The plan did not go according to plan. The plan had been going so accordingly and then here it was midnight and Owen was in my room yelling at me for having my light on. He wanted to go back to sleep. I told him to go back to his bed. He crawled over me, got under the cover, and continued the discussion of why I needed to turn the light out instantly. Thankfully one of us fell asleep quickly. Tonight I pray he sleeps through the night again. It’s such an emotional rollercoaster to have him not sleep one night when he had been doing so well. It makes me think he will be up again. Every noise is a noise and it’s so hard when there are all kinds of noises around us. It took me a while to fall asleep and then I kept hearing him move. Thankfully he woke in a great mood. I can tell he is getting anxious about being off from school next week. When the routine he thrives in is completely changed that is hard for him to understand. I’m thankful for how much his teacher works with him to understand when he will be in school or when he will be home. I can hear her words reflecting back when he speaks. He talks about how many sleeps it is until he will see her again. The bond that she has with him is wonderful. Creating this bond has made school even more important to him. When he got ready for school he was still struggling to put his pants on. Instead of looking at them he will grab them from me and move them in the wrong direction and then generally gets the first leg in the wrong side. Then he stands there with it pulled up way too high to stick his other leg in even if it is in the right direction. He continuously then says “help” while standing there trying to put them on. He used to put his pants on a little more fluidly but it seems like he gets stuck with needing the legs straight before he can put the other one on. His shoes were the same story today. I think part of the problem with his shoes is they are not blue enough. I’m looking at a few pairs I think he might like. We stood out waiting for his bus. I told him this morning he was going to his therapy today. We only go a couple of times a month and it is random days so I don’t want him to get upset when it is on different days or it changes. He was excited to be going. He talked to me about it as we stood waiting for the bus. He saw the bus and his smile became huge. I love that it makes him happy. When he came home from school he immediately started talking about going to his therapy as soon as he got off the bus. When we walked inside he decided he didn’t want to go. We had not quite an hour before we had to leave so I thought I’d give him time to process it all. He started taking off his jacket and he said, “help with the Velcro please.” I was excited about this and I thought this was something his teacher or aides taught him. Usually, he starts squealing about it or steps out of his jacket not opening it all the way. The Velcro keeps the flap closed over the zipper and it does get stuck. I’m showing him how to put his hand where it can help pull apart the Velcro. I fixed him a snack and he immediately took his shoes and clothes off. He insisted he was staying home. This is the fine line if I push he may have a meltdown but we also needed to go and he always loves when he does go. He had one thing in mind though and that was going to sleep so he could see his teacher tomorrow. Routine means everything. After a little longer, I told him he needed to get dressed again because we had to go. He went to the bathroom, asked for more milk, and then got ready. He was very happy he went. I asked him if he wanted to get pancakes and chicken but instead he said he wanted to come home. He asked multiple times multiple ways when he was going to see his teacher again and what his next week held. I have been trying to prepare him that our church is having a Christmas Eve service on Saturday and he will be home with mommy on Sunday since they will be sharing the Sunday service online so everyone can be with their families. Tonight as he was falling asleep he said, “Saturday go to church Sunday be with mommy.” I was thankful for these words and how much it was clicking together for him. We also might get snow so we may have a white Christmas and then we would stay home. Today felt exhausting but Owen got through so many obstacles today. I’m very thankful for his growth and what tomorrow will bring. The sun will shine through even on those cloudy days. Find your motivation and make your dreams come true. Smiles to all and donut daze!

To say I’m frazzled is an understatement. Owen slept great again last night and for that, I’m very thankful. He woke in a good mood and even manage to leave the lights on. This whole sleep thing is more glorious than I can even explain. It’s grand only having to worry about my own sleep issues and not both of ours. He was ready to get to school. I truly love how excited he is to go to school. He gets anxious about putting his new shoes on. His last pair was a little easier for him to put on. The Velcro seems to stick more with these. He was also very focused on going to the big slides today. I wasn’t sure if they were open more hours with the holidays approaching so I told him we would go if they were open. That is a hard concept for him to understand and I’m not sure how to help him with the connection. When he came home from school he was focused. He knew he wanted to go to the big slides. We were waiting on our friends so I told him I wasn’t sure if we were going. He said, “don’t know quite yet quite yet in about an hour.” Unfortunately, they were not open so we decided to go to another indoor play area. As we were driving there he kept yelling, “it's an adventure” because that's what I tell him when we try something new. He wasn’t exactly thrilled we weren’t going to the big slides but I told him it would be someplace he wanted to go. It had been a long time since we went and they were very different now. There were tons of video games and small kid rides, which he loved but you paid by the amount of time you wanted to spend and it was very expensive. We had met our friends there so we decided thirty minutes would be good for the kids. Timing the activities was hard for them because like with Owen he ran all over the place and there were too many choices for him to make quick decisions. Plus, he wanted to talk to everyone about their pants and look at the restrooms and kitchen areas. The thirty minutes went fast and Owen was just starting to warm up to everything but was also in sensory overload. We left there and he wanted chicken nuggets and a cheeseburger. When we headed home he continued to repeat “take me by the windows please” for the entire time we were going home. I was not going to drive by the buildings today but I felt like if I didn’t he was going to have a meltdown. He liked going to the play area but it was hard because of the timing. Maybe when he is a little older we can try again. The rest of the night flew by and he fell asleep telling me a story about a zebra at the zoo and other animals. He spelled each word after he said it. I’m thankful for his growth and his big smile. Today is the first day of your grand new adventure. Count your blessing, share your victories, and know that you can accomplish anything if you set your mind to it. Smiles to all and donut daze!

“Tablet,” Owen said to me. I looked at the clock at it was right about five. I didn’t even try to convince him to go back to sleep. I did however tell him that he needed to go to the potty. It didn’t take him long and he was back with the same word coming out of his mouth before he could even get to me. This time I was a little more awake and I said, “how about a good morning?” He said, “tablet.” I tried again and this time he said, “I want chocolate milk please” and ran off. I needed to get up anyways so I did all the same things he just went through. I gave him a big hug and asked him if he wanted pancakes and he said he wanted a waffle. He then started asking me about church and the big slides. I told him we weren’t going to the big slides but we were going to church. He asked me about “Halloween Christmas” and I explained to him what he already knew. I told him it wasn’t Halloween. He said, “it’s October.” I knew what he meant and I knew where this was going. He enjoyed the Trunk or Treat at our church and he also enjoyed the singalong we had so he wanted to go “back to church.” He’s my social butterfly. He has started calling everyone “Amy.” I don’t know why and when someone says their name isn’t Amy then he starts listing off all the names he knows. I am trying to get him to say what his name is and then ask the person what their name is. He’s getting better at it. He ate a lot for breakfast and when he was done he brought me several of his books for us to read. He read most of the book but then he would say “mommy’s turn” when there were too many words he didn’t know. I am thankful that he wants to read as much as he does and how well he is doing with it. I constantly tell him that he is doing fantastic and I’m so proud of him for reading with me. I want to encourage more reading and especially interacting with me while he is reading. I’m trying to teach Owen that with good behaviors he gets rewards and with bad behaviors, he won’t get to do his favorite things. Parenting is hard and finding a balance with behavioral punishments is stressful. He doesn’t completely understand that if he does something wrong that he gets in trouble for it. He is starting to get some of it but explaining that he can’t do something because of a behavior doesn’t always add up to the same thing for him. We got ready for church and he was excited to go. He asked the same questions again and I told him we weren’t going to the big slides nor were we coming back to church. He had a great time at church and he tried one more time for asking if we could go back to church. I explained again not today. After we got home his book that he has been requesting arrived. I got it off the porch and showed it to him. He was so thrilled. I told him about the second book too. He took them from me and put them on the floor. About thirty minutes later he came to me with the first one. He has been asking for “Curious George Cleans Up monkey” for weeks. He started reading it for me. He had trouble with a few of the words and he would say, “it’s mommy’s turn” and let me answer. As soon as we were done with this book he ran off and got the other one. He did the same thing. I’m happy he loves books so much. He started talking about narwhals walking on land and then he would laugh as he started explaining it. He said, “naw they swim in the ocean.” He was laughing the whole time like he was making a joke. The rest of the afternoon was filled with more books and laughter. He was very ready for his week ahead. He sounds like he is trying to figure out what the holiday break is going to be for him. He keeps asking to go to places during the day. The night went quickly and he was ready for school tomorrow and that was music to my ears. I love his love for learning. Find what motivates you and inspire the world with your joy. Smiles to all and donut daze!

When you know you get to go to the big slides you get up early so you don’t miss going to the big slides. Owen woke before five. He came to me asking for his tablet and the big slides. I’m not sure if I was coherent enough to remember which came first or how many times he said it before it registered. I told him to go back to bed and try again after five. He said, “tablet.” By this time I was trying to decide if this was a one eye-opener moment or two. I told him before anything he had to go to the bathroom. Surprisingly he ran off, yelling something over his shoulder, and miraculously came back in a little bit asking for his tablet again. About that time I heard the coffeemaker starting the glorious wake-up juice and I knew I couldn’t fight it anymore. I gave him his tablet and told him to go lay back down. He said, “chocolate milk please” and from there it was time to get the day going. I asked him a question and he said, “welp.” This is when I’m amazed and scratching my head. I’m amazed he knew the word and said it so matter of fact but wondering where he learned it from. I said, “come here please” and he said, “I want to show you something” mimicking my voice as he said it. The boy knows when I ask him to come to me that I’m generally going to make him try something, work on a project, or do his exercises. He’s got me figured out. I told him we would be going to big slides soon but I wanted to distract him from our grocery delivery. I try not to have the groceries delivered when he is home but sometimes I still have to. He repeats many phrases throughout the day and one of them is “groceries is de man.” Today’s delivery was going to be by a woman. I didn’t want this to cause more problems nor did I want him at the window yelling at her. He sat on my bed with me, stuffing everything under my pillow. He doesn’t want anything on my bed and I had been doing work on my computer with my papers spread out. I went to the kitchen after the groceries were delivered. I pulled out one of the drawers to put something away. Owen came back through and had to make sure all the drawers were closed. All the drawers needed to be pushed in even though I hadn’t opened them all. We got ready and headed to the big slides. When we walked outside one of his new books had come so he asked to take it with him. He read it in the car. He wanted to take it in but I told him it wouldn’t be easy on the slides. He decided to leave it in the car. I do believe he was in sensory overload when we got there. He was so happy because Santa was there. As soon as we checked in we found a place for our coats and shoes and he took off. I try to stay with him but I’m not exactly fast. We have been there enough times they recognize Owen and one of the guys is always interacting with him. I was looking for him on the slides and I see a flash run past at the front. He was going to see Santa. When we walked in the door he kept asking where Mrs. Claus was. He ran back and forth from one side of the room and then back to Santa. He picked up confetti off the floor and laid down near the large candy cane display. He sat on Santa’s lap numerous times and continued running back and forth even though I told him numerous times not to run. He finally went and jumped on the trampoline and then went down the slides. He talked to everyone. He asked them their name after saying every name he has ever heard. He sat next to kids and tried to slide down at the same time as many of them. After a couple of hours, I could tell he started to get hyper so we needed to leave. I let him do a few more things and then it was time to go. He once again ran ahead of me and sat on Santa’s lap again. And pulled out some of Santa’s beard. Thankfully Santa didn’t put him on the naughty list and was very kind about it. When we left he wanted me to take him by the windows and then we went home. It seems like we both ate none stop the rest of the night. He played on his computer and asked about church tomorrow. He wanted to know if his friends were going to be there and he wanted to go back to church to sing Christmas hymns again. I told him they weren’t having it again and he said, “you can go” so we will see what happens tomorrow. I’m very thankful for how well our day went and praying for sleep once again. He had an amazing day and his laughter filled my soul. To all of you that are going through something, know you are not alone, and you can accomplish anything if set your mind to it. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Sleep is a beautiful thing. Thankfully Owen slept through the night once again. He wakes happier and seems like he is in a better mood. He didn’t want the lights on this morning but that truly is the standard now. He was watching his tablet and going back and forth from my room to the living room and then he came back to talk to me. I like when he spends time with me in the mornings talking about the things that are exciting to him. He has been talking about music. He is getting really good at his harmonica. When we saw his music teacher yesterday he was once again thrilled to see him. When we got home that evening he talked about his harmonica. I told him he could take it to show his teacher. I didn’t know if he would play it but I put it in his backpack for school. When we got outside to wait for the bus we walked towards the street. I always go out early in case the bus is ahead of schedule. Plus, it gives us time to work on our exercises and for us to talk about his day ahead. We stood there for a minute but the wind was really strong so I told him that we were going to stand on the porch out of the wind. I knew this would not go over well but I need him to understand sometimes we have to do something different and the more times I can introduce this to him in controlled circumstances it will help him realize he can do anything if he sets his mind to it. Once we got on the porch he wanted to go back to the sidewalk. I told him that we could go back in three minutes which would still give us a couple of minutes to wait if the bus was on time. I had him watch the clock with me. I am trying to get him to understand the concept of time. I already think he understands better than I can imagine but he can’t tell time on a clock. When he came home from school he was planning his days ahead. He didn’t want to go anywhere tonight but he sure has the rest of the weekend planned. His teacher told me he had a great day and she was very impressed with his language skills. I asked him if he played the harmonica for his music teacher. He laughed and he said he sang. He then said something else and said harmonica but I couldn’t understand what else he said. He was mostly happy throughout the evening with only a few minutes when his apps weren’t working correctly but otherwise had a great evening. I’m thankful for his words and his growth. Find your inspiration and know that you can accomplish anything if you set your mind to it. Smiles to all and donut daze!

Traditional Thursday. I am truly thankful for this sleep trend we are having right now. Owen woke up after five and got into bed with me. I thought he was going to ask for his tablet so I told him he needed to go to the bathroom first. He instead crawled over me and slept for another twenty minutes. I got up to go to the bathroom and get my coffee. He said, “no” as soon as I got up. I explained to him that our bodies dictate what we have to do and going to the bathroom is not a choice. I don’t always know how to explain a process or why we do something but I know I have to attempt to explain it to him. Teaching him about moods goes about the same way. I can’t always explain why I don’t feel like doing something or why my attitude is the way it is but I have to try to make him understand that it’s how we think that can influence our moods. I got to the bathroom and it wasn’t much longer and he was there next. He then got his tablet and was in a great mood. I love days like this when he can work with me through all these moments. He did better about putting his clothes on by himself and he mostly did his socks and shoes. He still struggles with the tighter Velcro on his new shoes and he tries to put them on the opposite feet. He couldn’t wait to get on the bus. He said, “when it spring I’ll take train to school” as the bus turned the corner. He often talks about the train. We rode on it once years ago and I wondered if it is because of that or from videos he watches. He had an awesome day at school. He is always amazing his teacher and me with his words and knowledge. Today he came up with nightingale and narwhal for the animals that started with N. Once again when I picked him up from school he was in a great mood and he saw his music teacher as we were walking out. I love how excited Owen gets when he talks about music with him. On the way to his therapy, he was very talkative. We talked about his days ahead and I told him that we had other plans on Saturday and he was not going to go to grandma’s house. I wanted to prepare him early. He took that ball and ran with it. He said, “go to the big slides let’s have a party.” I think he knows what he wants. He also wanted to make sure he was still going to school tomorrow, his “Curious George clean up book” was coming on Saturday, and that he was going to church on Sunday. Once I confirmed all of those things he was happy. And I’m hoping his new books do come then. When we got to his therapy he kept saying that I could go with him and then he would repeat my words in my accent. I had told him I could go but I wanted him to go by himself this time. I feel like it is good for him to do it in a variety of ways so I wanted him to have a week without me going again. They said he did amazing and was very focused on his tasks. He got to choose what he wanted to do when we left and I gave him several options. He choose for me to drive him by the windows so he could look at all the buildings. He told me “tractors and Santa next time.” The night was quiet for us and he was reading a lot. I'm glad it was a good day and that he is making more connections to what is happening with him and his schedule. Progress is a beautiful thing to watch. The rocky days will roll away and the sun will shine again. Keep your focus on the goal of victory. Smiles to all and donut daze!

He said, “cheese close your eyes” when he looked at this.

I must say it truly is a glorious thing when sleep happens and we seem to be on such a great trend right now. Owen’s been much calmer and in turn, I’m so much calmer even though I don’t always feel like anything is ever calm right now. I know the better he sleeps the calmer he is. He came to me and asked for his tablet a little before six. I asked him if he had gone to the bathroom already knowing he hadn’t gone to the bathroom already but I asked him anyways. I like to ask him in a way that makes him have to think about it so he will do it more frequently on his own. He knew what today was and he knew what we were doing. It was his grandma’s birthday so we were going to breakfast. He was going to order pancakes, chicken, and bacon. Which technically meant he was ordering the pancakes and bacon and he was going to eat all of my chicken fried steak that we call chicken. He did really well at breakfast. He was distracted more so than the last few times we’ve gone to eat but he still did great. We brought most of his pancakes home but he ate all my chicken. It was raining when we left and thankfully he only mentioned it a couple of times and didn’t get upset when we got wet. When we got home we had to wait for the “leaf fairy” to come and bring a “lollipop and a present with ribbons” so he can get a new hat. The leaf fairy’s name he told me is “cuckoo bird.” He brought a leaf in from the yard and it immediately went under his pillow and he started telling me how the leaf fairy was coming to give him presents. I now wonder how many times he is going to want the leaf fairy to come. I’m not sure why the leaf fairy is called cuckoo bird except the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse has one on an episode. It was a great morning but it was yucky weather so we stayed home for the rest of the day. He kept asking for more chicken. By the time night came around the dude was ready for bed because that meant he got to go to school and therapy tomorrow. He was happy as he fell asleep, getting out of bed several times to give me “one more hug” and then finally fell asleep. I’m thankful for Owen’s smile and his laughter. Celebrate your victories no matter how big or small celebrate them all. Smiles to all and donut daze!

I don’t know what time it was but Owen crawled into bed with me. Thankfully he went right back to sleep. I think I did too. He was ready to ride that bus though. I’m thankful he loves going to school. Being out of routine was hard for him yesterday. When he got on the bus I could tell he was happy. When he came home from school there was no question about what he wanted to do and that was go out to breakfast with grandma for her birthday tomorrow. He told me to change and that was that. We were home for the night. We have been preparing him for having the day off from school tomorrow for a teacher planning day and he knew we were going out to eat. When his routine is changed it is hard for him but he is learning to adapt and thankfully he realizes we can do other things. He kept telling me what he wanted to order for breakfast tomorrow. He said, “pancakes and chicken” and then he said, “and I’d like some bacon please.” I’m going to see if he will order his food. I’m trying to give him more responsibilities now when we go places. When we go to his therapy appointments I always have him check in even though they recognize him I still want him to understand the process and what we are doing. Since he learned that his BeatBo robot toy can be taken apart for repairs he has been referencing it more. The crossover for BeatBo into other things is happening. He requested “the itsy bitsy spider takes his ears off from Alexa.” I kept showing him pairs of his pants. It was all the different colors and singing songs about them, putting them on my head, and his head, hoping to make it fun. He kept putting them on the chair but he wasn’t upset so I’m going to keep doing it to see how he reacts. He played on his computer for most of the night having lots of fun and singing. He doesn’t always play with our computer but in the last couple of days, he has really enjoyed it. He fell asleep talking about pancakes, chicken, and bacon. I’m thankful for a day full of routine for him and I pray we sleep. Today is the first day of the rest of your life so make today matter. Smiles to all and donut daze!

To say today was full is probably an understatement. I keep repeating focus on the good stuff, focus on the good stuff. And today I want to cry. It’s been hard, it’s been emotional, but it’s been amazing too. I never imagined how one step forward could take so many steps sideways to even get forward and that’s not including the steps backward. I’m thankful we are at least sleeping more through the night. This morning Owen woke closer to six. I didn’t rush him since I knew we were going to his appointment. He handled it well. It is hard when he doesn’t get to keep his routine. He wanted to go on the bus even though he knew he wasn’t going to he still wanted to know he wasn’t going on it so he continued to ask. He then moved on to talking about seeing his teacher after the appointment. He needs that confirmation of what’s happening. I made sure he understood he would be going. We got to his appointment and there was more good than hard but it was still emotional. It is hard for Owen to explain his emotions and what he is thinking. I am seeking out help to get him through his need for everyone to wear blue pants. We got to his appointment a little after eight and we spent several hours talking to the doctors. We are working on several things and will go back in a month for more evaluations. As hard as it was Owen sat through the whole process and was relatively calm the entire time. Thankfully the one doctor wore blue pants and he tolerated the other doctor not being in blue pants when she came in. This was not a quick appointment so I was proud of him. It takes a lot out of me to go through the questions that I don’t necessarily know how to answer or want to answer. It’s hard to answer questions about milestones when they are all delayed but yet I’m focusing on the good stuff I remind myself of. When we left there I took him to school. He was so very happy. He came home from school and had his snack. We were then off to his eye therapy appointment. He had the biggest meltdown because his doctor wore black pants. I think it was partly because she had been wearing blue to most of his other appointments and he was on overload from being out of routine from earlier. It was probably one of the biggest meltdowns he has had in a while over it and I tried every way I could to help calm him and so did the doctor. I want to take his hurt away and I would give anything if I could find him some comfort during all this. On the drive home, he was still hysterical and crying from the meltdown. Thankfully by the time, we walked in our door he was mostly calm. He was eating his dinner and I went to get him more milk. He started talking about playing the horn on his bike that he is getting. He had told the doctor that he was getting one in between the screams. He then said her name. He told me he saw his doctor. I said yes but you were really upset with her. He said, “clothes.” I told him we can’t be upset over people’s clothes we have to work through it. He said, “I’m sorry delisha I’m sorry bout clothes need a hug.” And then I tried not to cry. He calls her by this because he can’t say her name. He understands so much but yet it’s still incredibly hard for him to see people in clothes that he can’t process. I’m thankful for his words and maybe this will help him move forward. I pray and pray and pray for guidance and strength. It’s hard watching your baby throw himself to the ground being so upset about a situation that you can’t even begin to control or change. This isn’t something we can avoid or ignore. The entire world can’t or won’t all be in blue pants so I have to find a way to help him move forward. I can only imagine what he feels or sees in these situations. There is a solution and we will find it. It gave me incredible hope when he stood there and told me as much as he could about his emotions. That is the rock I will stand on tomorrow for strength. He will be back in routine tomorrow so I pray it helps. The victory comes from the effort of learning to succeed and move forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!