If I’ve had one emotion today I’ve had them all. We woke early and I woke multiple times throughout the night. I cannot wait until this break is over. It has been extremely difficult for Owen, probably the hardest break from school he has ever had. When he can’t figure out the routine and it changes constantly it makes it even more difficult for him. And any change is huge to him. All he wanted me to do this morning was “sit down”. If I got up for anything his foot would start taping and he got a squeal in his voice. My heart aches for my little boy and knowing that I can’t always make it easier for him is hard. He doesn’t have the comprehensive skills to understand everything that I’m trying to explain to him. At the beginning of the break, he would ask me what he was doing for the days ahead, wanting me to go through all of them. Now he asks about the days, but screams as soon as I don’t say his teacher’s name, and covers his ears immediately. I keep counting the moments until he goes back. Even when I try to keep his day consistent that doesn’t help because we still had the holidays to get through. I’m holding back the tears thinking how hard all of this is for my baby. He has rules for going places that help him establish order in the chaos around us. If I stay too long at my parent’s house that throws him off because that’s his time with them and me being there means we need to go home. He will drag my purse to the door, wanting us to leave. If I explain what’s happening with words that mean something else to him he will have a meltdown because we are heading in the wrong direction. I told him we were going to eat at my parent’s house. He thought that meant we were going to a restaurant. He loves to go see his grandparents, but as soon as I turned towards their house and not the restaurant he immediately went into a meltdown. He screamed and kicked in his carseat when he realized I was going in what he felt was the wrong direction. He kept saying, “let’s go eat”. I couldn’t even take him to the place because it was closed for New Year’s Day. I breathe, the deep breath kind to free my mind. I want calm for my baby and some days that’s impossible for him to find. I’m thankful for his words and connections he is making, knowing this will help him through our journey. Today is one moment in time. Find your strength, push forward, and know that you are not alone. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.