“Oh de bare necessitEEES simple bare de ssiteees”, Owen goes running through the house singing. He loves the song The Bare Necessities. I think we both sing it wrong, I can never remember the word of any song though, and I’m sure I taught him the wrong words even though we’ve watched the video countless times. I sat watching Owen with pizza all across his face, playing on his tablet. Second dinner was worn well. My sensory child loves to squish his food when he eats. He understands what a mess is if we spill something but he doesn’t understand that him rubbing pizza all over his face or in his toes causes a mess if he runs through the house and also one on him. I explain to him that he needs to wash his hands and wipe his face. I don’t even try to explain his toes. Washing his hands is a sensory delight, he loves the feeling but washing his face makes him want to run and hide. Each step we need to take we have to act and react through numerous times. It can take him months or years to learn a skill. And me wiping off his face is something he can’t stand. I now talk him through each step. Getting him to hold his head up took me weeks of going through why he had to do it. The wiping of his face took even longer. There are days he still runs off screaming before he will let me touch his face. When he runs from me I make him come back, we count to ten, and try again. I can only imagine how this feels to his face. I’m thankful every day for his greater connection to the words we say and the conversations we have. The more he learns the more we both grow. He was happy most of the night, only having a few moments of frustration. His smile gets me through my days. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make today matter. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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Owen had a well checkup today. He absolutely loves his doctor and he absolutely loves going to see her because the building her practice is in has an elevator. To say I was stressing about the day is an understatement. I knew that their office would be completely different because of the covid precautions. I told him the day before he was going to see his doctor. He was over the moon and as I predicted he wanted to go right that minute. I debated whether I should tell him the night before but I needed him to know that his day ahead would be different. I had to tell him there would be no slide or TV when we got there. I still knew he would be upset but I had to try. When we got to the building he let me put his face mask on him and he wore it all the way to the office. He was thrilled to see his doctor but he was so disappointed he didn’t get to go on the slide. He’s grown a couple of inches and four pounds heavier. For Owen, that’s a whole lotta growing right there. His doctor was pleased. When we left he wore his mask again. I was so proud of him. It takes a lot for him to leave it on. He tried to take it off a couple of times but thankfully left it on for me. He wasn’t required to wear it but I want him to get used to different circumstances and work with me when I ask him to do something. A mask is truly out of his comfort zone because it covers up the face he needs to see and process. I see a maturity in him in the last few weeks. I know some of it is his age but I also think returning to some of his routine is helping as well. He was good at telling me what he wanted tonight. He asked me for milk but I wasn’t able to get it right that second. He walked to the refrigerator, got out his milk, and put it next to his cup. I’m celebrating our victories, rejoicing his growth, and loving his smile. The key is to not only dream the dream but to walk the dream. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Life skills are some of the hardest things I have to teach Owen. I’ve transitioned him so he no longer uses a sippy cup unless we go someplace. But this also means we can have messes. He screams and I try to show the face of patience. I don’t want him to get frustrated and I certainly don’t want a meltdown. He yells, ”no maka de mess”. Generally, that means he got milk on his tablet. If he gets it on himself it doesn’t bother him nearly as much. I don’t fill his cup very full. Tonight he asked for milk and I told him that he needed to get the milk out of the refrigerator. We have been working on this. He always wants to run to the refrigerator with his tablet but I make him leave it behind. He got the milk container off the door and brought it to me. I had him move his cup over and he struggled with those directions. I pointed to his cup about an inch away from it. I told him, “move your cup over here” and pointed to the spot I wanted him to put it in. It took three tries. He kept trying to move other things besides his cup. Once he moved it I had him help me pour his milk. This same thing happened numerous times after that. I made him go through each of the steps the same way. I always call it ”the art of repeat”. For every step, he learns of a process we have to do it numerous times for it to become part of his habits or learned skills. It can take months or years for it to all click together for him. He can count to two hundred occasionally using “eighty” as all the numbers but he can do it. However, he has a hard time using his fingers to count to ten. We have been practicing for years. I remind him we are a team and we will get through it together. He couldn’t settle as the night went on but I stuck with my new bedtime steps and he was out within twenty minutes. He’s going to bed later but instead of two hours to fall asleep it’s about fifteen minutes and falling asleep about the same time if we laid in bed for the two hours. He hasn’t been waking up two and three times a night either so for now we go with what works. Today, tomorrow, and always remember you are strong, you can move mountains if you set your mind to it, and celebrate your journey. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I sat waiting, getting more anxious by the moment but I had to wait it out. I didn’t hear the telltale sign in his voice of a meltdown so I waited, with my anxiety still going up. He wants me to answer him instantly no matter what I’m doing or what’s happening. I explain to him that I can’t always react or answer when he needs me to, that we have to be patient with each other and work together as a team. I want him to be able to respond with words that come from his voice instead of mine. I’ve always filled in his blanks hoping he would say the words but sometimes he still uses the exact words I would say to him. He wanted to go by “de windows” on our way home, one of his favorite buildings in our city. I had told him we would but he repeats everything, needing the comfort and my input. I remind him that we can talk about what he’s going to see or other parts of the activities that we will do but he doesn’t have a complete grasp on the art of conversation so I work with him on responses. When he gets anxious and I am either emotional or respond slowly he will repeat, “hi Owen” or some version of this trying to get me to respond quickly. We have practiced saying, “hi mommy” and other responses instead of his own name so I waited. He wanted to see the windows and I wanted him to ask to go. What seemed like days was maybe thirty seconds. I didn’t want him to have a meltdown but I wanted him to respond to me and tell me where he wanted to go. And then there were the words, his glorious words. He changed his words. He said them. He had been repeating “hi Owen hi buddy” and then he said, “hi mommy I want to see de windows pwease”. The victory dance was running through my mind. I told him yes we were going to see the windows and how proud I was of him for using his words. The victory celebration continued. It’s such an emotional journey because I want him to learn and grow but I also want to keep him calm and not cause meltdowns. He associates meltdowns with moments and I don’t want that to stop his amazing growth progress. Each step forward is a victory. Smile today, grow tomorrow and be happy. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Owen ran past me yelling, “need to go potty”, clearly on the potty sprint but instead of turning to the left to go to the bathroom, he ran through to the kitchen tablet. He noticed his tablet screen was off and before he could actually go to the bathroom he had to turn it on. I was shocked he made it to the bathroom on time. He is my sensory child. He flushed the toilet and he stood there watching everything go down the toilet. For a moment he covered his ears but it’s almost like he wants to amplify the sound by the way he cups his hands. Then he pretty much bends his body in half, with his arms stretched out behind, making the EEEEE sound that he does when he is stimming, and starts cheering himself on. “Great job”, he says, “you do good work bye bye poopoo”, and he goes on. I always hear a mix of my words and ones that he has learned from different apps. I share in his joy. When your child is potty trained at the age of seven and out of diapers it is a huge accomplishment to celebrate. He still doesn’t understand how to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night so he wears an incontinence pad. I didn’t want to use nighttime training pants with him because he was confusing them with a diaper. There are days he doesn’t make it to the bathroom and we have the complete potty train derailment but thankfully those days are rare. Now if I could get him past trying to eat my hair. I’m on my own little emotional train wreck tonight, wishing I had more answers about life but knowing it’s all one day at a time. Find your strength, push through the rough moments, and know there are miracles yet to come. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Owen screams a lot and by a lot, I mean a lot, a lot. They aren’t always mad screams but screams nonetheless. I wanted him to try chicken noodle soup. He wanted to scream about it. Sometimes the screams keep me from pushing forward but if I see any glimmer that he might like a food or activity I keep going. I made a rule that Owen had to try at least one bite. There are exceptions to this because he has sensory issues with food but I can instantly tell if he won’t like something. And I have learned to pay attention to it quickly because “throw it in de trash” has become a new habit and it can happen if he doesn’t like the smell of my food, even if I haven’t asked him to take a bite. Well, tonight he did great with food. He had three bites of my chicken noodle soup and he was not a fan but I really wasn’t either. It was a brand I hadn’t tried before and I think he was right. I also had potato bites and when I went to get him more milk he decided they were his, plus he ate all of the pizza rolls I made for him. The real excitement happened after dinner. He asked me to “cut de toenail” and took me to where the nail clippers were. I wanted to cry. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. I always wanted him to be able to tell me if his feet bothered him. I was worried he wouldn’t be able to tell me if there was a rock in his shoe or his socks were bunched up so this was a big step for him. Not long ago he was still calling his toes “birthday candle”. It took me a while to figure out that he was referencing his toes and here he is now telling me when his toenails need to be clipped. The days can be challenging, for both of us, the days can be long but when you see the sky opening up and your baby soaring there are no words to describe the emotions. Almost on cue, Owen yelled, “cry”. He may have seen the tears of joy swelling behind my eyes. Every day is like a present. I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings. Believe in miracles, believe in the hope of tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
“Sit”, was Owen’s command this morning. He wanted me to sit in a certain spot on the couch. He said it repeatedly. I told him we needed to get ready so he could see his teacher. He started repeating her name. But as soon as I moved to get us ready he started screaming for me to sit again. I told him we had to rush to get to the bus. I said the magic words if we didn’t leave right that minute he wouldn’t get to see his teacher. It was amazing how quickly he moved at that point. When he doesn’t want to go somewhere then he doesn’t want to go. Sometimes he can’t process what’s happening and other times he has his own agenda that I might not understand but I know that if he doesn’t want to do something it is getting harder for me to make him do it. When he got home from school I could tell he was so happy. He absolutely loves school and he is thriving at his new school. I can easily see things they are working on with him through his use of words and emotions. The night was like a whirlwind of emotions for both of us. He got a fleck in his eyelash and I attempted to wipe it out. I explained to him it was there but he wanted nothing to do with me trying to get it off. I explained in detail why I wanted it off his eyelash, hoping it wouldn’t hurt his eye. A few minutes later he at least stood still for me to get it off of his face. We had egg rolls for part of our dinner. At first, he ran from them but still took a bite. He wouldn’t come back to the table for about twenty minutes. I ate most of the egg rolls except the one I put on his plate. When he came back he ate the whole thing. I should have saved more for him. His words were amazing tonight. The L, the glorious L. He said it, Owen said it. He said, “basebaLL cap” and “girL”. He said the Ls. I was beyond thankful to hear those words. As we were getting ready for bed he said, “hi Owen you say hi mommy and I say hi Owen”. I try to explain to him that he says the other person’s name and it sounded like he was working through this. Never give up, miracles happen every day. Make today matter. Smiles to all and donut daze!
One more time Owen jumped up and down on the chair, a chair he really shouldn’t be jumping on but nonetheless there he was jumping on the chair. Me, I flinched, I also told him not to do it. Both of which is not how I should handle the situation. I should ignore it and move on but that’s not how I roll. It actually would get Owen to stop doing something quicker if I didn’t attach my emotions with it. Anytime I show emotions or tell him to stop he will do it more often or longer. But how do you stop a moving train. My emotions come out before I can control them. Owen yelled, “been there done that”. I always wonder where some of his random expressions come from. Some of them I hear from videos he watched or books we’ve read but I can’t always figure it out. He asked me to make him shrimp for dinner. An hour later he’s yet to eat it. He’s been watching the same video over and over and over, only about thirty seconds of it and then he starts it at the exact same place. I’ve tried to stop him many times before when he will repeat something for this long but all it generally does is delays his process. When he was much younger and before I understood how he dealt with this I would try to stop him. I remember one time he stood at the end of the couch watching the same ten seconds of a video. He screamed and made a crying noise at the end of it and then started it over again. The same actions and reactions went on for almost twenty minutes. I moved him away from his tablet and distracted him for over an hour. As soon as I let him use his tablet again he stood right back at the end of the couch, pulled up the same video, screaming and crying for another thirty minutes. He had to work through his emotions and no matter what I did he was going to do it. We are learning and growing together. Some days it’s about remembering that I’m allowed to have my emotions even when he thinks I shouldn’t. Believe in yourself and the rest will follow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
It was not easy for Owen to fall asleep last night but he slept all night once he did. Well, our version of all night. He slept until four, came to me, and then slept for a couple of hours more. I’ll take it. I wasn’t sure how he would react to the bus after yesterday’s events but I was so pleased with his response. He was excited to get on the bus and ready to see his teacher. And he did great on the bus ride home, all smiles, and asking to go again as soon as he stepped foot off the bus. As upset as he was I can tell that the bus driver and aide worked with him to talk him through the situation. I showed him several bus repair videos last night and talked to him about his experience. He couldn’t tell me if it helped and he didn’t want to watch the videos but I wanted him to know that we were all here to support him. That’s one of the hardest parts of this journey to me, knowing he can’t always express his feelings and emotions. I talk to him about what it means to smile, cry, rejoice, be mad, annoyed, and every other component of emotions I can think of. He doesn’t like it when I wear my emotions on my sleeve but I think it’s because he doesn’t understand how to process or handle them. We learn, we grow, we love, and that’s how we are a team. Never give up. Tomorrow is only a day away and it can be your brand new start. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I wanted to run every single stoplight to get to my baby. I knew I had to go slow, I knew I had to still follow all the rules but I also knew what Owen was going through. His bus broke down on the way home. The aide called to tell me where they were. The mechanics were on the way to the bus but Owen would not be able to handle all the waiting and the stress of the routine change so I went to meet them. He loves the bus. He absolutely loves the bus. And he absolutely has a hard time when something doesn’t go according to the plan or routine he is comfortable with. When the aide called she let me talk to Owen. I knew how hard this would be on him and I knew how the night would go. The ride home was filled with many emotions and wanting his routine but I could tell they really worked with him until I got there. When we walked in our door he hugged me and said, “I don't see mommy yet” a couple of times. I’m sure those were some of the words they used to reassure him everything was going to be fine. He was upset through the night, very clingy, meltdown after meltdown, biting me, and we were joined at the hip so as the night wore on I said, “I know your day was rough” and before I could go on he said, “dog says ruff train dog to smile”. That’s his new thing he keeps talking about training a dog to smile. I’m not sure where it came from but he has said it multiple times to me. He also randomly blurts out “toaster”. I can’t wait until he can tell me what he means. I know when his words catch up with his emotions it will help us both grow. I told him to always remember we are a team and we will get through all of this together. Find your voice, share your story, and celebrate your victories. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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AuthorI'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart. Archives
March 2024
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