Some days the emotions start as soon as you open your eyes. Other days they pour over you like the rain falling from the skies. Owen clings to routine, thrives on routine, needs his routine. And the spiraling effects of no certain and concrete routine can be devastating to him. No school on Friday meant him asking for school all day on Friday. “Be with mommy”, he said when he wasn’t repeating his teacher’s name. All of this leads to him once again not sleeping through the night. He needed to go to “grandma’s” today and he made sure I knew it at two o’clock in the morning and three and four and five and pretty much until we walked out the door. He spent a few hours with grandma and then I went to pick him up. This is where more overthinking takes place. He said he wanted to go bowling and then he told me he didn’t. There was an event at a church near us for kids to be able to interact with first responders. I knew Owen would have a hard time with it but I thought he might like to see all the vehicles leave. I decided to take him by the parking lot but they were already gone by the time we got there. He didn’t understand so he wasn’t too upset except that we had to sit at a light for a very long time. When we left he said he wanted to go bowling. We got halfway there and he started yelling that he wanted to go home. He then kept saying it. He is working through emotions and cried several times. By the time we got home, I wanted to melt into the floor. It breaks my heart how hard it can all be on him. And my thoughts just wilt away at my emotions and how to handle something. I want him to be able to try new things but I also don’t want to push too hard so we never get to do anything. When we got home it took him a few minutes to calm down, asking for church tomorrow numerous times as soon as we walked in the door. I fixed him a snack and then he came to me. He reached up to give me a hug, walked away, saying, “bowling”. I said we could go and he said, “church tomorrow bowling on Monday let's go Monday”. My heart filled with gladness. I don’t know that we’ll go on Monday but I’ll sure try to take him. He put together the whole thought and did it with his connection to emotions. I needed a hug, he gave me a hug, and I’m sure he needed the hug. The rest of the afternoon was spent pretty much with him connected to my hip but I was fine with that. I think we both needed it. He didn’t fall asleep quickly but he fell asleep in my arms and for that I was thankful. My heart wants to give him the world but I know the world can be so overwhelming for both of us sometimes. Never give up. Tomorrow will be a brand new day full of possibilities. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.