I’m thankful Owen slept all night because I couldn’t fall asleep last night. The emotions rocked me to my core yesterday, unable to let go, unable to find comfort, but exhausted beyond belief. For some reason, I keep saying I’m “earthly tired”. I find peace through the prayers I cry out loudly to God. The tears that didn’t happen yesterday have overflowed today for every moment. The coffee brewing got a full rendition of an eight-octave tear fest. And then there’s my happy little toothy grinned boy smiling his smile that gets me through these moments. His anxiety has been high lately. I wonder if he is feeding off of mine or mine from his. Either way, we must get ahold of these emotions. My own insecurities kept me from wanting to put Owen in one of my favorite shirts he wears to go to church. It is full of chew marks. But I love that it has superheroes on it and he’s my hero. When he wears it I think I should put his picture on the shirt. There is such a joy watching Owen grow. Yes, I get emotional and the rough days are tough but the success days are a beautiful expression of the gift I was given of my son. He wore the shirt, I knew there would be no judgement, and I knew I wouldn’t even have to explain, but it still makes me anxious. Autism is as much about how I handle it as it is about Owen having it. Today he’s so animated and expressive. Me, I’m in slow motion trying to process it all. He’s pacing now, humming a tune, blinking his eyes in a pattern, and processing something that I don’t understand, but can see he is going through the motions for a reason. I would like to wake up tomorrow to a society that judges less and helps more. I’ll start with me. Find your passion and inspiration and change your world. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.