I woke up before it was daytime as Owen would describe it. The days feel long and I think about the woulda, coulda, shoulda beens. I pray every day for the hope of tomorrow and what I want to teach Owen. And myself.
I sat in my bed as still as I could, already awake for an hour and I heard him get out of bed. He goes to the bathroom and then I hear him walking back and forth in the living room talking to himself. I love hearing him talk without the anxiousness he displays so many times. I wish I could get him to understand the beauty in these moments. The calm he shows in those times is what I wish I could help him find when nothing seems to be going his way.
It wasn’t long and he came to me. “Tablet tablet,” he said without any form of greeting. I had heard him saying all these beautiful words in the living room but it was too hard for him to go through his words with me. The process is too much for him sometimes but I focus on the fact that he is making those connections and starting to initiate them on his own.
He now will occasionally say “sorry Mommy” when he knows that he has upset me or acting up. He focuses on my actions and reactions and that is what he hones in on. I have to remember it’s a learning curve for him and my actions and reactions are an important part of how he learns. I have to remember though I am still allowed to have my own emotions and feelings about his actions and reactions as much as he has on mine.
He was very excited about going to church but he was also focused on seeing his teacher tomorrow. I went a different way to church. This was not his favorite idea I’ve ever had but thankfully he stayed somewhat calm. We got to church and he couldn’t wait to get to his classroom.
One of the workers in his room had white pants on. Owen had chosen to wear shorts today but he was upset because she had white pants on. I’m still trying to process how to help him through these moments. He wanted her to wet her pants so she would have to change. He also wanted to spit on his fingers so he could then put it on her pants. The overthinking of how to help him process this is always how my wheels are turning. Thankfully she understood but it is moments like these that are hard when we go out to different places and have to explain why he wants to spit on someone.
“Why do today what you can put off and not do again tomorrow” has always been my motto. It feels heavy right now. I’m faced with so many emotions and expectations I haven’t met. I tried to explain to Owen my hair would be changing but he just told me no and screamed. I go for my MRI tomorrow. I wanted to tell him his grandma was going to pick him up from school and take him to therapy but I knew that I needed to wait until morning. If I tried to tell him tonight he might not sleep and it would be hard even in the morning because he then might not want to go to school.
The afternoon went fast. We drove to look at the requested woods and then the burger boy statue he loves. He told me how he wanted a tent and to make s’mores. He asked me at least one hundred times about seeing his teacher tomorrow and that is when I lost count.
Bedtime wasn’t what he wanted but he was asleep quickly and dreaming about his days ahead. I go for my MRI tomorrow and then on to the next steps. I appreciate all the prayers and support everyone is giving me. I’m thankful for Owen’s incredible progress. Let your heart shine bright and make your dreams come true. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I sat in my bed as still as I could, already awake for an hour and I heard him get out of bed. He goes to the bathroom and then I hear him walking back and forth in the living room talking to himself. I love hearing him talk without the anxiousness he displays so many times. I wish I could get him to understand the beauty in these moments. The calm he shows in those times is what I wish I could help him find when nothing seems to be going his way.
It wasn’t long and he came to me. “Tablet tablet,” he said without any form of greeting. I had heard him saying all these beautiful words in the living room but it was too hard for him to go through his words with me. The process is too much for him sometimes but I focus on the fact that he is making those connections and starting to initiate them on his own.
He now will occasionally say “sorry Mommy” when he knows that he has upset me or acting up. He focuses on my actions and reactions and that is what he hones in on. I have to remember it’s a learning curve for him and my actions and reactions are an important part of how he learns. I have to remember though I am still allowed to have my own emotions and feelings about his actions and reactions as much as he has on mine.
He was very excited about going to church but he was also focused on seeing his teacher tomorrow. I went a different way to church. This was not his favorite idea I’ve ever had but thankfully he stayed somewhat calm. We got to church and he couldn’t wait to get to his classroom.
One of the workers in his room had white pants on. Owen had chosen to wear shorts today but he was upset because she had white pants on. I’m still trying to process how to help him through these moments. He wanted her to wet her pants so she would have to change. He also wanted to spit on his fingers so he could then put it on her pants. The overthinking of how to help him process this is always how my wheels are turning. Thankfully she understood but it is moments like these that are hard when we go out to different places and have to explain why he wants to spit on someone.
“Why do today what you can put off and not do again tomorrow” has always been my motto. It feels heavy right now. I’m faced with so many emotions and expectations I haven’t met. I tried to explain to Owen my hair would be changing but he just told me no and screamed. I go for my MRI tomorrow. I wanted to tell him his grandma was going to pick him up from school and take him to therapy but I knew that I needed to wait until morning. If I tried to tell him tonight he might not sleep and it would be hard even in the morning because he then might not want to go to school.
The afternoon went fast. We drove to look at the requested woods and then the burger boy statue he loves. He told me how he wanted a tent and to make s’mores. He asked me at least one hundred times about seeing his teacher tomorrow and that is when I lost count.
Bedtime wasn’t what he wanted but he was asleep quickly and dreaming about his days ahead. I go for my MRI tomorrow and then on to the next steps. I appreciate all the prayers and support everyone is giving me. I’m thankful for Owen’s incredible progress. Let your heart shine bright and make your dreams come true. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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