Owen slept all night and I slept better than the night before but I still woke numerous times. He was once again happy about the day ahead and started listing off all the things he was happy about. He got his tablet and off he ran. Within seconds I heard a video come on and he quickly changed it to another language.

He has been talking a lot about bowling with his friends again. I’m hoping we can get together with them next week. He is cycling through his cycles again. He hasn’t wanted to go bowling for a while and now he is talking about it several times a day. I hope that he will want to go more often now. It will help break up his routine and schedule if we can do more random activities.

We got dressed and he easily put his glasses on by himself. I think once we pushed through him not wanting to wear them he realized how much he needs to wear them. It is a very low prescription but I know that it still is beneficial for him to wear them. We went out to wait for the bus and I loved his excitement when he saw the bus coming down the road. He got on the bus with a few questions over his shoulder about when he would see his teacher.

When Owen got home he was talking to the bus aide about his pants as he was getting off the bus but he didn’t cry or get mad. It was great progress. We came inside and I fixed his snack. He was very calm and patient.

His teacher made him a book for us to read about his fall break. It goes through all the steps of the holiday and when he would be returning to school. When he was younger he didn’t connect to anything like social stories, schedules, calendars, or written cues. I read it with him and he went through the whole story with me. After I read it he said, “Throw it in the trash” which is what he used to do with things like this when he was younger but instead he held it for quite some time looking at it, and then put it next to him on the table as he was eating his snack so that was huge. I’m thankful that his teacher puts so much effort into finding what he can relate to now and working with him to adapt it to his needs.

He was very interactive with me throughout the night. He looked at his book again and put it with his headphones and glasses when he went to take his bath. I’m hoping this will comfort him throughout the next week and help him focus on going “back to new school middle school” as he is saying now. After his bath, he came to sit with me. I love the nights he wants to cuddle with me and read or even watch videos on his tablet. He wanted three hugs before he would get in bed. He mentioned his therapy and his teacher as he was falling asleep but he didn’t repeat it. I felt lots of victories today and I’m so proud of his progress. Follow your dreams, sing with all your heart, and face tomorrow with joy. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I was up and down all night but thankfully Owen “slept upper night.” He came to me and I said good morning. He answered, “Good morning I’m fine how are you” running it all together, grabbing his tablet, and off he ran. It wasn’t long and his cereal and milk request came in.

He was quickly planning his Thanksgiving week and who he wanted to see. He was calm except all of the things he was focused on got extra attention. He asked me numerous times if he would see his teacher on Monday. I asked him what today was and he quickly answered Tuesday. I told him to focus on today. He is both excited and anxious about next week. He will get to spend some extra time with his grandma which makes him very happy but it’s hard on him to miss school. I try to remind him that everyone will be off from school and that helps him some.

I am working with him to know that on Thanksgiving we will be going to my parents' house but I will be staying there with him. He has a hard time with me staying there when we go. I told him that day that whatever we do we do it together. He is used to me dropping him off and then going back later. I’m trying to make sure he understands that it is a different kind of day and I’m reminding him of how we have done this before. He has come so far because it has caused lots of meltdowns over the years.

When Owen came home from school it was raining. I was so thankful when he didn’t even comment on the rain. I still reflect on how hard the rain used to be on him and now for him to walk to the house without a problem makes my heart soar. When we got inside I asked him if he had a good day and he said, “Yes.” I then asked him what he had for lunch and he said, “pepperoni roll” so even if he didn’t eat one that was two questions in a row that he answered.

I am trying to get him to wear his glasses again. He has been squinting more so I had told his doctor I have been trying to get him to wear them. He didn’t want to at first but I told him he had to try them for fifteen minutes and then he could decide. He left them on for several hours before he took them off. It was good progress.

He ate a lot for dinner, immediately requested his bath, and then wanted more dinner. That seems to be the trend lately. The rest of the night flew by and he headed off to bed, asking repeatedly if he would see his teacher tomorrow. I asked him what tomorrow was and he said Wednesday. I then asked him who he would see and he answered his teacher. I’m trying to make him think through it so he feels confident in his answers. He hugged me and off to bed, he went. I tell him he is amazing. I want him to always remember that. Positive words and positive actions equal a positive life. Focus on the good stuff. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I only slept here and there last night but a very calm Owen slept all night and proudly claimed it. He was even calm when his tablet only lasted a few minutes for some reason. He was ready for his day and he was hoping he would see his best friend at music even though I told him he wouldn’t. He also knew the leprechauns were busy this weekend and got his school fixed.

We got ready but he wanted to make sure what everyone else would be wearing when he saw them today. I told him I wouldn’t know until we saw them. It’s the impossible questions to answer that he sometimes gets the most upset about. There is no way I could possibly know but he wants me to know. I try to explain it to him but he still wants to know the answer.

When I picked him up from school his teacher said he had a good. I was happy to hear this. We got to his music therapy and he asked about his therapist’s pants but she said once he got back in the room he was able to do his activities. He was with another child in the session and they were able to take turns and work together for the most part. I was very happy with this progress. The whole way home he was going through all of his days ahead and telling me all the wrong information back and forth. I told him we were only going to focus on today.

We came home to get a snack before his vision therapy. As we were getting ready to leave I put a mint in my mouth, not even thinking about it. I was locking the door and Owen started screaming at me about having a mint. I was trying to focus on locking the door and him not standing too close to the stairs. The more I tried to get him to move without answering about the mint the more he screamed. I finally confirmed it was a mint and he stopped screaming. He ran off to get in the car and I wanted to cry. The screaming gets me. My heart aches that he can’t process how hard screaming can be for us. When I got in the car I reminded him about kindness and grace. He said, “Sorry Mommy” without me prompting him and I felt the victory in that.

He did much better with the exercises at his vision therapy and completed many of them without delay. We came home and he was calmer the rest of the night. His focus stayed on what everyone was wearing, the holiday ahead, his teacher, and when he would see his people. Thankfully bedtime did not take long at all and I pray he sleeps all night. I see huge progress and I know that connections are being made. Focus on the good stuff and let life become exactly what your heart needs. Smiles to all and donut daze!

One of Owen’s toys woke me up clapping last night. I went back to sleep once I turned it off. He then woke up at about three. He came to my room to get his tablet but knew it was the middle of the night. He gave a great effort to convince himself to go back to sleep, saying back and forth between “upper night” and “slept upper night” for about thirty minutes. He then finally took his tablet after he corrected himself about screaming at me and turning the lights on and off. He is learning and processing his behaviors.

The good news is he was quiet in his room for a while so I slept a little longer. He was very calm after that. He came to me showing me his games and was laughing the whole time. He only wants me to play if I do it exactly like he wants me to but I explain to him when it is my turn I get to make choices. This is not a popular opinion though and he will change it to something else and walk away if he doesn’t want me to do it.

I’m trying to get him to understand why we like people. He has his favorite people that he loves to spend time with but he can’t explain why. I completely understand that is a hard concept to grasp so I tell him the characteristics of the people that I like and why so he can make the connections. I will tell him that he is amazing, is funny, gives great hugs, has the best smile, and list other qualities when we talk at different times.

As I was helping him get ready for church I leaned over and he licked my head. He said, “That’s gross we don’t do that.” I thought you took the words right out of my mouth. He was very calm on the way to and from church. We had stopped to get his requested lunch and he was very happy. He remained calm all afternoon and I would say it was because he was very sleepy.

We’ve talked a little about not spitting on people’s pants, that his friend needed to go everywhere with us, and that “you know the answer” is what I’m always supposed to know even though I don’t know the question. He was very tired so maybe we will both sleep tonight. I’m thankful for an interestedly calm day and to be able to laugh a lot with my sweet baby O. It does this momma’s heart good. Follow your dreams, inspire the world, and know you can make a difference. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Sleep was not my friend last night but thankfully it was Owen’s. I couldn’t fall asleep last night and then I woke up not feeling my best but he woke up in a great mood. He had a lot on his mind and it had to do with the leprechauns and his best friend.

He was very talkative all day. Most of it was what I call moving forward talk. He was propelling a conversation forward by continuously talking about something that led to something else and then following through with it. He is missing his best friend and wants to see him again soon. That led to all the places he would like to go with him and this in itself makes me so thrilled that he wants to go places with people.

He knew he was not going to see his grandma first thing in the morning because “Mommy had an appointment.” Anytime his schedule is different he thinks I have an appointment. Technically, I was doing a comedy show to benefit the Cancer Center Boutique where I got my new head-do but appointment works for me and it helps him understand. He was calm all morning for me which helped since I was not feeling my best.

We laughed a lot this morning. He was full of questions but I had to redirect him numerous times to get him to move forward. After we got dressed to go I was sitting to get my shoes on and he reached over and licked my head. This is still something that is very unexpected and I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to saying “Don’t lick my head” but I think about how many times I’ve said, “Don’t lick the door” or “Don’t lick the cat” amongst other things and I think we’ve come along way.

We met his grandma and off he went to have a fabulous time. I’m so thankful for their beautiful connection. I was off to the event and I’m thankful to everyone who performed and came out to watch the show. Laughter is the best medicine even if I couldn’t remember a lot of my lines. Chemo brain is real. That’s what I’m blaming it on this time.

I picked Owen up and we headed home. He did amazing on the way there. We even got stopped by a train and he was incredibly calm. He knew it was my turn on the way home to go the way I wanted and he didn’t scream once. He did all the steps he needed to for bedtime and it was a very smooth night.

The whole way home and as he was falling asleep he talked about his people. I love his love for his people. His heart is incredible and it makes me so proud of who he is. Kindness and grace matter and my sweet baby O is learning how to share it with the world. Be thankful in your soul and let your heart be happy. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Noise is never our friend and it was very loud last night for many different reasons. It woke us both up very early but Owen was in a great mood and telling me all kinds of things. He couldn’t wait to get to school and he kept asking about his teacher.

I decided to tell him about going to see “Night Santa” next Friday and he was super excited. The therapy clinic Owen goes to for music has an annual 5K event and Santa comes. We went last year and Owen started calling him “night Santa” because we saw him at night. We also see another Santa at Cabela’s and he thinks he hangs out with the Easter bunny and brings him with him. He wants to go out to dinner with “Night Santa.”

“Operation Shorts” is underway. He asked all morning if he could wear shorts and I told him the only way was to wear them over jogger pants. I know a lot of people who wear shorts even in the winter, my brother was one of them, but with Owen, it is hard to explain rules and specific reasons about clothes. Plus, he doesn’t always react to being too hot or too cold. He gladly put his shorts over a pair of jogger pants and I sent a note to his teacher explaining it. I am also hoping that maybe this will put a spin on his blue pants. Next up is getting him to wear a different pair of shoes and socks again.

We got ready to wait for the bus and he wanted to make sure I knew he was not going to scream at his teacher. I try to go over the kindness rules often and then he randomly will explain them back to me while occasionally screaming the kindness rules. Thankfully he truly has such a kind heart and screaming is mostly when he is having a hard time emotionally processing something. And of course the attention-getter kind. It was pure joy that washed over his face as he saw the bus coming. He was so ready to get to school and see his people.

His school was let out early because of a water main break. He rode home on the bus and promptly told me all the things that were broken meaning all his activities he couldn’t do this afternoon. He uses the words “broke” and “broken” when something doesn’t go according to plan or work right. He then told me he wants it to all be “leprechauned” so it will be new on Monday. When we had bad storms that left some of our area without power or phones amongst other things for quite some time he told me that the leprechauns were there fixing his school and other places. I’m not quite sure how he decided this but now everything needs to be “leprechauned” and I absolutely love it. I am hoping the leprechauns might have suggestions about blue pants.

He was so incredibly calm for the rest of the day. He would occasionally come to ask about school on Monday and if he would see his teacher but thankfully he wasn’t stressed about it. He also wanted to confirm if he “slept upper all night” that he would get to see his grandma tomorrow and church on Sunday. I confirmed that as well.

Bedtime came and he quickly fell asleep, yelling out about the leprechauns, “Night Santa,” and his plans for tomorrow. My heart is full and I’m glad my sweet baby O had a good day. I’m thankful that I am finally feeling better from this round of chemo and I’m excited about being able to do comedy tomorrow to laugh the cancer right out of me. Laughter truly is the best cure for it all. Find your smile, find your joy, and share it with the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I was asleep early, woke up once for an hour or so, and then back to sleep I went. Around three o’clock I started feeling better than I had in days. I was thankful for that. Owen proudly came to me again after five, sharing he had “slept upper all night,” and then talked about his teacher. He took his tablet and went back to his room. It was very smooth sailing.

I am trying not to answer every one of his questions when we have already discussed it. This is extremely hard to do. He repeats the same word or phrase over and over again expecting me to respond to each one. My brain answers before I can even think about it sometimes. I want him to feel confident in his own answers and not rely on me to say the same thing. The fine line I walk through is knowing when he is about to have a meltdown over me not answering. I have to make sure he knows he is amazing and in control.

It rained all day. My heart still jumps when I hear it raining. For years Owen would cry and scream when it would rain. When he learned to talk he would tell me to turn off the rain. One drop of rain would send him into meltdowns. And then one day it changed. Thanks to Curious George Owen learned to jump in the puddles and have fun with it. We got ready this morning, went out to wait for the bus, and he handled the rain like it wasn’t even there. Every time it rains I pray that we never cycle back to the days it made him cry.

I picked him up from school for his therapy. His teacher told me he had a harder afternoon but I know it has to do with all of the things he is learning to process about his own emotions and how he handles other people’s emotions. He talked about being kind to people and not hitting. I am so thankful that he is making the connection to being kind. When I took him to therapy his therapist said he had a really good day. He was still focused on talking about her clothes but they were able to do all the exercises. That was the progress I wanted to hear.

When we got home his Shark Bite game came and he was so excited. He couldn’t wait for me to get it out of the box. He had me set it up and asked numerous times for me to play but every time I tried to play with him he took the fishing pole from me and said, “No.” He played with it all night long but not once did he want it to bite him or take any of the pieces off the game. This will probably last a week or so and then he will be ready for it to do all its magic. He asked me for two more games tonight and he still wants me to find a Spanish robot BeatBo. He makes my heart so happy.

The rest of the night he was very calm. He asked for a “quick bath then you can have your tablet.” I love how he words things. He sang with me this morning when we worked on his scales. I love the days when he wants to sit with me and share his thoughts. Never give up on the hope for tomorrow. Find your ray of sunshine even through the clouds. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I slept pretty good last night even though I’m still not feeling great. I woke up once for about an hour and then went back to sleep. Owen slept all night and came to me a little after five, proudly proclaiming he had “slept upper night.”

I’m praying that tomorrow I will feel better. The last couple of days have been rough with food. I truly love eating and I think this is probably the hardest part for me. I look back and think how the surgery for my port installation felt like a piece of cake compared to the days of food not tasting great. But I’m thankful for how far I’ve come with all of this and in less than a month I will have my next surgery. I’m in it to win it and I know it will be alright.

The morning went quickly. Owen was much calmer about getting dressed than yesterday. I’m trying to figure out the right way to let him decide what to wear and telling him he can’t wear certain clothes. It’s like a cycle we go through every single day. I want him to be independent but I also want him to connect to how he sees clothes and understand our actions when others aren’t wearing what we think they should be wearing.

He was so happy to wait for the bus and go to school. He checked multiple times with me to make sure which school he was going to and then he was off. He came home much happier today and his bus aide wore shorts for him just to make sure he would have a better day. I am so thankful for the people in his life who care so much about him and work with him on so many levels.

Right when we got inside his doctor called to talk about his last appointment and how everything was going. Owen is back to not handling phone calls well and immediately started screaming. My heart breaks that hearing someone through the phone makes him so upset he can’t handle it. Thankfully it was his doctor and he completely understood. He quickly talked through everything with me and we hung up. I asked Owen if he could tell me why it upset him so much hoping that I could help him connect to his feelings. He doesn’t know how to explain it but I keep hoping that those connections will be formed by the questions I ask.

He sat with me for a while before dinner while I was working on my laptop. I showed him his picture and I asked him who it was. He said, “Baby Owen” and started smiling, tilting his head back and forth as he looked at himself from different angles. Looking at pictures of himself and others he knows is also something that he has a difficult time with. Sometimes it’s no problem and then other times he screams and runs away.

The rest of the night was quiet but full of lots of laughter. Those are my favorite moments when I hear his joyous laugh. I think of these calm moments as my gifts. I know that he is happy and that fills my heart with joy. Focus on the good stuff and let the rest wash away. Today is your day to be happy. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Sleep happened for both of us. I slept until five. I woke up numerous times but went right back to sleep. My stomach was not cooperating last night but I was feeling a little better by morning. Thankfully Owen slept until about six and was happy today was a school day.

He was very calm except he wanted me to sit and only talk to him about the game he wanted us to play. Some days it is hard for him to process we have to get ready for school even though he wants to go. He was very ready for his day though and we got dressed.

Getting dressed was a little more emotional for him and the start of a very emotional day for me. He is once again focusing on what I’m wearing and wants me to wear dresses. I thought we were past this. It’s the cycling back through behaviors that can be so hard and finding ways to redirect him. He didn’t want to wear anything but jeans once I told him it was too cold for shorts. This is where I wonder if it is truly too cold for shorts.

After we got dressed and we were waiting to go outside he said he wanted to make a “craft flower.” I was so excited that he wanted to do it to show his teacher. He randomly started talking about making. We had to do it quickly when he mentioned it because we only had a few minutes until the bus. He wanted to use scissors and a glue stick but I knew we didn’t have enough time for that. It made my day that he suggested it all and was excited to take it to school.

When he got off the bus he was so upset the driver and aide were wearing pants instead of shorts. The aide let me know that he was having a hard time but wasn’t sure at that point what was upsetting him. When the bus left he started crying. My heart just breaks.

When we went inside he calmed down but I wish I had the answers to get him through the change in clothes. He didn’t stop mentioning clothes and people’s feelings all night long. I remember when he was younger and still was learning to talk. If I wore the wrong clothes he would rush to me and start pulling at everything. He would bite, kick, or pull my hair. It took so much to work through those days with him. I pray for his understanding and that we can find another way to focus on all this.

When we started getting ready for bed he wanted to read with me. He was showing me his tablet and going through his different screens that had a story on them. I love that he wants to read with me and tries to pronounce all the words himself. At the end of the day always focus on the good stuff. Let your heart be full of joy and know that tomorrow more progress will be made. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Owen slept! I woke a couple of times to go to the bathroom but that is always expected after my infusions. I was still tired but felt more rested than yesterday. Owen had a goal of seeing his grandma today and he proudly announced multiple times that he “slept upper all night.” He is getting closer to saying that he slept all night but I still love hearing his versions.

There were a lot of repetitive conversations this morning and he would yell out “You know the answer” but I try to explain to him that I don’t know the question. When he asks me about anything I keep telling him he knows it already and has it stored in his amazing brain. I keep wanting him to build confidence in his own answers and know that he doesn’t have to get the answer from me. He knows so many facts but it is when he needs to know something that he has the hardest time with.

He is getting more excited about getting presents and how they arrive. Owen never understood presents when he was younger and in fact, presents made it even harder for him. He didn’t want a wrapped gift unwrapped. The process led to many huge meltdowns over the years. I think about how far he has come now and he can’t wait until something comes in the mail or when he gets what he wants. It fills my heart with such gladness to see the changes.

We got ready and I took him to his grandma’s house. I told him it would be my turn to decide the route to grandma’s house and then when we came home from his vision therapy he could tell me which way he wanted to go. He was very calm about it and did well on the way there.

He knew his grandma was going to take him to music therapy and his therapist told my mom that his focus was on blue pants again. He says all the right things about it when we are home but then can’t get past it when he is in a different setting.

I met them for his vision therapy appointment. He did better with his doctor but he still was focused on what she was wearing and that he wanted them to be chewing gum. Thankfully he did much better with the exercises he was doing.

I’m thankful for his progress and glad he gets to go back to school tomorrow. He is looking forward to it. I had taken some of his schoolwork to show his grandma on Saturday. He wanted to read them with her today and then he brought them home so he could read them again. This made my heart full.

We came home and ate dinner. He wanted to play one of his games with me but we kept losing. This did not make him happy but thankfully he moved on and we had a great rest of our night. I’m hoping he sleeps again tonight and so do I. Let today be your guide for an amazing day tomorrow and let the sun shine on your every move. Smiles to all and donut daze!