My hair is getting harder and harder for him to deal with, add in the bunny ears and that puts a whole other dimension on it. My hair is growing in like a chaotic quilt of varying colors and it is all different lengths. Owen doesn’t want to see it and when I don’t immediately put on my hat he gets upset. Before he even left his bed this morning he was yelling to make sure I had my bunny ears on. I try to explain to him that I don’t sleep with them on and my head gets hot when we are inside.
My heart aches that something like my hair being gone creates so many emotions for him. I knew when I was diagnosed with cancer that cancer wouldn’t be the only thing this journey would be about. I don’t know how I will ever explain to him that it will take years for my hair to be anything like what it was before. All I can do is pray that he can handle it better in the days to come.
The last few days have been emotional for me. I have to remember the more emotional I am the more emotional he is. The last few days have been hard for me. He never forgets a thing and that translates to him holding on to the wrong details as much as he holds onto the right ones. If I say anything wrong, even if he prompts me to say it wrong, it becomes a mantra that he will squeal at the top of his lungs wanting answers. It’s hard. It breaks my heart when he can’t find peace in these moments.
We got ready and went out to wait for the bus. He repeated he was in middle school and wanted me to confirm it, talking about seeing his teacher and everything else the day held. He was so excited to see the bus but getting on the bus was a process. He finally got on and they were off.
I picked him up for music therapy. On the way there he told me he broke his teacher’s glasses. I didn’t think she wore them but I thought maybe I was wrong or she usually wore contacts and happened to have her glasses on. I also thought maybe readers or sunglasses. I told her what he said and she let me know she didn’t wear them. Oh, the stories the boy can tell. I was glad he didn’t break them though. He was very quiet his music therapist said but was at least able to have a good session. We came home for a little bit and then were off to his vision therapy.
It was quite the opposite for his second appointment. He couldn’t focus at all. I had not gone the way he thought we were going and I’m sure that was part of it. He finally calmed down at the end but he was very upset at first. He stayed calm on the car ride home and thankfully we finished the night off with lots of smiles and hugs.
I pray he sleeps all night. I know some days can be very emotional for him and everything has been a trigger lately. He was laughing when we got home and that made me happy. He kept getting out of bed to ask me if he was going to see his teacher tomorrow and I told him yes. I am thankful he loves going. My heart surrounds my sweet baby O and I pray for an amazing tomorrow. Be joyful and know that today is just one day in this thing called life. Smiles to all and donut daze!