Your actions and reactions depend deeply on what time you wake up. And I woke up around four. Well, Owen woke me up around four to tell me that he wanted his tablet, he went to the bathroom, and most importantly it was “church church church day.” His foundation is built on routine and love. I’m thankful for how much love and support my son feels from his church family and everyone else that is part of our world. I set a timer to help him know how much time we had left until we got ready for church. It’s not often I get to set a four hour timer. He wasn’t as excited about the timer today as he was yesterday until it only had an hour left. I suppose a four hour timer is a long time to set but I’m hoping he will start understanding the clock as well. I will catch him trying to read the time and he’s getting better at understanding dates. His breakfast request came in just like yesterday but he ate it all so much quicker. He yelled out, “chips please chips on plate chips on plate later” as soon as he finished his waffles. It is always interesting to me how he words things. The morning went quickly but I can tell he is anxious about being out of school soon. He wants to follow none of the rules and forgets to go to the bathroom or do other routine activities. We got ready for church and he was excited about going. He did great and didn’t scream at anyone about their pants. We went to the playground and he rode his bike. On our way home he wanted to see the “green stop sign” and the air conditioner that he keeps telling me is gone on the way to the windows he loves to see. I’m not sure what he is referring to or where either technically is since he randomly refers to the green stop sign as we are driving down the road. We had a very busy afternoon and his appetite is definitely back. I’m hoping sleep happens for both of us. He was exhausted but seemed to fight it at first but then fell asleep once he stayed in his bed and didn’t keep getting up. The foundation of life starts with where you grow. Each day you will go through an emotional journey that is uniquely your own. The challenges that you face every day will give you one more brick to build your foundation. That foundation will continue to get stronger as you take what you have learned and know that you can make a difference in the world. I’m thankful for a good day except for the bathroom issues but I’m hoping those get back on track once summer is here and the new routine takes hold. Let today be your smile for your joy to come. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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When something is on the dude’s mind something is on his mind. Owen woke by four to discuss his plans for the day and those plans included talking about “an ant no newt that’s a lizard” and going to grandma’s so he could play on her “black computer not red.” He woke up ready to go. He had been planning it all week and today was his day. He knew all the boxes that needed to be checked off before we left so he figured the earlier he checked them off the quicker he could get there. He wanted me out of bed so I could get his chocolate almond milk and cereal. I told him it was nighttime and he needed to go back to bed. I think that lasted for all of two point two seconds and he was back asking for food again. I got up and got his food. Then he told me to get my coffee. I told him it was still over an hour to early for coffee. He tried again. I needed toothpicks more for my eyes to be propped up than the coffee at this point. I laid down knowing he would be right there with me discussing what was next. I heard the coffeemaker start and I knew he would be back to insist I get up. “Waffles please,” I heard before I could even get my coffee. In between all of the food requests he would say “grandma” like it had thirty-two syllables and the whole world needed to hear him. I told him we still had hours until we were going. He would then run between me and his computer yelling, “eat your waffle and then we can go.” I reminded him that was not the only requirement. We had to wait until it was time to go and he had to do all the steps to get ready. We still had over three hours until we were leaving. He didn’t want me to count down the hours, he only wanted me to say, “in a little bit.” At one point he was asking me every minute about an inch from my nose. I told him we would get dressed in an hour to leave but he kept asking. I’ve set timers before but he didn’t pay any attention to them until they would go off. He kept walking up to the timer, looking at it, and then walking away. That was huge progress. I was so thankful for these moments. He didn’t ask me once while he was watching the timer. We got ready and off we went. I dropped him off and ran to do some errands. When I got back I asked him if he wanted to go bowling but he went back to playing on the computer. We stayed for a couple more hours and then came home. He asked to go ride his bike but with all the rain I knew there would be puddles and he told me about the “mud puddles” as we were leaving. He said, “they’ll dry” so I thought we were not ready for that today. I didn’t want a meltdown over the mud because he was having such a calm day even though he was already upset in the car because my jeans got rained on. The rest of the night flew by and he fell asleep as soon as his head was on his pillow. I think he was tired. I’m thankful for his connection to the timer and maybe this will lead to how he handles calendars and schedules. Every day is a brand new day. Let yesteryear go and create a brand new dream. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Thankfully Owen slept much better last night than he has the last couple of nights. He woke once he heard me in the kitchen and went directly to the bathroom. He gave me time to get my coffee before he rushed me to sit with him. Calm mornings are the best, although I think I woke up cranky. Or maybe it increased throughout the day. We were getting ready to go wait for his bus and he started talking about tomorrow. I’m trying to keep him focused on the day we are on. He gets stuck talking about the days ahead and doesn’t concentrate on the moments we have together. I want him to understand that he can look forward to activities in the future but he is missing out on the activities that he is doing because he is so far ahead on his days. He will say, “and then” when he wants to know what’s next. Calendars, daily schedules, or any other type of activity tracker have been met with the same results. He is at least allowing me to keep a calendar on the refrigerator now without taking it down but I can’t put anything on it that shows him what’s on the days ahead. We are making progress though. When we went outside he wanted to ask about Saturday again but before I could say anything else he said, “focus on Friday.” I know it is all so much for him to comprehend. It seems like he is constantly thinking and rethinking everything. He was emotional when he got home and before I could even try to convince him to go anywhere he had his clothes off, wanted a bath, and was ready to discuss when he was going to see grandma. That was that. The night was full of his emotions and mine. He screamed a lot. I tried to keep him focused on our night but he was ready to go to sleep so he could go to grandma’s house and play on her computer. The thing is for most of the afternoon he played on his computer. I was thankful he ate a huge dinner tonight and it wasn’t hard to convince him it was bedtime because that meant grandma time was getting closer. The drain of the tub was clogged once again and not letting any of the water out. It felt like the one more thing I didn’t need today. It was like all the tears that fell from my face were staring right back at me. Sometimes it’s dealing with the actions and reactions that are hard. I remind Owen all the time that we are a team and in this together. We said our prayers before he fell asleep and he said, “I love you.” That’s what matters most. Our journey is not always easy to explain but the love sure is. Find what makes your heart happy and your smile bright. Smiles to all and donut daze!
The day started before it really even ended. Owen didn’t sleep well at all and woke up by three. The days ahead have all been a great concern for him. He wanted me awake and that was that. He did make sure I had my coffee and for that I was thankful. He always wants to make sure I have it before we sit down but he was rushing me along and kept turning the light off. We sat there playing with his tablet and he started talking about the days ahead. When I told him it was time to get ready for school he said, “five more minutes.” I asked him if he wanted to stay home from school, knowing exactly what the answer would be, and he said, “school school.” I told him it was time to get ready and he said, “time for shoes.” He was anxious all morning and he was extremely ready to get the day over so he could focus on Saturday even though he still had two days to go. He has a hard time focusing on the moment he is in and instead, his attention is turned towards the future. He went through all his usual steps of asking me about our neighbor and the bus and then quickly focused on me getting on the bus to go to school with him. He always asks me to get on the bus and waits for me to reply that I can’t go. He wanted to make sure I was going to pick him up from school and off he went. His allergies were still bad this morning but not like it was last night. I picked him up from school and his teacher said he had a good day but didn’t eat as much. He hasn’t been eating as much the past few weeks since he was sick but he also seems like he is requesting more of the foods he wants if I don’t offer something that interests him. I put his supplements in yogurt and I figured out that he now loves peach. I used to hardly eat peach yogurt but it seems like it is quickly becoming a favorite for both of us. I try to give him choices when we talk about foods and he knows that he always has to try a bite of everything and then he can make up his mind if he likes it. This is how I found out he loves peach. When we got to his therapy I went in with him. He has been so anxious I wanted him to know I was there for him. He did great in all three of his sessions but I could tell that he was sleepy. I’m hoping that translates into him sleeping all night. I fixed his favorite foods since he didn’t eat as much for lunch and he did pretty well. He is ready for his weekend. He has talked about his steps already for Friday and he’s ready to get home, go to sleep, and go to “grandma’s house on Saturday” so he can “restart grandma’s black computer.” He is very specific as to what he wants to do. When he was in the bath I asked him to tell me about his day. He was able to give me details about each one of his therapy sessions. Plus he told me what he worked on at school. He fell asleep a lot quicker tonight than he did last night and I’m thankful for that. I’m praying he sleeps all night and has a great Friday. I’m thankful for his bright smile, his amazing memory, and the song he puts in my heart. Your smile can change the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I sat next to Owen as he was listening to the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in all the languages, changing them one right after another. He will pull up one of the episodes and then continues to change the language multiple times. He then told me about the episode he was watching in great expressive detail. I love those moments when he is connecting to what he is doing. It was a little easier to convince him to go wait for the bus today. He was focused on everything that he wanted to do this week so maybe that is why. He was happy our neighbor came out and partly followed her down the road but quickly went running the other way to look for his bus. And to push the limits of where he can stand. He said, “not past the stop sign” with a grin so big and stepped right past it. He quickly ran around the stop sign and right back to me. His bus came and he was off to school. When he got home before we could even walk inside he wanted to take a bath and for me to change. I was already having a rough day, missing my brother more than I can explain on a day I needed him most. Owen was extremely focused on all the days ahead. He needed to make sure he was going to school, therapy, and seeing grandma this weekend. His anxiety for the days ahead shook up our world for the night. One of his therapists talks about the moment we are in. She reminds him to think about what he is doing trying to get him to focus on the activity he is doing. I can tell his teacher is preparing him for next week. My heart is aching and I want to find peace and understanding for him when he’s finding none. Any of the rules I set out for him are not helping because he wants to focus on the days ahead. Over and over and over and over and over again he repeated the days of the week and what he was doing on each day. He needs confirmation even though he knows the days ahead. Sleep did not come easily for him. Within the first ten minutes, he was up numerous times. Then he came to sit with me and told me about things he hadn’t talked about in years like the hippo that sits on our porch. He added in that I threw away my black shoes last week and that he was going to therapy tomorrow. He sang to me and told me something I think in Arabic. His sinuses were really bothering him as well and I’m praying that doesn’t wake him up in the middle of the night. My emotions ran as heavy as his. I pray I find activities he wants to do this summer and wishing summer school was longer. I’m thankful he loves going to school and learning. Some days are tough. Some days are emotional. And some days are all the things. Thinking about his laughter today makes me smile. Hold on to what’s dear to your heart and remember to keep moving forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Sometimes trying to convince Owen to do something is like trying to convince me to do something. It doesn’t always go according to plan. He had things on his mind this morning and as much as he wanted to go to school he also wanted to play on his computer and not go outside to wait for the bus. I always give us extra time before the bus arrives for days like today when he does not want to walk away from what he is doing. As soon as we got outside he was excited and asking about our neighbor. Within seconds she was outside too. He told her bye-bye and then ran to look for his bus but as soon as she got in her car he started running on the sidewalk before she even took off. I’m thankful he doesn’t go past the light that I told him he has to stop at. He was happy to get on the bus and he wanted me to go on the bus with him. I love that he asks me. He told me multiple times he wanted to go bowling when he got home and I thought that would be great but I also wondered if we would actually do it. When he came home he told a couple of the kids to wear blue pants tomorrow and then he told the bus driver bye-bye. I’m thankful for both the morning and afternoon crews on the bus. They are so great about listening to him and helping him grow. He talked about going bowling when we got inside. I told him I would go to the bathroom and then we could go. I came out of the bathroom and he had taken his shoes off, asked for a bath, and told me to change. That was that so I fixed him a snack and he started asking about Thursday. I told him he skipped a day so instead of talking about Wednesday he started talking about Saturday. He wants to see his grandma again. I love their bond. He continued plotting his days for school and what else he wanted to do. He was very anxious so I’m sure his teacher is talking to the class about the days ahead. He fell asleep talking about his robots and the planets. Maybe I will convince him to do something tomorrow. I’m thankful for his big beautiful smile and his amazing laughter. Find your happiness, know that you are amazing, and you can change the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I can’t believe Owen will be out of school next week. We’ve been through this before but it always feels like it is a new experience for us. Each year we have to get used to summer vacation all over again. And each summer it feels different yet the same. He woke up happy because he knew he was going to school. My heart aches that he has less than two weeks left of school. He will go to summer school but it is only for a few weeks. We walked out to wait for the bus and he wanted to know if our neighbor was coming out. I told him that I wasn’t sure and he said, “we’ll have to wait and see” using my words. In a few minutes, she came out and he was very excited. He yelled, “she’s leaving get in the car have a good day at school” and took off down the sidewalk to wave her goodbye. He ran back to me and said, “she left.” His words and sentence structure are increasing daily it seems. When I came back inside I started thinking about his school again. My emotions were all over the map and I stood in my kitchen crying for the days ahead. He should be moving on to middle school next year and as glad as I am that he will have an extra year before he has to go it is still emotional. I truly believe it is the best decision for him but it also pulls at my heartstrings. I am thankful for his amazing teacher and the support she gives to both of us. He came home and was ready for his vision therapy appointment. He got off the bus and told me that I had to wear my pink shoes. I said I’m not going to wear my pink shoes. He said, “next time.” Then he said, “black shoes in the trash throw them away holes in black shoes wear brown boots.” He was right, I had to throw my black shoes away last week because the seam at the toe came unraveled and there was a hole in them. He saw me throw them in the trash. I guess it triggered his memory when I was not wearing my black shoes. He did well at his appointment. He was trying to find something on her computer. He kept opening windows but didn’t find what he was looking for so when we came home he continued his quest for what he didn’t find there. I thought it was cool that on the way home he was trying to read the street signs. He has been doing this a lot more lately. He requested shrimp for dinner and ate most of it. From his bed I hear, “give me an R arrrr like a pirate” and then he was out. I’m thankful for the emotions Owen can express now with his words. The victory comes from learning to grow in our own soul and know that we each have an amazing story to share. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I was hoping for a later start to our day but we at least made it until five in the morning. I woke in a pretty good mood and Owen seemed happy so that made me happy. I asked him if he knew what today was and he said, “it’s May.” It’s an emotional journey. The only thing I’ve ever wanted to be was a momma. When I was very young I decided I wanted seven kids and I thought I could plan it. A boy, a girl, a boy, twin girls, a boy, and a girl. The twin girls were going to be Mackenzie and Colby so they could be called Mac & Cheese. I remember the day Owen was born and they put him in my arms. It will be a moment that I treasure for the rest of my life. I wasn’t sure if I could have kids and there he was my little miracle. And to this day he proves exactly why he is a miracle. He ate a huge breakfast and asked every few minutes when we were going to church. He also wanted to make sure I knew we had to go by the windows today. He watched a video where someone fixed a Fisher Price BeatBo by taking it apart with a screwdriver and then cleaning it up, changing its batteries, and putting it back together. He brought me his BeatBo and told me it needed batteries so I got out the screwdriver I have in the drawer and replaced the batteries that didn’t need to be replaced. He took it back to his room and a few minutes later I hear him run past me to the kitchen and a drawer open and back to his room he went. This is new and this was huge. His fine motor skills are not completely developed so this is not something he can easily do himself. He is learning how to use a screwdriver but it is a much larger toy one that he has. He is starting to get the concept but he still wouldn’t be able to take the screws out of this toy by himself but he sure tried and that to me was the huge victory for the day. On the flip side of that coin, I’m glad he can’t do it yet because maturity level he is not ready to take things about but I’m still so very proud of him for trying. He looked in the drawer later for the screwdriver to try to fix it again but I moved it. I didn’t want him to try to fix it without me. We got to church and the tears flowed as I sat listening to the music that I should have been standing up for and singing to. It was emotional. I feel empty missing my brother on Mother’s Day. My heart aches for my mom and the tears are flowing once again knowing there is nothing I can do to take her sadness away. When we left church he rode his bike for a while. He didn’t want to go get something to eat but he sure wanted to go by the windows. When we got home I fixed him to lunch. He sat at the table singing nursery rhymes and then told me he wanted to take a bath. He said, “how long will it take to wash the mud off.” He didn’t have any mud on him so I have a feeling that is why he wants to take so many baths lately. I think that is something one of his Curious George books says and he is recreating the moment. If that’s what he wants to do I’ll take it because Curious George got him to go to sleep on his own so maybe it will help him understand mud and rain. The rest of the night was filled with food and laughter. I’m thankful for a great Mother’s Day with my Sweet Baby O and proud of his accomplishments. Believe in the moment that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to and watch your world change. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I knew and I didn’t know if Owen would sleep late. I had hope but it was a Saturday morning after all. He had plans, big, big plans. He wanted to go to the park and bowling. I thought he might go see his grandma today but I wasn’t sure so I didn’t want to tell him until we were on the way. He was very happy. I left him there while I went to the store and got our lunch. When I got back we ate and then visited with some neighbors. I asked Owen if he wanted to go bowling or to the park to ride his bike. He decided to ride his bike. When we got there I saw two boys sitting on the bench with their bikes on the ground. We were there about five minutes and more kids came. They all had bikes that were more like the dirt bike style. They were jumping a hill near the area Owen usually rides at. He wanted to jump the hill like the other kids. He kept saying “Owen’s turn.” He tried to convince them to give him their bikes so he could jump over the hill but he is still learning to ride with his training wheels and their bikes were too big for him. They were all very kind though. I tried to get him to stay out of their way but instead, they were all making sure they watched for him and let him take a couple of turns on the hill. Several of them talked to him and told him about their bikes and explained how they ride them and have to stop. It was a cool experience and I think the training wheels will be off before we know it. His excitement was cool to watch. I was thankful they were all very respectful. There is a bike path at church but I always have him ride on the parking lot because it’s easier to keep an eye on him and I need him to get used to the little hills first. I’m glad for the excitement and the experience we had today. When we left there he told me he wanted to go bowling on Wednesday so we will see what happens with that. Then when we left the park he told me he wanted to go to the underpass and not the windows. I asked him a couple of times which one he wanted because I told him we were not going to do both. He meant both and he wasn’t pleased that I didn’t take him everywhere. I told him we could go to the windows tomorrow. He didn’t want to get out of the car when we got home and started screaming for me to take him to the “green stop sign” so he could see the air conditioner but eventually, he decided he would get out of the car so he could take a bath. The night went quickly and he was in a great mood after that. He gave me a big hug after his big day and off to bed he went. I’m thankful for my Sweet Baby O and all he is accomplishing. Never give up on the hope for tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Some days feel long. And some days seem to fly by. Today felt like a mix of both. Thankfully, Owen’s been sleeping better. I once again had to wake him by making lots of noises. I keep wondering how this will translate for summer. I can’t believe school is almost over. It is only a few more weeks and then summer is here. He will be going to summer school once again, but it’s only for a few weeks long. I’m hoping that the older he gets the more he will understand about summer vacations. I’m trying to find activities for him that he will enjoy throughout the summer. My heart aches for him knowing that routine is everything and each summer it is hard for him to adjust to so many changes. We sat together before school working on his tablet, and he was telling me about the videos. He didn’t know that when he got home, we were going to have his meeting for his program so our support team would be here. I didn’t want to tell him because he would dwell on it and be anxious. Fridays are his day to come home and prepare for his weekend. I wasn’t sure how the meeting would go because of this, but I knew it was something he could handle. Anytime someone comes to our house it can become a reflection for our future. Because he does not forget a detail and he knows so many facts that when someone comes to visit, it stays with him, and that can influence further visits from this day forward. He remembers tiny details or things that are important to him and with that comes the fact that he can share that information with me later and by later I mean possibly years from now. It also means that because he doesn’t forget those details he will intertwine them with other days and then everything has to happen the same way. When he came home from school, I told him that they were here and he absolutely did fantastic. He was able to play on his tablet while we were doing the paperwork, and he would only come to me occasionally to bite my hair, or to ask me a question. He did keep asking when they were leaving, but he was also being polite to them. As soon as they got ready to leave, he went back through the room and started putting his toys in the positions that he needed them to be. I had picked up his toys, books, and different objects that he likes in certain places before they got here and I knew immediately where they would go back to. I’m thankful that it went as well as it did and he was not upset on his Friday night. He asked about them several times after they left, and he wanted to know if they could go bowling with us tomorrow. I keep thinking even though it’s Friday night maybe he’ll sleep again. Sometimes on Friday nights he doesn’t sleep well because he gets it in his mind about what he should be doing the next few days and wants to talk about it. I’m thankful for his growth and I’m thankful for the day. Find your joy and share your story, you never know who might need to hear it. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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AuthorI'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart. Archives
March 2024
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