Day two of pretending that once again we had a great night. I feel like I should be making a captain’s log or something. The emotions sit heavy on my heart. At least there was no screaming. He is ready for his day ahead and August 15th. I was ready for more sleep.

His first words out of his mouth at three o’clock in the morning were “Good morning sunshine how are you I’m fine tablet tablet did you sleep all night no no upper all night chocolate milk Mommy.” His words are etched in my mind. I told him to go back to bed and he went with his tablet but it wasn’t long before the chocolate milk request came in again. His words and requests didn’t stop. I always thought I talked a lot until I crowned the winner in Owen. My dude has got me beat for sure, especially at three o’clock in the morning when I am as slow as molasses.

He couldn’t wait to get to “therapy ther a py ther Ahhh py.” He once again said he was getting Chinese food and Tudors today but I had a feeling he would change his mind. He also said he couldn’t wait to see “his people” and went on to say he can’t wait to see “his people” in August. I love that he is now saying “his people.” He asked me many times when we were leaving but I think since it was day three he wasn’t getting more accustomed to the time.

He was very excited to be at therapy camp but he wanted to make sure I knew he was going home and staying home when he was done so he could take off his shorts that he can’t wear in December but he will be celebrating his grandma because it’s her birthday month with Santa Claus. He was very thorough in his plans and had to let me know before he could walk back to do the activities.

When we were coming home I went over a bump on the bridge that used to always cause him to have huge meltdowns that would last for hours. Right before the bump that connects the bridge part to the regular road, he said, “Here comes the bump.” At first, I didn’t know what he was talking about and then I went over it within seconds of him saying it. I wonder if that is what used to cause his meltdowns. And I can only imagine all the other bumps, potholes, signs, and everything else road-related he has stored in his memory. I don’t know why it amazes me that he knows every bump in the road but it still amazes me every time he tells me something like this. He truly never forgets a thing.

He was full of many stories on the way home and kept me guessing what he would tell me next. He was laughing hysterically and kept saying “ice cream fell” from his love of the bear dropping his ice cream in Toon Blast. Tomorrow is ice cream day at his therapy camp so I let them know that if he says “ice cream fell” that he may be looking for a chance to watch ice cream fall. They were thankful for the heads-up. He generally only eats a couple of bites anyways.

I knew his food choice would change and he requested Chick-fil-A on our way home. We got his food and we came home. He ate his meal and he sat there laughing his belly gut laugh that is just incredible. He had been laughing at one thing or another all day. I was thankful for his happy mood and it made the night go even faster. I pray he sleeps tonight and he has another incredible day tomorrow. Part laughter fill your heart and let it be your guide to an amazing tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I’m just going to pretend we had a full night of sleep. That’s all I can do. Owen was beyond excited about his day ahead and he couldn’t wait to tell me that he was going to see his friend. I hoped his friend would be there but I wasn’t sure. I tried to convince Owen to go back to bed many times but that wasn’t happening so extra strong coffee it was.

He couldn’t wait to get going and he came to ask me every few minutes when we were leaving. Anytime he wants to know about the times we are leaving I take it as a moment to work on telling time. I get him to look at the clock and explain how much time we have left and we set a lot of timers so that he knows how long a certain amount of time is.

It was finally time to go. We got ready and we were out the door. The whole way there I tried to distract him by talking about the different things we saw along the way and that didn’t detour him in any way. I moved on to trying to get him to sing, and he would sing very quickly parts of a song and then he would immediately go back to asking about his friend. Trying to distract him or redirect, him is a challenge in itself.

When Owen was a toddler and I didn’t know much about autism I would watch him do the same thing over and over and over again, and it would be ours sometimes before he would move forward. One day he was watching a video and he kept going back to the exact same place and every time he would watch it, he would cry. This kept happening so for several hours we did lots of other activities and games. As soon as we were done and he went back to his tablet, he stood in the exact same spot and did the exact same things for thirty more minutes. I realized then that distracting him or redirecting him was going to be something of a challenge because he had to process it all before he could move forward.

If his friend wasn’t going to be there I was hoping to explain to him about disappointments but that we can still enjoy ourselves and have fun. His friend ended up not being there and wasn’t coming back for the rest of the week but maybe this will make it easier for Owen to sleep. I know it was disappointing for him, but I’m hoping that it will help him in the long run to learn more about emotions.

He had a wonderful time at his session and the Hardee’s request came in as we were leaving. His friend isn’t coming back but it might help in the long run that Owen knows he isn’t coming back and I will sleep past three o’clock in the morning. The whole way home he talked about his people and how much fun he had.

I reminded him that his friend wasn’t going to be there and he said, “Owen not going never going back.” I told him that he got to go again for the next three days. He said, “See all the people.” I said yes and told him that it was exciting to meet new friends. I repeated this throughout the night that he got to still go to his therapy and that he would continue to have fun for the rest of the week. I didn’t want him to be confused that he wasn’t allowed to go and he would be going tomorrow. Throughout the day, he kept saying “Get to see his people.”

Tomorrow is beach day so he thinks he is going to get to be in the water but I reminded him it was just pretend and they wouldn’t be in the water. I reiterated this throughout the day. He asked several times if he was going to get to go to the pool tomorrow and I told him very soon.

Nighttime came quickly and it didn’t take much convincing for him to go to bed. I pray he sleeps all night and is excited about his day tomorrow. It’s been a nice time for me as well being able to talk to other parents and spend time with them. I feel like he’s making huge progress and today was a good day. Let your day be filled with sunshine and your dreams come true. Smiles to all and donut daze!

When you are tired you are tired and when your son is awake you are awake even if your tired is tired. And so it began. Four o’clock in the morning is the new five. Owen is focused on summer being over and getting up to remind me that it is nowhere near summer being over.

The good news is he didn’t know he was getting to have a week of fun and some extra therapy mixed in. I was supposed to have an appointment this morning so we met my mom so she could watch Owen for a few hours. He knew this was happening so that probably didn’t help the waking up early. He didn’t know however that he was getting to see some of his friends today. He was so excited to see his best friend there and I was extremely happy for him. He knows that he will get to see his friends the rest of the week so hopefully he will sleep better.

He had a great time at his therapy and talked about it all afternoon before we went to his vision therapy appointment. I asked him what the best part was and he said, “All of it.” He said he was excited to go on a bear hunt with his best friend. I was loving all the information. I am so glad he can express how much fun he had and listening to him talk about it is amazing.

When we came home he wanted to show me all the things he knows I don’t want to see. Rinse, repeat. I’m back to telling him to show me everything and he quickly turns it off. I pray this is the time this strategy sticks. It is amazing how calculating his brain is and can work through all of this. Plus, he will put something on a shelf for a month or years and bring it back into the mix. Like drawers being open is back to causing him to have meltdowns. It’s truly wild how things come back up that I thought we worked through and were done with.

We got ready to leave for his vision therapy appointment and he was talking about all the day's events. As we were getting ready to leave the rains came and I thought how thankful I am that rain no longer causes meltdowns just to hear even one drop of rain. I pray this is something that never comes back off the shelf. I can’t even begin to remember how many appointments we had to cancel or events we couldn’t go to because he would be crying in my arms from the rain.

He did INCREDIBLE At his vision therapy! I can’t remember the last time he did remotely this good. He was in such a great mood! On the way home I was telling him how proud I was of him. I said you know you did “fan” and before I could finish he said, “tastic.” He did three new exercises and no screaming. He hugged his doctor many times and it was like he was back to his old self again. It’s amazing how quickly it all changes. He had minor things like biting my hair, talking about gum, and tearing books but nothing like the last few months. So thankful!

When it was bedtime he said that he got to see his friend “four more times three more times two more times one more time until Friday.” I’m so thankful he is happy. It feels like it is already a blessed week. On the hard, hard days these are the days I file in my memory banks to pull out and remember the incredible days. He can’t wait to see his friends tomorrow and I pray it helps him sleep tonight. Create those memories that will always make you smile and have a great day. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Four is very close to five but not so much when there is constant talking, a few gagging sounds, some head licking, and moments that move quickly between almost scream sounds with a back and forth ping pong game of what are we doing today versus what we are doing tomorrow. Even when the right answer is given Owen decides he wants the wrong answer.

No matter how much knowledge you have about the right way to handle a situation at four o’clock in the morning conversations never go according to plan because sleep is what you truly crave. Plus, throw in every curveball you can be given and quite frankly it’s exhausting before you even have a moment to think how exhausted you are.

Owen forgets nothing. He tells me people he does want to see and he tells me people he doesn’t want to see that he hasn’t seen for many, many years. He talks about places he wants to go to and places he does not want to ever go to again. Yesterday getting him out of the house was a back and forth adventure of what he did and did not want to do. Detouring from said route some days can cause huge meltdowns but thankfully we got out, had fun, and got what we needed.

Even though we were up very early, we went to church and it was exactly where we needed to be. The message was wonderful and truly was meant for my heart. I asked Owen what he did while he was there and he said he played the “keyboard piano.” I’m not sure if they have one in their room or not but I loved that he was talking about music. I would love to find someone that would do singing lessons for him.

He requested two foods tomorrow. “Chicken and duckling soup and Tudors.” He went on to say that he wanted Chinese food for dinner and that he would have tutors for lunch. He wants to be sick so he can see his doctor. I told him then he couldn’t do his day tomorrow so he told me he wasn’t sick and wanted to see his grandma and go to his therapies. He then started talking about going to Bob Evans with his people and taking one of our friend’s pancakes. I’m not quite sure why he is taking hers or that she is even going to get some but he is taking them where you go.

Everything is constantly changing and he wants everything to stay the same. Something like a game changing its reward system or not having the magical hats he wants it to have completely will change his day. It’s hard to explain to him that life is constantly changing and we have to adjust with the ebb and flow of life. I pray he sleeps all night and tomorrow he will get to see his grandma and go to his therapies. His laughter once again won my heart and I’m thankful for a pretty good day. Let each day be your guide for a brighter tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!

It’s like the weather report, what front are we going to have today? The morning was mostly sunny. Owen woke close to 5:30 and came to me proudly saying “Slept upper night daytime after 5 oh oh good morning mommy time to get up Candy Land we can play Candy Land.” I was so glad for the sleep and he didn’t completely rush me to get out of bed. He wanted his hug and his kiss.

As the morning went on he was very vocal and told me the things he was not supposed to do like “don’t eat banana dice” and “no lick mommy’s head” but otherwise calm. He told me he wasn’t going anywhere and then said Hardee’s and the park to be Ethereal in E. I told him we could go wherever he wanted to go. It was great for him to go through all the steps. I am glad he is learning to tell me more about his emotions. I am glad he is processing it all. I feel like he is making the connections. I also think the more his words develop that will help.

He was talking about going to church tomorrow and when he needed to wake up. He said, “Wake up at five am” instead of “five oh oh.” He went on to say “Wake up at five o’clock in the morning or later.” The conversation continued about being kind to everybody and that he needed to sleep at night and “wake up when it was daytime with no lights outside.” I can only imagine what his mind thinks about when he says it’s daytime and the sun isn’t awake yet. His mind amazes me.

He was telling me about his grandma’s “sparkler shirt”. It has little rhinestones on it that shine. He says it with the L not in the right place so I broke the word down for him more and he is saying it a little better. He is talking about celebrating you in December. I am writing down words for his new speech therapist that I know he has problems with. I explained how he confuses letters in the middle of the words and puts them in different positions so she is going to work on that with him. I liked her a lot and so did he. I think she will be a great addition to the team. I love so many of the words he says “wrong” but I know he needs to learn how to say them properly. Plus, he is very receptive to words now and how to say things. He is craving all the languages and reading now. It is a wonderful blessing.

We successfully played Candy Land and he was so happy. He only wanted to play once for now but said he would play more later. He decided he did want to go get something to eat and “drive around” to see his favorite sites.

We went a few places and then his requested Hardee’s. He ate his cheeseburger quickly and moved on to the fries and chicken strips. He wanted ranch with them. They have a platter and it has chicken, toast, fries, and coleslaw. He ate several bites of the coleslaw for me without a face. I’m thankful that he knows he has to try at least one bite of everything and it is amazing how many foods he now likes because of it.

New category for his Google Earth searches… finding businesses that we used to go to that are no longer open and places that are not open right now. He showed me restaurants and recreational facilities that we used to go to that closed down. Plus, he showed me where he goes to see his pediatrician but he told me he can’t go see her today because they are closed. It is so wild what he finds.

It’s funny soccer started again and he randomly asked about going to soccer today. I said do you want to go and he said, “No no way” and totally exaggerated the word “way.” He did not enjoy it at all. Maybe when he gets older he will like it but for now, we will stick with other activities. I love that he can express that he doesn’t want to do something though. He has come so incredibly far.

We had a busy day. We laughed a lot and there was more of a sparkle in his eyes. He was in a great mood for most of the day. There was a lot less head licking but more talking about the videos he knows I don’t want to watch. He informed me of all the people he was going to show it to tomorrow and I asked him if that was fair to people they may not want to see people losing their teeth or having something medical done like a bleeding toenail. It makes me squeamish just thinking about it. I’m hoping he will make the connection to this and stop showing the videos since no matter how I try I can never block all the videos.

It didn’t take long and he was out. Today I saw so much growth in him. His focus was clearer and when he is calmer he doesn’t tend to tend to upset the apple cart just to upset the apple cart. He is very excited about church tomorrow and told me that he needed to sleep until “5 am when it is daytime with no lights outside.” I love how he is embracing new words and phrases. Every day is a great day when my sweet baby O is happy and “laughing like a boy.” Let hope be what you focus on and know that tomorrow will be a great day. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Trying to teach behaviors is going to be interesting but that is the name of the game for this summer. Owen was up early and came out swinging. Well licking my head. He didn’t scream but he didn’t listen. Deep breaths today. He was in a mood. I guess I was too. He wanted to know when school was starting and sure that was on his mind.

I told him he wasn’t going anywhere until his behavior was better. When I got up I explained to him that I had a day of fun planned for him but that we have to be kind to each other and that behavior is a huge part of it so we would be staying home until he stopped being mean to me. His tablet had already been taken away several times by the time we even ate breakfast because of licking my head, showing me things he knew I wanted to see, and other behaviors he knew he was not supposed to do like tearing his books. This summer my goal is to get him to understand behavior.

He was calmer as the morning continued but he thought everything was funny. He wanted to show or talk about all the things he knew I didn’t want to talk about and then laugh about it when I would show any type of reaction. I switched around on him though. Every time he brought it up I pulled up the different things on his tablet. He realized as the day went on that I was not going to let him laugh at me about it and instead pull it up and just watch it. I’m hoping that takes away the fun. He was having with showing me these things I did not want to see. By the end of the day, he was not mentioning them as much.

He wanted to tear paper and cut paper with scissors. Both skills are things he needs to work on for his fine motor skills but he has to use them appropriately. The tearing of books is something he does not need to do so I’m hesitant to work anymore with tearing of paper but if I can teach him appropriate ways to do it he may stop tearing books. He wants to cut paper every night before bed so we go through one piece of paper and he cuts it into little squares before he is done. After each cut, he says, “Do it one more time.” We have several kids’ scissors and he gets to choose which one he wants to use.

“If I could I would,” Owen said to me one more time. It’s a phrase I always say to him when I wish I could pull magic out of the air and make something happen for him. He wants to play in the snow with his best friend and take a picture. Being that it’s June and we are in West Virginia it’s going to be many months before that is even a possibility.

I keep thinking of five more months of infusion treatments for me. I can do it. I ask myself about it almost as much as Owen asks me when he goes back to school. All my days blend together and my stomach always seems to be on edge. I pray every day for a calm day for both of us.

It is mind-blowing how exhausting one minute can be. Anytime the phone rings or someone walks by the house our lives can change. Sometimes in his loudest moments, they are my loneliest times because I never know when the meltdown will begin for a word I may say or an action I might do. Owen is incredibly brilliant and I know he will continue to make more connections to grow and understand these hurdles. Every day I pray for strength and guidance to help him through the days that I don’t always comprehend what he is going through.

As we sat together in the “white bed” I prayed for a calm night for him and that he could sleep all night. It will be hard for him because he doesn't get to see his grandma tomorrow. She has other plans and he knows he is going on Monday. This in itself may cause him to wake up. I saw progress today and he wanted me to know it so he would come to me when he did something he knew he wasn’t supposed to do and put his forehead on my lips and say “Kiss sorry mommy” so I would know he knew he was sorry. I wondered if he did the wrong things on purpose at this point but at least the connections were there. Each day I pray for a better tomorrow with kindness and grace for everyone. Someone else’s shoes don’t need a mile to be walked in they just need compassion to know they have a story to be told. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Exhaustion pretty much won for both of us last night. I was awake around four and O woke around 4:30. He came to me twice but successfully went back to bed without too much flare. He wanted to make himself sick by gagging so I would interact more but I stuck with “go back to bed until 5 oh oh.” He did and was pretty calm after that. He immediately wanted his chocolate milk and cereal. I was thankful we got as much sleep as we did. My stomach was much better today and I’m trying to make better food choices that are not based on my stress level. And so our day began.

He was so excited to go to “therapy ther a py therapy” because he was starting speech again. I was hoping she would not be in blue so he wouldn’t expect it every time. He asked me all morning when we would be going so we started the countdown. The countdown truly didn’t work because he came to me every few minutes but at least he was happy about it.

He picked out several games that he wanted including Candy Land. I’m not sure how Candy Land came on his radar but he was all about it. I showed him Perfection and he liked that it popped. He said, “Make it pop.” I thought it would be a good option for him to try and put the pieces in their slots. I’m always looking for new ways to work on his fine motor skills and hand-eye coordination.

Joking about honey mustard is a joke until it is no joke and then it becomes serious business. It is amazing how much Owen likes to joke about things until you say one wrong word and then he is all back to mister serious face. He wanted “chicken sticks honey mustard potato chips” for lunch. I said, “I thought you would want purple cow sauce with them.” “Purple cow” is always something I reference when I’m joking with him. He said, “Na uh no way honey mustard.” We went back and forth, with him giggling so completely until I said, “I guess it’s purple cow sauce then.” He got up from his chair and said, “No honey mustard out of the bottle” and came over to me to make sure I got it out of the refrigerator. I told him OK you win honey mustard it is.

He keeps calling customer service on his phone. Luckily it is the animated service so it’s not a person but it makes him happy to be listening to the information. I didn’t reactivate his phone so he can only call that and emergency services which he technically doesn’t know how to do, thank goodness. He has tried to call his grandma a couple of times and laughs about it. I feel like if I reactivate it he will make a lot of calls he shouldn’t just because it is funny to him and I know people will understand but I think in the next year or so he will be ready to text and call more appropriately when it’s not funny to him anymore. It is amazing how much he wants to hear ringtones and make calls but screams when I am on the phone or won’t stop asking questions.

We got ready and off the therapy we went. I love his new speech therapist and so did he. She said he did great and she was very impressed with his language skills. She had several things that she will be working on with him and noticed right away how he loves the wrong answers and will work on that too but she sounds like a great fit for him. She said he was so excited to be there. I told her he had been talking about it all week. He also did well with his other therapists and he was much calmer than he has been with only a few things here and there. It was music to my ears.

The afternoon was calm with a few little detours of talking about the things he shouldn’t be talking about but the giggles make him do it. He says, “It’s not funny” and shows it to me anyway. His every night request to “cut scissors paper” came in and he had to cut a piece of paper until there were tons of pieces. I’m so thankful that he loves to do more “arts and crafts” like he did at school. I’m thankful that they worked on so many skills like this to help him develop his fine motor skills.

He told me many times throughout the day he has to sleep tonight until “5 oh oh” so that was a plus. I hope that it comes true. My giggly sweet baby O made my heart smile with his laughter. I let so many of yesterday’s regrets sit on my days. I don’t want to keep doing that to myself. The emotions sit heavy with the woulda, coulda, shouldas. Some days it is easier than others to let go or keep the thoughts at bay but I’m reminding myself to always focus on the good stuff. Do not let yesteryear be where you sit. Keep moving forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I was certainly dreaming last night when I thought Owen might actually sleep. I had slept for a couple of hours when he went to bed but then my stomach woke me. The infusions still cause me to have a rock n roll stomach and certain foods are not my friend. I got up to take some medicine a little after midnight and he heard me. He was up the rest of the night.

Between knowing that he was out for the summer and having his doctor appointment this morning sleep was not going to happen once he woke up. This was the last appointment he would have with his counselor since he was moving and he was very excited about going. I tried multiple times to convince Owen to go back to bed quietly but that was not an option he was choosing so screaming it was. He finally changed it to talking but it soon amped back up when he got his tablet and realized that the Internet was out. I told him if he wanted his tablet he would need to go back to bed and select apps that didn’t need the Internet. He was in and out of my room constantly until “five oh oh” and knew it was time to get up.

The morning went quickly. I didn’t want him to miss his appointment with his counselor and thankfully the medicine was helping my stomach. We got ready and I prayed for a good appointment. He was a little hyper on the way there but he was very excited to see his doctor. He was interrupting a lot with his appointment but he was doing better than expected with everything going on.

We got home from our appointment and thankfully he was calm. I hadn’t told Owen but we played on having lunch with some of our friends. I didn’t want to tell him in case we weren’t able to go. They were picking us up which I knew would make Owen extremely happy. He likes to wait outside and see them pull up.

It was so wonderful to see our friends and Owen was beyond thrilled. Owen ate a grilled cheese sandwich on a bun and enjoyed it. He ate almost all of it. He had some French fries and a couple of bites of chocolate ice cream. It still amazes me that he eats any of it now. For years he never liked sweets except his chocolate milk. When we came home there was a fire truck, an ambulance, the police, and someone was mowing. I knew it would all stir up Owen, especially the mowing. He doesn’t like the lawnmower. We had driven around a little bit so I asked them if he could go around a couple more times and we saw all Owen’s favorite places near us like the building with an air conditioning unit in the top window, the blue church, and the bridge flags. It was a wonderful afternoon.

The afternoon went fast and Owen fell asleep very early. I pray he sleeps all night and we have a great day tomorrow. He is starting back with his speech therapy and he is thrilled. I’m so thankful for that. He “laughed like a boy” to make me happy and my heart was full. The little things lead to the biggest of accomplishments. Celebrate all your little victories. Smiles to all and donut daze!

The great news Owen slept all night and a tiny bit later than five. He was calm at first and then screamed at me for no reason after I told him he was doing a great job. He then became calm again and was doing much better. He asked to go to many places but then quickly said to stay home,

I woke up early and I kept waiting for him to come around the corner screaming. I fell back asleep and he came in very calmly. I’m not sure why the screaming happened later but I don’t think he likes me telling him no on anything so the screams come even if he knows it is something that isn’t going to get a yes.

I gave him his summer backpack and his new game. He was very excited about both. He wanted me to order some more games he saw. I told him I couldn’t order everything but if he was kind and not screaming he would get them for more rewards. We played his new game many times throughout the day.

He decided he wanted to get Chinese food. “Chicken and duckling soup” was not his favorite, but he enjoyed eating the eggroll, fried rice, and sweet and sour chicken. He preferred it without the sauce, but he ate many pieces. When I gave him the soup he said, “No thank you.”

He has an appointment with his counselor in the morning and he has been counting the days until he gets to see him again. This will be the last time he sees him because he is moving and Owen will get a new counselor. I hope that he’s able to sleep tonight without getting too excited about his appointment tomorrow. After we are done, we are going to lunch with our friends and I haven’t told him yet because I’m also hoping this will keep him from waking up early but I know he will be very excited about it.

I had to make a phone call and we’ve gone through different timeframes where phone calls are very difficult for Owen. Today was one of those days that it was extremely hard on him and it wasn’t a call that I could put off. He stood next to me, yelling out everybody he thought it could be even though it was none of the people that he was listing. The screams continued, but I finally convinced him to go into the other room while I finished and then he was very calm.

There were so many good moments today, but there were more emotional times when I just cried from how hard the day can be. It’s those moments where you think something’s going to go quick and easy and everything is so hard. The hardest thing some days is knowing That no matter how much I try, he’s still going to get upset for something that I don’t even realize is a problem until it happens. He’s back to having issues with doors and drawers. He has meltdowns if I ever leave them the wrong way. Sitting becomes easier than trying to do something because when I sit, he knows nothing is going to change.

I try so hard to figure out these moments and to stay strong when he needs me most, but it’s hard when he doesn’t listen and continues to do the same actions that he knows I don’t like to get a reaction from me. Once I become sad, he then starts yelling at me because I’m sad and says “Mommy be happy tomorrow.” I tried to explain to him that I was happy today until he screamed at me or did other actions that he knows are not nice like licking my head. He has come so far and I know he will continue to grow but summers are hard when all his routine is disturbed and he’s just trying to find a calm in the storms.

Bedtime did not go according to plan and he stood by my bed repeating over and over and over that he was going to see his counselor tomorrow and he wanted to make sure I was going to take him. He knew this was going to happen, but yet he couldn’t settle And listen to my words. He finally fell asleep and my heart rejoiced back to the moments of his laughter with his new game. I have to hold onto the good stuff and let the other wash away. I pray for sleep tonight and a great day tomorrow. Always remember that tomorrow we get to start anew and what was hard today will be part of your past. You will learn from those moments and grow with success. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Coffee is my best and worst friend right now. At least there was no screaming. Owen woke up about four and it took a little convincing to let me sleep but at least he did, kinda. He couldn’t wait to go see all his people today. I prayed it all lived up to his expectations so that he would have a great day.

He had so many plans. I told him that he would get his new summer backpack and game if he did well at both his appointments and was kind. I want him to understand that he needs to respect others and what they want. He loves showing videos of things that so many people don’t want to see. We got ready and we headed out to his first appointment. I didn’t let him know that he was going to go see his grandma if he handled his appointment well. It would’ve been too hard on him to say that he could go and then if he acted up taking it away from him.

We got ready and we headed out the door. The whole way there he was super excited because we hadn’t been in many months. He asked me several times if we were going to be able to go to Hardee’s and I told him that we would go after his second appointment.

Thankfully, he had a fantastic appointment and he was so excited to see everyone there. He had a few moments of mischief and he showed one of the videos of the kids with the teeth so I told him that he wasn’t going to be able to get his things. When we got done he went to his grandma‘s for a little bit while I got some lunch. As soon as he got to her, he showed her the video of the same kid with his teeth. I told him again that he wasn’t going to be able to get his stuff. I want him to make that connection that he doesn’t get rewarded when he is doing something he knows others do not like. He thinks it’s funny when he shows these videos and it feels like typical teenage behavior, but I want him to make sure that he shows kindness and grace to others instead of “knock your teeth” videos as he calls them. I went to pick him up for his second appointment. He was extremely happy that he got to see his grandma and immediately asked when he would see her again.

He did great at his music therapy. Thankfully and his therapist said that the two boys worked very well together. I love that she is working with them together so that they can understand more about sharing and working through everything together. When we left, we went to Hardee’s. He was very happy about that.

On the way to Hardee’s, he played the same video for the entire time we were driving there. It has two babies in it and they keep stealing the same pacifier back and forth from each other. He slows the video down so that it is extremely distorted and sound, but he loves it even more. At first, when he started watching this video, he thought it annoyed me so he wanted to watch it even more, but I told him there was nothing wrong with this one. It wasn’t gross or showing someone getting hurt. However, having babies cry in slow motion for almost an hour by the time, we got the food and got home is quite interesting.

His therapist tells him to think more about his words, and he doesn’t have to say every single thing he thinks about. He is now starting to say the rules and I’m hoping that he will make the connection. Sometimes he will say the exact same thing ten, twenty, thirty times before he will move forward. So many of those times he expects me to answer each time he says something. It’s exhausting trying to figure out how to keep him calm, remind him not to say everything he is thinking, and make sure he is still getting his answers.

He was eating Hardee’s and he said, “Yum.” As he was sitting there eating Hardee’s he was requesting “Chinese food chicken ducklings soup.” “Get me some please,” he said. He went to a Chinese restaurant when he was very young but it has been years since he’s been. He plays different apps and videos about Chinese foods they cook. He loves one of the apps that he makes soup in. We aren’t supposed to go anywhere tomorrow, but maybe on Wednesday, we can get some soup.

Before bedtime, he asked to go to Hardee’s tomorrow. I told him I wasn’t sure that we would be going again tomorrow because we can’t eat out every day but we might be able to go again soon. It will be interesting to see what he thinks of “chicken duckling soup.” it didn’t take him long to fall asleep and I pray that he sleeps all night or at least doesn’t scream. Hopefully, he will be in a great mood and he will be able to get his summer backpack and his new game. He won to make sure I knew he was laughing like a boy to make my heart happy. Never forget to dance in the sunshine, as well as the rain. Be bold, be beautiful, be you. Smiles to all and donut daze!