Sleep is a glorious thing. I only woke up once last night and Owen slept until after six. This makes this momma very happy. Thankfully I am still feeling better. I am tired but my stomach isn’t doing any rock ‘n roll moves. Food doesn’t taste great still but at least I’m able to eat and drink.

The focus was clear this morning and Owen wanted me to know he needed to see his teacher in December and all the other months. He has been more elevated lately. We have been able to talk about it and worked through so much but today would prove not to be the easiest of those days for him.

The rules have to be perfect. The clothes have to be blue but not his clothes, the traffic lights need to be green, and the roads not busy. My heart aches for my sweet baby O when his days don’t go according to plan and he can’t handle it. His anxiety was way up today and I keep praying for the right answers to help him through this. Growth spurts are hard and I know he is going through one. Each day I tell him I love him and it will all be fine. I remind him how brilliant he is and that he can overcome anything. I want him to feel strong and be strong in these moments.

We got ready for the bus and he was doing fine until it was time to get on the bus. He has to make sure about his schedule for the week instead of focusing on today. He got on the bus and he kept talking to me, wanting to know if he was riding the bus home tomorrow. He knew today I was picking him up. This has been his schedule for years and he still questions it.

When I picked him up from school he was already elevated. As we drove to his music therapy we went over the assigned days for blue pants. I even wore blue pants hoping it would help him. As soon as we got there blue pants were his concern even though I reminded him today his therapist wouldn’t be wearing them. My heart just aches. His sadness and anxiety from blue pants are so hard to even explain. It is like it hurts him to not see the people he needs in blue pants to be in something else. I talked to him about letting people decide what they want to wear like he wants to wear shorts but this still was too hard for him. I just pray that he can somehow make a connection that will help ease this from his mind.

On the ride home he was talking about cars around us. I randomly asked him what the one in front of us was and he said, “Jeep.” I couldn’t believe he knew what it was. It amazes me how much he knows and stores in his mind. He named a couple of others correctly as we drove by.

We didn’t have his vision therapy today but he decided he wanted pizza so we got pizza for dinner and I can sure tell it truly is a growth spurt. I asked him if he wanted to take his bath after dinner or wait. He told me after dinner so as soon as he was done I said let’s go take your bath. He started screaming “No bath today” but I reminded him he just asked to take it now. I told him that we don’t scream at each other and he finally calmed down. He said, “Take deep breath calm down.” I am so glad he is connecting to this now. Once he was in the bath he didn’t want to get out.

After his bath, he was much calmer. He laughed so hard and we had fun playing with his games. I pray for more connections every day and for him to truly embrace how to calm down. Together we grow and together we learn how to win tomorrow. Never give up on the miracle yet to come. Life is what you make it so let’s make it grand. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I’m thankful that I haven’t gotten very sick from my fourth infusion. I prayed this one wouldn’t be bad and so far exhaustion and food not tasting right are the only things that are affecting me. I woke up several times to go to the bathroom last night but went right back to sleep and pretty much slept until a very cheerful Owen came to greet me.

He slept until after five. I’ll take it. He was full of his missions for the day and months ahead. He couldn’t wait to get to church to see his beloved people. He was also quite focused on what was happening in December. He is very concerned about missing so much school and is confused that he will be the only one not there. He wants to make sure he will see his teacher and aide in January. I wish I could convince him that this happens every year and that he will see them after the break. We are planning a lot of activities for him and I hope that helps him get through his days.

He ate his first and second breakfast quickly and wanted more. I love it when the dude has a big appetite. He is growing again and I know he will be bigger than me soon. I try to work with him on his eating habits. He likes to pick things apart instead of picking something up to take a bite from it. I’m not quite sure how to get him to stop this habit. It is something we have been working on with him for years with many specialists. He is a very slow eater which is good but it also doesn’t help with trying to get him to eat other ways. I’m thankful that he uses a fork and spoon more than he ever has though. I know it will all come together for him as he continues to mature.

We got ready for church and he was so happy. He talked about seeing his friends and what they would do. His friend took him down to his classroom while I went into the auditorium. The service was great and exactly what my heart needed. When we left church he was so exact on telling me the details of the conversations he heard and was a part of. It thrills me that he can hold onto these moments and then share the details.

We got our food and headed home. There were so many sounds coming from all over when we got home that it was very upsetting to him. There was a vacuum cleaner that was going off in the distance with someone vacuuming out their car. He was almost in tears with this but then got even more upset when he saw the lady that was going into her house at the wrong time and had a dress on. The rules of his world almost are daunting some days. Which ones do I focus on to get him past those moments? Thankfully I kept telling him to come inside and he was able to follow me. Once we got inside he was much calmer and he had a great afternoon besides still focusing on the holiday in December.

He talked a lot about yoga, December, and music. He told me he wants Spookley the Square Pumpkin in Portuguese on Netflix, a Spanish robot BeatBo in a box delivered by the mailman, and he dried his hair with his towel. We were busy. I’m thankful for the happy moments and that he had a pretty calm evening. He was upset that his favorite tablet wouldn’t charge fast enough but he decided to play music instead. Bath time led to bedtime and he was extremely ready for his busy day tomorrow. I loved his communication with me today and he is learning to express his wants and needs. My favorite part was when it was almost bedtime and he crawled up next to me to give me a big hug. These are the moments I will always cherish. Each day is a gift and I look forward to watching his incredible progress. Be bold, be brave, be beautiful, be you. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I slept mostly through the night. The first couple of days after my chemo infusion I feel like I could sleep for days but I am feeling very strong. Food is starting to taste weird and that is probably the hardest part for me because I’m such a foodie. I love food. All the foods so I miss that but the good news is that when foods taste good they taste really good and that is the week before my infusions and gives me the strength when I need it most. The silver lining is always there if we choose to look for it.

Owen was “upper night” as he says but it was almost five when he woke up. I will count that as sleeping pretty well. He was excited for his days ahead and processing December. It is so hard knowing that his Christmas break is already causing him so much anxiety. He wants his routine to be routine and the holiday breaks are extremely hard for him to understand. I keep telling him that he has several months to go before that and he will be in school all the days that he can be. I don’t want to even think about him not being able to go for other things like sickness or closures for random reasons. Plus, the Thanksgiving holiday that he hasn’t thought about yet.

He couldn’t wait to see his grandma. We got ready and I took him to his grandma’s house. He wanted me to take him and then she brought him back to me. He thinks they will go on long rides when she brings him back to me. He had a good time today and they were able to enjoy a campfire. He loves making s’mores with her.

We were going to pick up dinner but he decided he wanted pancakes instead. He was struggling a little bit in the car and he didn’t want to get anything while we were out. I have been taking turns with him on who gets to decide the direction they want to go to get places. This is not his favorite thing but I want to get him to understand that we both get to make decisions. He was already telling me that he gets to make the decisions about how we go to church tomorrow and I told him we each get a direction. I have to keep reinforcing the rules so that he doesn’t get upset every time we go someplace. As much as he doesn’t like it I think he is calmer most times in the car.

He was extremely happy with his pancakes and asked for more. I’m thankful he is a good eater and likes such a wide variety of food. He was calm the rest of the night and for this I was thankful. I wasn’t very hungry but I made myself eat and drink to keep my strength up.

Sleep was quick for Owen and I pray we both sleep all night. I am glad he had a good day and is looking forward to church tomorrow. He can’t wait to see his people. Blue pants were on his mind but I think December's thoughts are keeping blue pants on the back burner for now.

He sang many songs for me today and played his ukulele. That always makes me happy and my heart was full. He got into bed and asked me for a hug. I love when he requests hugs. I always tell him he is amazing and can do anything when he sets his mind to it. Know that you are amazing and you can cross the mountain that is in front of you. Smiles to all and donut daze!

And so it begins. Food is already starting to taste funny. It is usually a week to ten days that everything tastes yucky and I have to force myself to eat and drink. It then moves to the stage where food tastes fine one day and awful the next. The last week before my next chemo infusion tastes like real food once again and I eat all the time to get my strength back.

Owen woke before me but told me to stay in the “white bed” and that he would go back to bed. He did just that and stayed there until u got up to go to the bathroom. It was nice to sleep a little bit more.

We got ready for the bus and his request again was to cross the street. He did really well this time and did it on his own. I still watch for cars and make sure that he’s looking when he crosses the street. I focus on the fact that he was able to cross the street and no cars were near him.

When he came home from school, he got off the bus and went to his spot to watch them drive away. The bus driver always honks his horn when he sees Owen in a spot that makes his day. He started immediately talking about seeing his teacher in December.

I got his neck ready and he ate all of it very quickly and asked for more. We talked again about why he wanted to see his teacher in December and he pointed out that he would see her in the other months too, but I could tell he was concentrating on December. I was pretty sure that it was about having a holiday and not knowing how to process it. I told him that he would have a couple of weeks off for Christmas break and then go back to school and see his teacher. That seemed to calm him and I know that I will continue to work on the fact that he’ll still see her as the new year approaches.

The rest of the night was filled with laughter and delight, as we went through numerous games and played on his tablet. Bedtime came quickly and he was asleep before his head even hit the pillow. He’s excited about going to his grandma’s tomorrow and I’m happy for him. His laughter once again is what makes my day. Bring joy into your world and always remember that you are not alone. Smiles to all and donut daze!

My sleep was all over the map last night but thankfully once again Owen slept beautifully and woke in an awesome mood. I am always glad when he wakes up and is ready for a great day.

He talked about his day ahead while he ate his first breakfast of cereal and chocolate milk. He is taking to the new plan of assigned days for people in blue. That makes me happy but the real test will be how he handles it when he sees the people not in blue. So far it is at least keeping him thinking about the possibility that they are wearing it on their assigned days so it isn’t as bad for him. The test will be coming up over the next week and we will pivot when needed.

When we went out to wait for the bus our neighbor came over to offer help getting Owen on the bus if we needed help. It was very kind of her but he was on a mission to get across the street and wait for his bus. She didn’t understand that she was causing him to have a meltdown because he just needed to get across the street and wait. There is no way she could possibly understand but it was truly upsetting Owen. I thanked her but tried to explain right now I just needed to get him across the street. She isn’t someone he knows very well but it was very kind of her to ask. It is also hard because the bus arrives at different times so I always wait until the bus is close before we go outside. He got on the bus and was making sure about his schedule with the bus and making sure I wasn’t using an umbrella.

Today was chemo infusion day for me. It is a day I look forward to. I can’t control anything that day so I have to relax. And I know it is getting me one step closer to the cure. I was happy to hear the doctor say my labs were good and I got my potassium up to a great level. The day went fast and I was very thankful for their smiling faces at the therapy and I had great company.

Owen went to therapy with his grandma. She picked him up from school and took him. He only had occupational therapy but his therapist said he had a good day. He went home with grandma for a bit and then we met them to pick up Owen and then went home. I was thankful for my friend who helped us today on our journey.

We ate our dinner and Owen laughed and laughed and laughed. Everything was funny to him today and it makes my heart happy to hear him laugh. I’m excited to see his growth and how far he has come. Never give up on the hope for tomorrow. It is a beautiful day to start living your best life. Smiles to all and donut daze!

My sweet baby O woke up around seven and I slept until almost five. I woke up at some point during the night but easily went back to sleep. It was the best I’ve slept in a while. Owen was very calm and ready for his day. He was focused on it being Wednesday and not ahead on his days.

I gave him a few minutes to wake up and play on his tablet. We still had plenty of time and I didn’t want to rush him so that he would stay in a great mood. He requested shorts and it made me think that we need to work on transitioning to winter mode so he is prepared. We got dressed and he started talking about crossing the street. I am making him tell me the directions of how to cross the street each time. He was ready for his day and away the bus took him.

Owen got home and he said, “You know the answer” before he ran towards his spot to wait for the bus to go past us. When he walked back towards me there was a lady down the street talking and he stood there telling her to stop saying that. I couldn’t hear her words but I could hear she was talking. Whatever she was saying was not making him happy and I quickly encouraged him to come inside. He doesn’t forget a thing and he can see and hear things that seem impossible but he sure can. Thankfully when he got inside his focus quickly changed to wanting his snack and he was very calm.

I told him the roads by burger boy are “broken” and that it may be a few weeks before they are fixed. There was a water main break near the area and the road buckled from it. I always tell him we don’t have time today when we can’t go by it and he says “Too much traffic.” Hopefully, this will help him understand if we have to go a different way.

I let his therapists know about their assigned days of blue pants so if he brings it up they can say that they wear them on their days and hopefully, this will keep him moving forward on his blue pants journey.

I went to breakfast with my mom and I brought Owen pancakes for dinner. I almost forgot I had them so I asked him what he wanted for dinner. He said, “Pancakes” and I remembered that I had gotten them for him. He asks for breakfast for a few nights a week. He ate every bit of them and was so happy.

In the bath, he went and we discussed the blue pants thing again. He seemed to be taking to it. His grandma is taking him tomorrow since I will be at my chemo infusion. I will tell him in the morning because I didn’t want him too excited to sleep.

He was happy as a lark when he went to bed and it didn’t take long for him to fall asleep. His laugh was full today as he was playing on his tablet and that always makes my day. Be the change you want to see in the world and watch the world change. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen woke up for me but it seemed like I had just fallen asleep. I woke up so many times last night for a million different reasons. It is always fun to overthink everything and even my dreams seem to be about overthinking.

He was consistent throughout the morning in wanting me to stay in the “white bed” and get ready for school. I told him that he couldn’t have both. I think this is becoming a control response. When he feels more in control of how his day is going or something in a moment it helps him with how he can process it. He finally decided it was fine for me to get us ready so he could go to school. Besides wanting me to sit he had a very calm morning.

We got ready and we headed out to wait for the bus. He asks every day about crossing the road. He still wants to dart around the street but he is at least looking more for cars. I stop him if he doesn’t look both ways and we go over the instructions of how to do it. We stood waiting and when he saw the bus he started waving. He asked a few times about riding the bus home and then got on the bus.

When he came home from school he always wanted to watch the bus go around the corner before we went inside. He runs to the street post and stands there until the bus passes. He gets so excited and jumps up and down when the bus driver honks the horn. Once he watches them drive off he comes running back to me and gives me a big hug. He tells me about his day as we walk inside.

His laughter carried us through the night. He was very interactive with me and talked to me about his days. He mentioned the days of the week and who we assigned to wear blue on which days. I’m hoping this sticks with him and he will be able to handle it better when someone doesn’t wear blue on a day he sees them. Time will tell.

“Daytime” and “nighttime” were his focus as the day turned into night. As the seasons change he talks more about how the light shines through our windows and it becomes a focus for him. He was ready for bed and was asleep quickly. I hope we both sleep well tonight and I know he is ready for tomorrow. I’m thankful for his progress on this amazing journey we are on. Celebrate your victories no matter how big or small they are celebrate them all. Smiles to all and donut daze!

The sleep train got a little derailed for me but thankfully Owen slept all night again. He woke up focused on a good day but wanted me to stay in the “white bed.” I have to remind him that if I stay in bed he can’t go to school because we have to get ready. This generally convinces him that I should get up.

He asked me if he was riding the bus home and I repeated it back to him. He immediately went through his day. Ride the bus to school, see everyone at school, mommy picks me up, music, eat a snack, vision therapy, and come home. He said all the steps and went off to play. I love that he is connecting to going through the details of his day.

We got dressed and went out to wait for the bus. He is saying the right things about crossing the street but he isn’t doing all the steps. I told him again he has to make sure he looks for cars both ways. I pray that he always remembers to do it. The bus was a little earlier today and off they went.

I went to pick him up and his teacher said he had a pretty good day. She showed me a picture schedule that she made for him and he is using it. She is going to put together one for us at home. I am so thankful he has started to connect to visual schedules. This is years in the making. He has not wanted calendars, schedules, or any other form to show his routine or daily activities before. He would always take them down or destroy them. I’m excited to see how this works for him now.

He was focused on what his music therapist was going to wear as soon as he got in the car. She was wearing black pants. He wanted her to change. She said he did fine for his session after she talked to him about his behavior. She handled it beautifully and thankfully he remained pretty calm.

On the way home I talked to him about blue pants and that we would assign people to wear them on different days. When we went through each of the people he wanted to wear blue pants I made sure to assign them days he wouldn’t see them that way they could wear whatever they wanted on the days he did see them. I’ve gone through the schedule several times with him and I hope he connects to it.

He did pretty well at his vision therapy appointment. He focused on wanting her to chew gum but at least he was able to do his exercises. He took turns with her on one of the exercises where he had to ask her to find a letter in the game they were playing. This was something he didn’t understand before and was now able to accomplish it.

We came home and he was excited to have fish for dinner. He said, “Yum” as he was eating it. He has taken to rubbing my bald head. This time when I leaned over to kiss him he rubbed my head with his hand. It’s a new experience with a bald head. He used to do it all the time when I had hair. I had to laugh.

Bedtime once again was a very quick process. I like how he hears the timer and we talk about it for a minute, and then off to bed, he goes. His laughter was full today and that makes this mommy smile. Make laughter a priority and watch how your world will change. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I slept better last night than I had in a while. There’s so much on my mind lately but I’m focusing on the good stuff. And part of the good stuff was Owen slept all night and woke up happy. He knew he was going to church and that was a great thing.

I can tell he is processing his words. As the morning went on he hadn’t asked about any of the days ahead or repeated his words. He said, “You know the answer” and then followed that with “five minutes” so I could tell he was thinking through how and what he was saying. I feel like he can make more connections to what the words mean and maybe that is helping him too.

While he was eating his breakfast I stood over him and kept kissing the top of his head with a big smooch sound. He kept giggling and had a huge smile on his face. I stopped and he made a big smooch sound and said, “One more again.” I quickly kissed the top of his head again and he laughed harder. To say the least, he got several more.

He was ready to get to church because he wanted to see his favorite people. He was calm the entire way there but he did mention that he wanted to see his teacher on Friday. I asked him when he was going to see his teacher and he said tomorrow. I then went through all the days of the week with him starting in the morning until when he would come home from school and included his therapies. He was very calm as he told me about his bus rides, days at school, and therapies. I hope by having him recite it that he would feel the need to repeat one particular moment in time as much.

After church, we got lunch and then headed to our yoga session. Owen absolutely loved and it helped me too. It was very relaxing for both of us. On the way home he said, “May I have yoga again please?” He was very much ready to go back again.

We got home and he ate a lot for dinner. The theme for the day was very calm. He took his bath and then went to bed without much fanfare. He is ready for his busy day tomorrow and to see more of his favorite people. I’m thankful for his big ole smile and his amazing heart for the people he loves. Love with all your heart and live your dreams out loud. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Thankfully sleep found Owen but me not so much. I was in and out of sleep all through the night. When he woke up he was pretty quiet and he was concentrating on his tablet. I fixed his breakfast and that seemed to wake him up.

He started mentioning Tuesday again so I asked him why he was focused on Tuesday. We talked about it. I know he can’t express why yet but I told him he does a lot of his favorite things on Monday so he should also talk about Monday. He hasn’t mentioned Tuesday again but instead, he listed all the weekdays. The more I can talk to him about it the more I feel like he will make the connection to the current day instead of always wanting days ahead.

We got ready so I could take him to grandma’s house. He was excited because they were going on a long adventure. He likes to go to her house so he can play on her “black computer” that isn’t connected to the internet. He changes all the sign-on icons and loves hearing the Windows restart sound. After that they went to see the burger boy statue he likes and to go across the railroad tracks lots of times. It makes his day. After they were done we met so I could pick him up.

He didn’t want to get anything on the way home so I made chicken for dinner. He was asking me for a snack while I made dinner. He said, “May I have more chocolate milk please?” He is using more accurate sentence structure and working on how he pronounces his words. It’s all incredible progress.

He was pretty calm the rest of the night and didn’t mention specific days again. When the timer went off for bedtime he brought his tablet to me right away and we started getting ready for bed. He is very excited about going to church and seeing his people. He gave me a big hug and off to bed he went. I am loving all these hugs I’ve been getting. Live your dreams out loud. Smiles to all and donut daze!