Rinse, repeat, repeat, repeat, and more repeat, plus some rinse, and then a hundred more repeats. Or so the story goes. Owen once again slept until about six. This is one of those happy day moments. Maybe I’m closer to feeling rested, maybe. The emotions ran heavy today, very, very heavy. I truly do not know why Owen decided he needed to see his grandma tomorrow but he hasn’t stopped asking about her. I asked him if it is because of Mickey Mouse on the tv but even though he’s saying yes I’m not sure if that is the answer. My mind spins with him repeating “grandma grandma” over and over again. This is also coupled with the word “school” and the repeat is in full swing. I breathe. He gets stuck in those moments and can’t move forward. And neither can I. I remind him that we are a team and we have to work on this together. I breathe some more. We had rain this morning but thankfully the rain didn’t keep us from meeting our friends at the park. Owen decided he also wanted to ride his bike so I got it out of the car for him. I was excited that he had decided he wanted to ride his bike because he hadn’t wanted to do that for a while. Our friends got there right after we did. He went to the slide first. I wasn’t sure how he was going to react to anything because the rain had come. There were puddles across the field, and as soon as we had gotten out of the car, he had to maneuver over one to get into the park. It was a small puddle and he could’ve walked around it, but he wanted to walk over it. The struggle in me is letting him have a struggle as well. I wanted to get right back in the car and hide. The goal is to push forward and get him used to the rain but it’s emotional watching your child be emotional. I never imagined all of the conflicts he would have because of rain. I was able to get him back off the slide before there was a meltdown. He started sitting on his bike and kinda pushing it around. It sprinkled off and on the whole time we were there. He wanted to sit in one of the puddles, but I could see the emotions racing through him as he headed towards it. We were heading to therapy after we spent time with our friends, so I didn’t want him to get into a meltdown mode and get completely wet if he sat in the puddle. We decided to go get the kids a snack and then we sat in the cars next to each other. It was easier than getting out of the car and trying to work through those emotions with him as well. Each step is a step forward, but sometimes the hardest part is actually taking the step. It was great to spend time with our friends. When we were done eating our snack, we headed toward his therapy. He only had one session today and his therapist said that he did well but he acted like he was a little tired. On the way home he kept telling me which way to drive and all of the things he wanted to do but there were more raindrops coming down, so I struggled with taking him to more places. The waves crashed over me as all the moments flashed through my heart. It’s hard on my son and it’s hard on me. I try to think of ways to keep us both moving forward. Even though I really didn’t want to take him to any other places, we drove around the block. There are so many places that he throws out as we’re driving along. It’s hard to keep track of each one of the places. He has names for everything and sometimes that don’t reflect what it actually is. Like he references “the green stop sign” and “turn right at the kangaroo” but I don’t know what they are. We got home and he was mostly calm but said “grandma” over and over again throughout the night. I’m thankful for those moments he wanted to sit with me and that made my day. He was able to talk to me about yesterday and that makes me happy with all his progress. Each step is a step forward and even if you don’t always feel the progress it will be in your soul. Keep taking those steps. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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