I tried to hold back the tears as I stood in front of the principal, picking up Owen’s school packet. I dropped him off with my mom while I went because I knew it would be too hard to explain to him why he couldn’t stay at school. Heck, it was too hard for me standing there with a thousand emotions running through my veins. He hasn’t stopped asking for school, his teacher, the bus, and everything else that should be part of his routine. I keep telling myself this is like summer and we have to get through it. That doesn’t help the tears for either one of us. It’s absolutely heartbreaking to hear Owen crying out for his teacher all day. Tears actually rained down Owen’s cheek. He cries, but generally, it’s crying that is a mix of emotions not soggy tears. These were huge crocodile tears. All I could do is hold him and tell him it was going to be fine. And remember that the screams of joy and happiness will continue to come like they are right now. I don’t know how to even begin to explain all of this to Owen and I have difficulty understanding it myself. The information keeps changing, but yet stays the same. We will be home indefinitely. I watched Owen cry those tears and I had to find a way to calm him when I wanted to cry the big tears too. We have been going bowling every Saturday for almost two years. In the grand scheme of life that’s the little things that keep us going. It took us years to work through going out, doing activities, and now Owen requests to go places. Every time we get in the car he wants to go someplace. “Let’s go eat”, he says. I worry, overthink, and cry at the possibilities this will bring more social anxiety back to him. One day at a time, lots of prayers, and thoughts that everything will be fine keep me going. We started with his lessons today and I downloaded more of the apps he uses for school. More joy washed over his face as he went through the activities. This is what I will continue to focus on, well I’ll give it my gung-ho all to focus on it. I remind myself, positive words and positive actions equal a positive life. The sun will shine again, the birds will sing, and tomorrow will be a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.