“Starting windows”, Owen said. He absolutely loves the computer. He wants to start it over and over to watch the screens as they come alive. I haven’t quite figured out how to get him to open the apps though. He has it all figured out on his tablet, but for some reason on the laptop, it feels different to him. I’m waiting for him to figure out coding. It seems like something that would be very easy for him the way he remembers things and his brain processes details. Meanwhile, I want to hang the gone fishing sign out. One of the hardest parts is to not be able to explain what is happening at this time to Owen. His world has completely been turned upside down, but I can’t tell him why. It’s hard for me to understand, but I can only imagine what he is going through. My own emotions well up inside me and then to have him sad makes the waterfall of tears sit ready to tumble out at any moment. But crying only makes it harder on him. I never imagined how hard it would be for my child to not understand what’s going on in the world. He has rules, routine, and his own agenda that govern his days and then to have it all turned upside in the blink of an eye. I normally try to prepare him when he has breaks from school or when something is going to be different, but how do I begin to explain this. His own tears echoed my emotions for the night. I held him as much as he would let me. I watched his body flip flop on the bed like a fish out of water as he worked through all of his emotions. When he cries it truly tells me how much he is hurting and confused. And of course, my worry is that he’s possibly sick. He wasn’t running a fever, but I still questioned how he was feeling. I repeatedly asked him why he was crying, in many different ways, knowing there would be no answer, but I still had to try. Next, I distracted him instead, maybe distracting me as well. I let him take my phone, which I never do, and he found the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He started laughing at one of the episodes and the tears dried up. Over an hour later he was asleep. Tomorrow I wish for peace for my baby boy, peace for my own heart, and peace in the world. Be the change in the world you want to see. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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