Some days the sadness washes over me, quickly becoming an avalanche I want to run from. Life happens when you have something else planned. And today didn’t go according to Owen’s plans. He did really well until I decided to take him for a “ride in the little red wagon”. The ride wasn’t long enough, it wasn’t in the right direction, and it wasn’t near water. I always forget or maybe block out all the rules. You can’t just casually stroll in a certain direction. He wants me to go exactly the way he wants me to go. I tried to explain to him that we couldn’t keep walking in the direction he wanted to go but he doesn’t understand or his rules have to apply. The screaming started and I wanted to cry right along with him. It breaks my heart in a million pieces that I can’t get him to understand. I completely get that he has to process everything and there are places he wants to see over and over or even actions that he needs to repeat but when it’s something he can’t do for safety reasons or because it’s not really an option it makes it even harder for him. He is excited about tomorrow. We get to go visit his new friend Otter the horse and then he goes to therapy. He has asked numerous times to go see the horses. “Wanna feed a horse”, he has said. I asked him what he wanted to feed the horse and he said, “food”. We are taking carrots and apples but I have been trying to decide what kind Otter will like so I’m taking a variety. I’m sure his other horse friends will like them if he has a favorite flavor. I’m thrilled Owen wants to go and has asked about the horse every day. We are clicking the days off until he goes back to school. He asked for his teacher again today, saying her name, and then telling me “no bus today”. I told him August would be here soon and then he would see her. I know it helps him when everything is scheduled for him and he thrives in the routine. As the night wore on I reminded him that we are a team and have to work together to listen to each other and figure things out. I want him to understand his emotions and that they are valid but he also has to be kind to others and remember that he can’t always do everything he wants when he wants to do it. I had to go to the bank today so I drove by the windows. It has been days since he saw them and he immediately started screaming at me about the way I was going, which was the way he wanted to go. So many emotions, so little time. One breathe at a time and a lot of coffee got me through our day. He fell asleep in my arms and with that our day was done. Find your inspiration and know that you can change the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.