The answer is no sleep for me. Seriously, who needs sleep anyway. Let the sleep be gone. Owen did not fall asleep until almost midnight. Midnight. All I can think about is midnight. He paced for almost an hour crying. No words to describe his emotions. I have tons of them. I’m sad, mad, upset, bewildered, and downright emotional, with a cherry on top. Why does it have to be so hard for my baby. He kept popping up, wanting milk, his tablet, and anything else that would keep him awake. I tried to distract him. I tried to hold him. I tried not to cry and scream. There are a million emotions floating through my brain and all I can do is push forward. This is my baby. Why, oh why does this have to be so difficult. I hear those words that people say this gets easier. I want to stare back at them with that no expression emoji, like what are you talking about. I see growth in my baby and I certainly see progress, but when your child is walking around so sleepy, crying, and you can’t do anything to help them, it’s hard. And me, I’m a walking zombie today. Long gone are the days that I don’t require sleep. The good news Owen woke happy as could be. He only wanted to follow the instructions he wanted to do, but who doesn’t. We have been working on his fine motor skills and I can see an improvement in them. The words are flowing, but many of his phrases are rote, coming from the videos he likes to watch. He is able to make more requests for the things he wants. For me, that’s like oh glorious day. That statement is peppered with a little bit of sadness because he doesn’t ask once for something, he asks multiple times. It’s all part of the process for him. I tend to repeat myself more than I ever did before. In fact when he has stopped saying something I will still say the words that I’m supposed to answer because it’s engrained in the moment. His laughter kept me going this morning. One day at a time I tell myself. We grow together and I’m thankful for how far we’ve come. Be kind to yourself and know that you are amazing. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.