Briefly Tuesday

I want to put out the gone fishing sign and call it a day. These repetitive actions get me; his and mine. My exhaustion is exhausted and my stress is stretched. You think we have a behavior covered until it’s not and then here it is again. Thankfully Owen slept all night and he’s starting to get that he needs to go to the bathroom and then we can have conversations. My conversation skills are subject to coffee I suppose but I try. My goal, my new little mantra that I keep reminding myself about is finding myself in the chaos of life. Just like Owen pushing the boundaries of what he can do by going past the street light, I have to find ways to push past my own boundaries of growth and exploration. Sometimes we sit inside our own shell and don’t push forward because all we can see is the shell. Owen was all about the running today. Not so much the actual running as the talking about running. I have to remind him of those boundaries and I have to remind myself that he has to learn independence. But I still have to focus on keeping him safe. I remind him that if he ever needs help and he can’t find me that he can go to the fire station or police station. I have shown him where they are and I have introduced him to many of them but this is one more part of the emotional journey. He doesn’t understand what I mean but I keep hoping that by reiterating the words and actions he will learn how to always stay safe. He’s always with someone but I want him to be prepared. When he heard the bus he ran to watch it come down the street. It turns several corners until it gets to us and he watches the entire thing. When the bus turns out corner he runs to get in position and the smile on his face warms my heart. I always tell the bus driver and aide if they are ever having a bad day remember how much they mean to these kids. When he stood there waiting for the bus his new thing is to say, “Mommy can go on the bus” and he knows I’m going to tell him no and explain why. When he came home from school the behaviors skyrocketed because he was out of routine. Our neighbor came to talk to us and she doesn’t normally come to us in the afternoons, only the mornings. This created a ripple effect and he was yelling “no” and pulling my hair before I could even think about it. The pulling of my hair used to happen at every turn but now it is rare. He bites and sniffs it but not pulling it. I reminded him to breathe and we started walking toward the house. I distracted him by telling him he was going to the dentist on Thursday morning. This both delighted him and completely sent him into overdrive because Thursdays are his favorite day. He is going to the dentist first thing in the morning and then to school but this still throws off his day because he doesn’t get to ride the bus there. He talked about it all night long and I distracted him once again but it’s emotional. He ate a lot, drank even more, and I can
tell he is growing. He fell asleep singing numerous Old MacDonald versions and after coming to get a hug from me three times he was out. What sticks out in my mind is the pure joy he had from seeing that bus and wanting me to come on the bus with him. I’m thankful in these moments and it reminds me to keep pushing forward and we both will continue to grow. Live life forward and follow your heart to your destiny. Smiles to all and donut daze!