He’s nine. Owen’s nine and sometimes it’s a gut-wrenching moment when I hear him make a noise. He gagged. He does it a lot. He does it on purpose, sometimes. He likes to say “excuse me yum blatz” taking a line from the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. How he decided to say “yum blatz” with excuse me I’m not sure but he does it all the time. Every night I have to talk to him about drinking the bathwater. It doesn’t matter how full the tub is he’ll find a way to drink the water. “Burp”, he says, making a face while he burps, and then “excuse me yum blatz”. The struggle to get him to sleep has me not even wanting to start the bedtime process. Routine is key in all this but right now there is nothing routine about routine. The good news he slept until six this morning. I got super excited when I thought the clock said eight but I realized how much I really need my glasses. He immediately started talking about the animals at the zoo and I told him we were going to see the planes at the airport too. He said, “planes up in the sky jump up to touch the clouds”. He talked about the animals and going in the car. When we got to my mom’s he said all the right things and the first few minutes in the car were fine and then he decided that he didn’t want to “go straight”. He likes to tell us what direction to go. This is where my heart crashes inside my body even though I already know the steps that will unfold before my eyes. I tell myself to accept whatever comes our way but it’s still an emotional journey. My expectations and what I want for Owen are different than the reality of what will happen and how he will react. And every single day can be different, exactly the same, or amazing. I breathe. My son does not forget a detail. The area we were in is where he went to summer school two years ago. He knew immediately where we were and that he wanted to go to school not to see the animals. “No zoo today”, he said and with that, there was no zoo today. We got to the animals and he would not get out of the car. I asked one of the attendants if he would hold one of the animals up by the window to see if maybe he would get out after that. “Tell the duck bye bye”, he said. I expected it, didn’t mean it was easier to take but at least I was prepared for this. So many of our adventures take numerous times to build him up to it. On to the airport we went. Again his memory is amazing. As soon as we drove up to it he talked about riding the elevators. We had not been to the airport in years. I had taken him there to see the planes and ride the elevators when he first started watching videos about elevator repair. But today he didn’t want to get out of the car. You don’t just randomly stop someplace to do something randomly. We drove around a couple of times and then went back to my parents’ house. When we left there he was still struggling with his emotions. He bit through a ball and then I told him to hold his weighted stuffed whale. It helped him some and we got home without a meltdown, some screaming yes, but no meltdown. Tonight he sang, “llama llama no drama” and I wondered if he was thinking about the animals he saw from the window. The day ended pretty calmly and I pray for sleep and peace for my sweet baby O. One day at a time I remind myself and celebrate the victories we had. Find your joy and let tomorrow inspire you to change the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.