I had to look to see what day it was. I can’t wait for bedtime, but oh how I dread bedtime. I want to go to sleep. I think I wanted to go back to sleep as soon as I woke up. And I think I was over this day way before Owen even woke up. I woke cranky. I didn’t dare tell him this because he would say, “no cranky today”. Although the reminder would have been good. Some days are emotional. Owen spent a few hours with his grandma today, oh the adventures she did tell. When we came home he immediately ran to the potty as soon as I opened the door. He yelled over his shoulder, “need to go potty”. Good news he sorta made it. I got him changed and off he went to the living room. I walk in a few minutes later after cleaning up the bathroom and sat down on the couch. As soon as I sat down Owen started making noises. All I could think was rush him back to the bathroom and I was thankful I now have a washable rug. I can’t tell you how many area rugs we’ve been through. I keep telling Owen I love him. I want to see his smile and focus on that. It’s pretty much what’s getting me through the day. It took him hours once again to fall asleep, flailing around the bed, knocking his lamp off his nightstand that really wasn’t even close to the bed, yelling and kicking me,and then pushing so hard on his bed rails they came loose. In the last few weeks, it seems harder and harder to get him to go to sleep. The things that worked before don’t even touch him and the new supplement seems to make him even more hyper. I held him, I did his compressions, had music playing, and no electronics, but nothing helped tonight. My heart aches. I close my eyes and think of his smile. I dream of a calm tomorrow. I pray for him to rest tonight. And I’m thankful for how far we’ve come. Life is not always easy to explain, but the love sure is. Let yesterday go, focus on the bright spots, and know that tomorrow is a brand new day. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.