Is early even a thing if you wake up before roosters are supposed to crow? Owen thankfully slept later than I did and calmness is our blessing right now. He came to me and said, “Mommy in the white bed.” I told him he could go back to bed if he wanted. He took his tablet and off he ran. I headed to the bathroom and he quickly told me to skedaddle back to my bed. I don’t think he was quite ready to wake up.
He came to me with his tablet and he started talking about the bear on his screen in all the correct details. My heart soared. He generally tells me the bear has blue eyes when he has black eyes. He goes through each of the sections and always tells me incorrect facts so this felt like incredible progress for me not to have to go back and forth with him on this. I told him how proud I was that he told me exactly what the details were. This is again one of those things I feel might be conversational related or possibly his way of telling a joke of some kind. Are you teasing me we will ask.
He kept repeating his teacher’s name over and over again, wanting me to confirm he was going to school. I asked him about each of his days and what he does. My heart aches for how consumed he gets with all the details of his day. I explained to him that he knew all the details and he had so many other amazing things he could tell me. I asked him to tell me three things he liked about school and he started listing things. I love it when he makes those connections.
I did not put on jeans as he was expecting. Instead, I put on black pants. He told me when he got home I should have blue pants. I told him I would be wearing the same thing. Off on the bus, he went and it seemed like it wasn’t long before he returned. He wouldn’t get off the bus though. He stood there pointing out that I was not in blue pants. The bus driver and the aide both know he wants everyone in blue. I signed to him that he was fine and it was ok. I told him to breathe and he got off the bus.
He watched the bus drive off and as we were going inside he started pulling on my pants. He wanted me to change immediately. I asked him what he was wearing when we got inside and he told me shorts and a yellow shirt. I asked him if he picked it out. He said yes. I told him I picked out what I was wearing and it happened to not be shorts or blue pants. He said, “Blue pants.” I told him that it wasn’t very kind of him to scream at me and pull on my pants when he wasn’t wearing blue pants either. He said, “Sorry Mommy” and I told him thank you. I also told him that when we went out tomorrow we got to choose what we were wearing and we could stay home if he would rather not be seen with me in other clothes. I’m hoping to make other connections for him and maybe that will help him process this.
The rest of the night was quiet because his new tablet came in. He still asked every few minutes about his teacher and what we were doing tomorrow but every time he asked I told him that he would have to put his tablet down so we could discuss it. He was able to refocus and move forward. I pray for strength every day for him to move forward in his actions and reactions. And I pray for my strength too.
Bedtime was something he didn’t want but he was out very quickly. Tomorrow is a busy day. He will have sensory therapy in the morning, possibly see his grandma after that, and then his other therapies later.
I find myself trying to focus on calm for both of us. I pray to help him through these moments. I keep explaining as much as I can about cancer and what we will go through. I pray for connections for him and that I can teach him more life skills every day. He sat on the couch laughing and that is what this momma’s heart needed. Never give up on the hope for tomorrow. Let the bird’s song be music to your ears and find your joy in those moments. Smiles to all and donut daze!
He came to me with his tablet and he started talking about the bear on his screen in all the correct details. My heart soared. He generally tells me the bear has blue eyes when he has black eyes. He goes through each of the sections and always tells me incorrect facts so this felt like incredible progress for me not to have to go back and forth with him on this. I told him how proud I was that he told me exactly what the details were. This is again one of those things I feel might be conversational related or possibly his way of telling a joke of some kind. Are you teasing me we will ask.
He kept repeating his teacher’s name over and over again, wanting me to confirm he was going to school. I asked him about each of his days and what he does. My heart aches for how consumed he gets with all the details of his day. I explained to him that he knew all the details and he had so many other amazing things he could tell me. I asked him to tell me three things he liked about school and he started listing things. I love it when he makes those connections.
I did not put on jeans as he was expecting. Instead, I put on black pants. He told me when he got home I should have blue pants. I told him I would be wearing the same thing. Off on the bus, he went and it seemed like it wasn’t long before he returned. He wouldn’t get off the bus though. He stood there pointing out that I was not in blue pants. The bus driver and the aide both know he wants everyone in blue. I signed to him that he was fine and it was ok. I told him to breathe and he got off the bus.
He watched the bus drive off and as we were going inside he started pulling on my pants. He wanted me to change immediately. I asked him what he was wearing when we got inside and he told me shorts and a yellow shirt. I asked him if he picked it out. He said yes. I told him I picked out what I was wearing and it happened to not be shorts or blue pants. He said, “Blue pants.” I told him that it wasn’t very kind of him to scream at me and pull on my pants when he wasn’t wearing blue pants either. He said, “Sorry Mommy” and I told him thank you. I also told him that when we went out tomorrow we got to choose what we were wearing and we could stay home if he would rather not be seen with me in other clothes. I’m hoping to make other connections for him and maybe that will help him process this.
The rest of the night was quiet because his new tablet came in. He still asked every few minutes about his teacher and what we were doing tomorrow but every time he asked I told him that he would have to put his tablet down so we could discuss it. He was able to refocus and move forward. I pray for strength every day for him to move forward in his actions and reactions. And I pray for my strength too.
Bedtime was something he didn’t want but he was out very quickly. Tomorrow is a busy day. He will have sensory therapy in the morning, possibly see his grandma after that, and then his other therapies later.
I find myself trying to focus on calm for both of us. I pray to help him through these moments. I keep explaining as much as I can about cancer and what we will go through. I pray for connections for him and that I can teach him more life skills every day. He sat on the couch laughing and that is what this momma’s heart needed. Never give up on the hope for tomorrow. Let the bird’s song be music to your ears and find your joy in those moments. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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