Trash can, blue pants, doorknob, make that doorknobs, laundry, bed, socks, spill, walk, car, pool, sad, happy, ABC, light, little red wagon, nighttime, it’s raining today, triangle, elephant, robot, tablet, help you crack an egg, and the list goes on and on and on and on. The rules run into the routine and my mind spins with all the things I have to keep track of. Owen was up by two, yelling that he was ready to go to grandma’s house. He wouldn’t get in bed with me and he wouldn’t go back to his bed. I told him he needed to go back to sleep if he wanted to go to grandma’s house in the morning. I explained to him that I needed sleep if he wanted to go. This just brought screams and him yelling for his tablet that wasn’t anywhere near me. After about an hour of him running back and forth, talking to me about his tablet I still didn’t have, and him informing me he was going to watch tv in his room, he got into bed with me. This lasted until about four but no part of it would be considered restful or sleeping, the conversation continued. It was like a waterfall that leads into a roller coaster that blasts you into the sky. I could tell there was going to be no more sleeping. The coffeepot could not make the coffee fast enough. The hours ticked away slowly until it was time to go. My heart aches for all the steps it takes for us to get out of the house and on the road. We made it out the door pretty quickly in a relative sense but then everything came to a screeching halt. There was a car parked in the wrong spot. Technically maybe two. One really wasn’t parked for long but it sat near our car. They looked like they were trying to figure out where they were going or maybe reading their phone. The other car was more of the concern though. It was near where the lady with the dog should be. I was waiting for Owen to yell about the car or the woman that hasn’t been standing there for years but he didn’t yell he just wouldn’t sit in his seat correctly so I could buckle him in. Minutes and minutes and minutes went by. If I push this he screams, if I don’t push it he remains calm but it takes forever for us to move forward. About five or more minutes went by before I could get him in his seat. This felt quick for the process. People do not understand the impact they have on my son by parking on our street, how could they, but he sure knows. I don’t know why certain cars set him off and others don’t. I’m not sure if I will ever know why the lady with the dog on the corner became so important to him over the years but I can tell you it means something to Owen and no matter what I say or do he has to process it and that’s that. Like he will yell “help me crack an egg.” He hasn’t played the game he is referring to in maybe a year and all week he has asked me to help him with this game that he isn’t even playing. Blue pants and cracked eggs are his focus now. He came running to me because one of the characters in a video did not have blue pants on. I took the tablet and tried a different approach or maybe it was the same. I told him if he didn’t want to see people in other pants then he couldn’t watch his tablet. He stopped yelling, even if it was for a second he stopped yelling about the blue pants. I breathe. I keep telling him he has a choice. He can let blue pants be his focus or he can use that energy to learn more about the languages he loves or the music he wants to play. He had a great time with his grandma and he was pretty calm on the way home except for the stoplights not being triangles and me not taking him by the windows. I however prayed for the rain to stop as a few raindrops fell on my car because all I could do was imagine if my blue pants got rained on and thankfully it stopped. The lamp on my nightstand was angled differently and the laundry was still on my bed when we came home. These were up for debate. He mentioned church tomorrow, going to the pool with our friends on Monday, elevators on Tuesday, be with mommy Wednesday, and therapy Thursday. I asked what about Friday and he screamed. One day at a time and I’m thankful for all the progress forward. The progress is in the process and for him to even be able to say all the places he wants to go this week is huge. As long as he keeps believing it is July he is doing better. He was exhausted and fell asleep quickly. I pray tonight he sleeps better. Follow your dreams forward and let go of yesteryear. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.