him. When he got into the classroom he started gathering things and was carrying them around. A few of the other little kids approached Owen and when he would drop something they picked it up and handed them back to him. I thought thank goodness because this helped Owen to not have a meltdown. I told one little boy thank you for helping Owen picked up the toys and he looked right at me and said "ah, it'll be alright." I looked at this little boy and thought yup it has to be alright.
I haven't yet made up my mind if preschool is right for Owen but it is for our right now. Every day I see these changes in Owen and look for the spark in his eye. He said "home" today, a word that he hadn't said in months. Just knowing he has that word somewhere in his memory made me so excited. Home is this comfy little word of love to me and to hear him say it just brought tears to my eyes. Tomorrow will be a brand new day with new adventures of preschool. I think today was a good day for him at school, I hope. We will see where it leads and hopefully we both won't cry tomorrow... Crying is okay though, right?!?!