Focus on the good stuff. Owen slept all night and was calmer again. He was still concerned about the field trips but seemed to be fine about everything else. He was, however, very ready to go to school.

As we got ready for school he talked about his grandma. I tried to explain to him that what she was wearing was not what he wanted to see her in and I knew that was going to be hard on him but if he wanted to see her then he had to be OK with it. He asked if she had the same hair and I told him she did. It’s so much for him to process. Any little change is hard on him.

He was very excited about the bus and loved watching it come around the corner. The look in his eyes when he sees the bus always makes my day. He couldn’t wait to get his day started and he was quickly off to school.

I was off to my radiation appointment. It was a great feeling to be on the other side of the countdown. They make me pretty exhausted but otherwise not many other side effects yet. When I left there I went to see my mom. I wish there was more I could do for her but she is handling it all with such grace.

When Owen got home he was pretty calm. He was once again focused on his grandma getting better and if he was going to see his friends on Sunday so he could ride the elevator with them. I tried to remind him to focus on today.

We talked about his grandma’s clothes again. I told him that her string pants got broken when she hurt her shoulder so she had to wear new clothes. I’m not sure how he was feeling about it but I hoped it would help him understand she couldn’t wear the same things because they were too hard to put on. I was not pushing it on her clothes but talking to him about it when he asked. I confirmed over and over all night her hair was the same and I think that helped.

He was very calm the rest of the night. Bath time led to wanting to sit in the white bed and then he was off to his own bed without too much hoopla. He was asleep quickly. He told me we weren’t going anywhere tomorrow and I thought that sounded like a great idea to me. I hope we both sleep tonight. His laughter once again won the day. Be happy in the peace and know that life is what you make it so let’s make it grand. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I was in and out but radiation makes me sleep heavier if that is such a thing. Thankfully Owen slept all night. He was relatively calm but had several things on his mind. He wanted to talk about the field trip but I told him to remember about yesterday when he didn’t have to go. I tried to redirect him to new conversations.

He told me the leprechauns needed to get busy fixing his grandma and I couldn’t agree more. He went on to tell me he needed to be happy and kind to his therapist so he could go to Tudors for dinner. I liked that he was thinking through the process.

He remained pretty calm while we got ready and waited for the bus. He kept telling me to take a deep breath so he knows what to do but it’s a matter of applying it at the right times. He was happy to see the bus come around the corner and know that he was not going on a field trip.

His teacher said he had a pretty good day when I picked him up for his therapy. He still wanted to go to Tudors. I told him if he was happy and did all his exercises I would take him. He said he had to be kind to his therapist. When he saw her he was happy because she was wearing exactly what he wanted her to wear.

She said he had a pretty good day but was still focused on what she was wearing. She explained almost perfectly how it feels like he is excelling in several things and reverting back to his old ways on things like physical exercises. Swimming is about the only exercise he wants to do.

I took him to Tudors to get his chicken strips and French fries. He was so excited about his food. They gave him a piece of garlic toast in his meal and that was the first thing he went after. He ate almost all of his dinner.

He stayed fairly calm all evening and was focused on going to school tomorrow. I tried to redirect him every time he wanted to talk about field trips he didn’t want to go on. By nighttime, he was trying to make me laugh and that was the best part of my day. His laugh truly makes the world a better place. Each day is a gift. Through challenges, we learn patience, and through patience, we learn reflection. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen slept until about four. I slept around the time he was asleep. He was very much ready for his day to go according to plan and his plan was to not go on the field trip. I'm not sure why field trips have become so hard for him.

He sat very calmly under my blankets on my bed listening to his tablet at full volume. This was after I said it was quiet time. My bed has become his new go-to spot until it is time to get ready for school. He used to sit on the couch or go lay back in his bed but now it’s my bed.

He was calm this morning, but he definitely did not want to go to his field trip and kept telling me that he didn’t wanna go. I told him it was up to him and he could stay at school. He asked if he could stay home and I told him he could if he didn’t want to go, but it was up to him to not go on his field trip and he could stay at school.

His teacher asked him again when he got to school but he still wanted to stay there even though she was going this time. I know he has got to have a lot on his mind. I knew she would do what was best for him at the moment if he had ended up changing his mind.

I had my radiation appointment and met with the chemo doctor’s assistant. Everything went smoothly and my tests were fine. I will get my lab reports back in the next few days and start my infusions again after my radiation is done.

I sit so much of our days trying to keep him calmer. When Owen got home he was still upset about the field trip. They sent a note home saying that he didn’t go. He was however still having a meltdown over the fact that one day he may have to go on another field trip. I told him he didn’t have to go again and he started saying “No more field trips ever.”

I think it’s too much pressure for him right now to go do something else when he wants to stick with his routine. He said he wanted to stay home this morning so I know he is processing it and I think it is too much for him to think about. I wonder if I go or take him if it would be happier times for him. I sat which made him happier so he didn’t have to process what I was doing. If I attempt to do anything the meltdown becomes stronger.

Makes me sad that he couldn’t go to something fun but he doesn’t want to do a lot of things that are group-related like baseball or soccer activities so maybe it’s too many moving parts for him. I asked him about going to the Special Olympics events and he said, “Never again go to field trip.”

He wanted me to put on my bunny ears but I told him it was too hot. I said he could wear them if he wanted and he put them on. I didn’t wear them all night. I’m trying to get him to handle my hair. It is still hard for him to process.

He calmed down as the night went on. He got in the bath and that helped calm him even more. He wanted to make sure he was going to see his therapist tomorrow. I had already told him one of his therapists would be there. Once I confirmed he was going he said he wanted to see his therapist, be happy, and get Tudors afterward. I told him I would take him to Tudors for chicken strips if he was happy tomorrow. He said he would so I pray he has a calm day.

He has now decided that my bed is where he wants to be before he goes to bed as well. Under the blanket, he goes. I told him that yesterday I was going to give him my bed and I was going to take the tent off his bed and claim it as mine. He said no but I’m considering it.

Bedtime was quick tonight and he didn’t get out of bed once he was in it. I pray he sleeps all night but I’m sure he still has a lot on his mind. I’m thankful the night was calmer once he settled in. The laughter came as nighttime fell and for that I was thankful. Enjoy the little things for they are truly what matters. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Thankfully Owen slept. I know he was exhausted and quickly frankly I was too. I slept more than I normally do. Radiation sleep is a whole new different type of sleep. When he woke up he was trying to explain to me that he slept all night long instead of saying that he “slept upper night.” He is getting it.

He was so calm and laughing with me. What a difference a day makes. He was ready to see his teacher and told me a few things he would be doing with her. I hoped it would go as smoothly today as it did yesterday for him.

He was so happy this morning and tried to make me laugh even when we got dressed and went out to wait for the bus. I am glad I canceled his appointments to hopefully help him have a calmer week. He went through his schedule with me and he was happy to include the bus rides home so I knew I made the right decision about his appointments.

I was glad I canceled his appointments but that didn’t mean there weren’t going to be other hitches in our week. When he got home from school he was concerned about going on his field trip tomorrow. They are supposed to go bowling but even though he would love it he was stressing out over it. It breaks my heart that something fun would cause him to have so much stress but he thrives on his routine. I told him he didn’t have to go but I will let him decide with his teacher.

It is a lot for him to take in and once he starts down one rabbit trail he goes down many. He then started worrying that he was going back to his previous school. I kept reminding him that he was a big boy now and only going forward. He was definitely concerned about his field trip which made him worry about going to his old school. All I can do is reassure him he is still moving forward.

Tomorrow is my appointment with the chemo doctor after my radiation treatment. He will tell me the results from the echo I had and possibly when I start the infusions. I don’t know if he will tell me since I haven’t finished radiation but my assumption is my infusions will start a couple weeks after I complete my radiation.

Owen fell asleep quickly tonight but got up after being asleep for an hour. I’m hoping that he doesn’t get too much on his mind and wakes up numerous times. I hold onto his laughter today and him trying to make me laugh. That’s the good stuff. Find what makes your soul happy and let your heart shine. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I lost track of how often Owen woke up last night but by three in the morning he was ready to go to school and that was that. I was at least able to convince him to go back to his room with his tablet.

He is very excited about his day and couldn’t wait to see his teacher. He was also thrilled he would be going to his therapies as well. He listened when I told him we had to get ready and go wait for the bus. He went to the bathroom and we went out the door. It wasn’t long and he was off to school. I find that if I don’t stand quite as close to the bus he gets on a little faster.

I was off to my radiation appointment. It went fine. On Mondays, I have to meet with the doctor. Everything was going fine the doctor said. When I came home I got both of Owen’s appointments rescheduled. I felt that would be better for his week and to keep him calmer.

When I picked him up from school for his music therapy his teacher said he had a great day. She said he was on his best behavior and did all his work. He also said he did great at music. She said he acted tired but did fine. I explained why he was tired. He did good with his partner in the session and they were able to take turns with their choices of what they wanted to do.

On the way home he was very calm. He was happy he was going he was going to his vision therapy appointment. The pizza request came in as we were heading to our appointment. He did great with the doctor. He mentioned gum a few too many times but otherwise, he was focused on the exercises and did almost all of them correctly. I think he was exhausted.

Pizza, bath time, and bedtime blended together. We were both exhausted and it only took him a couple minutes to fall asleep. I pray he sleeps all night and tomorrow should be another day of complete routine for him. His laughter has returned and that makes my heart happy. Focus on the good stuff. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen slept all night and I mostly did. He was quite proud of himself and asked how to say he “slept all night” instead of saying “not upper night.” I told him that he could say that he “slept all night.” He started repeating it as he ran off to get his tablet.

He was asking about what date Friday was even though he knew. I told him next Saturday would be March first and then I asked him if he knew what the 14th was and he said, “My birthday go to big slides.” I reminded him the big slides were closed but we would find something fun to do for his birthday.

He was very ready for church and for the week ahead. He had a good morning but was very focused on what was going to happen for the days ahead and when my hair was going to grow out. He had told me he wanted to go see the fish after church but I had a feeling that would probably change.

He was very happy to be at church. I took him to the requested Burger King afterward and he was excited. I didn’t get him a burger because he never eats them he asked where it was and I said why didn’t I get you a burger. He replied I don’t like their burgers. He ate the nuggets and fries. He ended up not wanting to see the fish just to get food.

He is supposed to have a well check on Tuesday and a dentist checkup on Wednesday but I’m going to see if I can reschedule them. I feel that as much as he likes to go to both it will be harder on him because he needs a full week of his exact schedule.

He was on major repeat mode about going to school tomorrow. He did not stop asking for his teacher since we got home from church. And if he wasn’t asking for his teacher he was yelling about my hair and needing to wear bunny ears. My heart hurts for how much being off routine is hard on him and my hair has rocked his world.

I told him I could no longer think from all the yelling and he just kept coming to me repeating everything over and over again. When I am tired I cannot think to distract him even though that is the only way to remotely get him to stop. He repeated “high school” 67 times once I started counting. I missed at least a full minute or two of him saying it before I started counting. Then he said “High school in two more years” at least fifteen times because I didn’t say anything. All a few inches from my nose. Generally, if I try to ignore him it gets faster with the repetition and either same tone or screaming by the time he is done with a complete meltdown.

I know he is anxious about going because his schedule has been disrupted so many times. Weather and sickness are beyond my control but he doesn’t get it. After repeating his teacher’s name for hours he told me I needed a hug and to be kind to everyone.

I keep hearing so many therapists say how far he has come because of how I have done things with him but I can’t break this cycle and nobody has any solutions. It breaks my heart that he gets stuck in these moments and no matter what I say he can’t stop it. I wish I had answers. I have taken him to so many doctors, psychiatrists, and therapists, and still no answers. He is beyond brilliant and he can break through all the rules and ways to try to stop these behaviors. Plus, when I’m tired I cannot stop the moving train because I have to be on my A-game to help him process it and without hair, he has a hard time listening to me.

I know he is over the top today too because of the weather and all the changes over the last few weeks. These past two weeks have changed our lives for the next few months. He will be on edge until he has enough good routine days to make himself feel secure in his routine.

I pray for sleep tonight and that we can have a full week of routine. He was awake until after ten, worried about seeing his teacher. He finally went to bed and all I can do is pray. He told me to laugh a lot today and I sure tried. His laughter is the best. Never give up on the hope for tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen slept until after five and I only woke up once last night. He was happy this morning and laughing. It’s been a long week not seeing this much of his smile so I was thankful for the laughter.

Besides the lingering cough, he definitely had tons more energy. He didn’t want to go anywhere today but was ready for church, Burger King, and seeing the fish tomorrow. I told him we could go today, but he kept telling me after church. When his routine changes, it is hard sometimes for him to do anything completely different for the day. It felt like it was a good day to rest for me.

He was watching out the window for people who were walking by our house not wearing blue pants. This was a whole new level of blue pants and I pray the trend doesn’t continue. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I put a film on our windows so he can’t see out but I know that is not the answer. I’ve lost count of the meltdowns he has had from looking out our windows. It breaks my heart when he starts crying because someone has parked in front of our house and if they ever park in the opposite direction that is a whole other level of a meltdown.

He started asking not long after he woke up if he could take a bath later. He generally does this when he has his whole day planned and planning into his days ahead. As the day went on he asked the questions numerous times and I said, “Not yet.” He replied, “Not quite yet.” It always amazes me when he phrases things like he has heard me say it or he adds his own twist on it to convey what he means. He amazes me with how far he has come with his communication skills.

He spent many hours sitting next to me showing me his tablet and wanting me to play his games. He adjusted my bunny ears many times and I suggested he wear them again. He put them right on and left them for several hours. He was calm all day with only a few moments on high alert for one reason or another. I hope that he sleeps well tonight so we can go to church tomorrow. He sat watching Disney in Portuguese and his giggles when Mickey and the gang would do something made my heart happy. Laugh out loud, dance to your heart’s content, and share your beautiful story. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen slept all night and even slept until after six. I slept better than I do most nights but was up several times. I kept waiting for the text messages to come in saying school was canceled. I was beyond thankful when it did not come.

Sickness comes, lingers, and finally goes away. We are in the linger stage. I was so thankful when Owen woke up and he didn’t cough for almost the full first hour he was awake. It’s always a hard decision to make for me when is the right time for him to go back to school. According to his doctor, he could have gone back sooner but with the school closings that decision was made for us and I was glad. It gave him more time to take it easy. He has been on his medication for a week and his energy and appetite had returned.

I was so thankful the text never came and there wasn’t a delay for school. We got ready for the bus and he was so happy. He was going back and forth from the front of the house to the back of the house. It wasn’t long and we went outside to wait for the bus. He didn’t hesitate long or have to tell me a lot of things. This dude was ready to go back to school.

They were off and I went to my radiation appointment. I finally got up into the double digits. Eighteen more to go. The procedure is not bad at all for me but it is probably the most emotional part of the journey so far and it has nothing to do with the actual procedure. I’m very thankful for a supportive staff and they always put their patients first.

When he came home from school he first asked when he was going to see his grandma and then he asked when he would see his teacher again. I asked him if he enjoyed school and he said, “Yes.” It always makes me happy when he answers me. He wanted a snack immediately and started eating it. I love that he was feeling better.

I had my bunny ears on for a while and then my head got hot so I took them off. Owen kept telling me to put them on. He cannot handle how I look right now. He only wants to talk to me when I have my head covered. He wants to know when I will have “yellow hair” again and he cries sometimes when he looks at me. Cancer was not the most emotional part of my cancer story. I knew this would be hard on my sweet baby O. I try to stay one step ahead of it but I want to cry with Owen. I told him that he would have to wear bunny ears too if he wanted me to put mine on. He walked away.

A few minutes later he returned with stuff all over his hands and went directly for my head. I asked him what it was all over him. He answered by telling me he was going to put it in my hair. I quickly told him no wiped his hands and his face, sent him to the bathroom to wash his hands, and waited for him to come back. I explained to him once again that this is not how he behaves with others and he had a choice. We could both wear bunny ears or we could both not wear bunny ears. He wore them the rest of the night and so did I. I’m not even sure at this point if it is one of those pick your battle kind of things or more trying to keep it from all being too emotional.

He asked to go see the fish on Sunday. I told him yes multiple times. When he went to bed he kept crying that he wanted to see the fish on Sunday. I asked him if he was crying because he was excited and he said yes. He is learning to process them all.

Our journey is not always easy to explain but the love sure is. Through emotions I see victories and I know that each day we are learning and growing. I’m thankful for the return of my sweet baby O’s big laugh. I pray he sleeps tonight and we have a great day tomorrow. Love with all your heart and know that together we are stronger. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Sleep mostly happened and boy did I need it. I woke several times last night but felt more rested than I had for a few weeks. Owen slept until he heard me get up. I have a feeling he would have slept later but my quiet as a mouse routine doesn’t work anymore and he heard me right away. I wish I could have slept past five o’clock but once he was awake I couldn’t go back to sleep.

Last night after Owen went to bed I got a message there would be a two-hour delay. When he woke up I didn’t tell him about the delay but kept confirming that he would be going to school after what I thought would be more than enough of a cutoff time for them to cancel school. They finally decided to cancel it around seven in the morning. I totally understand their decision but I hate they waited that long to make it. The crying, screaming, and pacing started as soon as the words came out of my mouth. Once again he couldn’t go to school and he was beside himself.

If I had only waited another hour to confirm with him that he was going to school it would not have been as bad. Plus, me telling him yes he was going and then pulling the rug out from under him causes the ripple effect from this point forward. It is so hard to explain to him that this is out of my control and I was answering him what I thought was correct. It breaks my heart because how do explain that to him for future times? How will he believe it tomorrow when I say he is going or when it happens again it reinforces the wrong message to him? All I can do is try to explain it to him the best I can.

He calmed down after a while and was able to enjoy his day. His therapies were canceled for the afternoon. I knew that would be hard for him but the weather was not our friend today.

As hard as it was for him I was also glad he had another day to build up his energy. The cough has been the worst part for him and he wasn’t eating or drinking much. I knew he was feeling better when he asked me for the pancake sausage dogs and he ate two of them. He also ate a small lunch and dinner. He hadn’t eaten this much in a week.

Bath time and bedtime flowed more smoothly than they had the last few days. He had the chant going of his teacher’s name, asking in between different moments if he was going to see her tomorrow. I told him I was praying very hard that he would get to go tomorrow but I learned my lesson today that I probably won’t confirm it with him until I have no doubt. Here’s to a full night of sleep and school days ahead. His laughter returned in full force and that made my heart happy. Love with all your might and know that you can change the world with Smiles to all and donut daze!

The good news about the morning was Owen slept all night, and in fact, he slept what I consider to be late at almost six in the morning. For that, I was very thankful. From there it was a rough start to our day though.

At first, it was going to be a two-hour delay for school but then it was cancelled. This made Owen cry and scream. He was so excited about going back to see his people that this was devastating news. In many ways, it was a good thing because I was still on the fence if he was ready to go. I know the cough always last longer but he was still so tired and not eating much. He definitely didn’t see it that way though.

He went through cycles for the first few hours of crying and screaming but he at least was not directing it towards me. I was exhausted when I woke up and I was still not feeling that great either. He wanted to see his teacher. I know it is so hard for him to process all of these moments.

As the day wore on he was happier and more content. I knew he was feeling better when he wanted me to watch a video about eyeballs. It shows someone that makes props or something and he thinks it is hilarious. It makes me squeamish which makes him laugh even harder.

He was on high alert with all the cars coming and going down our street. He looks out our window and screams when someone parks near our house. My heart aches that he gets so upset every time he hears noises or sees cars outside our house. I hope that I can find some property soon that as Owen says “is in the campfire woods with s’mores.”

The cough stood the test of time today but thankfully by the end of the day his smile was brighter and he was full of a lot more energy. I am praying they don’t cancel school tomorrow so that he can go. I feel like it was good for him to have another day.

My bunny ears were a big topic for him but he didn’t scream about it. He asked about his grandma many times. I had explained she was having surgery on her shoulder and he wanted to make sure that she would have the same hair. He needs us to look exactly how he needs us to look. I told him she would have the same hair.

Bedtime was calmer than last night but still emotional. Routine, snow, and sickness do not work hand and hand. Praying once again for a good night of sleep, but oh so thankful for a happier Owen. His laughter was back today and that filled my heart with joy. Be inspired to change the world with your smile. Smiles to all and donut daze!