Last night was epic. Maybe not the worst night to get Owen to sleep, but close to it. Although it was before midnight so there’s that. Running, screaming, wanting in my bed, and asking for everything that he already had was cycled through, over and over for hours. I can only imagine how he feels, not knowing or understanding why everything and everyone he wants is not around. He wanted to go to bed early and then early turned into four hours later. Oh to have a routine set in place. My heart aches and aches for my little boy. His screams echo through my mind. Some of his screams are from pure delight. Like when he learned how to make Siri say, “sorry I didn’t catch that” when he pushes the button on his iPad and screams. Then there are the screams because he likes to listen to a video that talks about expressions. And the screams when he is upset, mad, or in meltdown. He’s cycling back through behaviors as well. He yells across the room to me, “we don’t bite”. The first few times I would respond to him, agreeing we don’t bite, but this would lead to him continuing on, then stating the behaviors we don’t do. He ran over to me about to bite me, but hovering over my arm waiting for me to tell him no. These were his behavior years ago. We worked through these before, or so I thought. Without his routine, it feels like he is grasping for things to find comfort and routine in. We went for a walk today. I promised him last night we would go “ride” as he calls it. He wants to be in his stroller as we go. I’m thankful he still fits in it. We had dinner when we came home. As his fried fish was rolled between his toes, we both yelled out about the same time. I said, “we don’t put fish between our toes” and he said, “school’s over” sticking the fish in his mouth. Ahh, the sensory rules of food win every time. When I struggle I pray and when I pray I become calm. Prayer needs to come before the struggle. Today and always remember you are not alone. One day at a time and keep moving forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.