There ain’t no rollercoaster ride like a Sunday rollercoaster ride of emotions. The word “ain’t” always reminds me of my childhood. We weren’t supposed to use it. That official grammar rule. Maybe that’s why I like it so much now. The rules are hard sometimes and the days feel emotional. I quickly wrote to God this morning. Dear God, I’m weary and I’m tired. A year ago today I didn’t know how much my world would change within a week. Please let me find peace in my heart today wrapped in your security. I think the Amen was roared loudly. The week ahead already feels hard. Tomorrow is the first last Monday before I lost my brother, then Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, he died on Friday after thanksgiving. The date he died was the 26th but that’s on Saturday. I keep trying to think about that. It’s like it’s supposed to move me forward. I’m not there yet. In the darkness, I stood once again probably figuratively as much as literally. Owen turned the lights out as soon as I had my coffee in hand. He was calm about it but they were out. He had slept all night, woke up after six, and the first word out of his mouth was “church.” It was quickly followed by “iPad.” The lights didn’t stand a chance this morning. He was in a great mood but sensory overload was on top of his great mood like a shadow following him even without the sun to cast the rays. He was so happy though. It was church day and big slides. The morning went quickly. It was a combination of his school iPad, home iPad, and YouTube that kept him laughing singing and running back and forth to me. When we drove to church we talked about Santa coming back from the “Pole” and he was bringing the Easter Bunny but he couldn’t see Santa today because it is November. The rules. He thinks he is bringing the Easter Bunny since they come to the same place. We then started talking about going to the big slides. I reminded him that if we go to the big slides we are getting pizza which means no tractors and no chicken nuggets or cheeseburger. I told him we either did one or the other. He wanted big slides. I explained to him that when we left church we would go home for a few minutes, get a snack, and then go since they didn’t open right after church. He was calm about the whole thing. We got to the indoor playground and before we went in I told him that before he went on the slides we were going to order the pizza and then he could go on the slides until it was done. I wanted him to be aware of all the steps. When the pizza was done he sat and ate with me but I knew he was ready to get back on the slides. About that time I looked up and Owen’s very best friend walked in the door with his family. I told him to look who is here. These two were so incredibly giddy to see each other. Their smiles and laughter warmed my heart. It was so wonderful. They have been in school together for years now and I’m so thankful for their sweet bond. Owen had an incredible time and we stayed there for several hours. The blue pants put me on high alert and he told several people to wear them tomorrow. What really got him though was when a boy had one pant leg rolled all the way up and the other one was down. I could see how upset this was making Owen so we left soon after that because I knew he would be in sensory overload before we knew it. The rest of the night was spent talking about the week ahead. I finally saw an update that unless we got a call there would be school tomorrow but this had already been weighing on Owen and he repeatedly asked me about each day and what we were doing. He said, “two sleeps” which was what his teacher had said to him when they were going to be gone an extra day during the week so I’m glad he is making that connection. I’m thankful he should be in school for the next three days because that helps his routine and I hope that it doesn’t change. He fell asleep with the fake snoring again and I’m thankful for a good day. Don’t wait for life to happen. Make your life what you want it to be. Be brave in your soul, strive to get to your highest potential, share your story, walk the walk, reach out your hand to others, make that call, send that message, do all the things that make you happy, and live life forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.