I didn’t even try to put him in his bed last night. But it still took three hours for him to fall asleep in my bed. He wanted to “watch de movie”. It’s the music video he likes that is very soothing to him. He watched it several times and then when he was still wide awake I switched it to the old standby, a lullaby song that generally puts him right out. After about twenty times of it, I turned everything off. Another fifteen minutes and he was out. I think both of us are a little more mellow today. I’m trying to be at least. When you have nerves of spaghetti on any given day and then you add in a pandemic you just gotta learn to breathe a little more often. The hardest part is not being able to explain all of this to Owen. He woke asking for the same agenda as yesterday, a walk. That almost brought me a sense of relief. The cries for normalcy send me to the edge of tears that I can’t cry in front of him. The smiles and laughter keep me from crying. He started playing a song and dancing with it. His dance shows how he is still learning what his body does. He pushed play on the video, started dancing which consists of him standing still, moving his knees to bounce, and holding his arm out so he can watch how his hand moves to the beat. He was singing the whole time he was moving. His singing brings me pure joy. I look back at our journey and it reminds me of his progress. The doctors told me he might not talk. I couldn’t believe this. I had to believe he could talk. And now here he is singing with such joy. The day had been full of giggles, smiles, and songs until the walk took place. I did not go the route that was expected and this was our new routine. The meltdown happened and the screams echoed through my heart. It was hot and I thought we should get out of the sun quicker. He did not. I cut through a parking lot and got back to our routine. Through these days I’m learning to look for joy in the little things, keep peace in my heart, and remember that we are in this together. Keep moving forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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