Some days feel so paralyzing, wanting to walk out our door for fun but knowing and not knowing what will happen. Owen didn’t sleep all night but once he came to me he fell back asleep quickly. I thought about taking him someplace today but I didn’t want to be yelled at for going the wrong way or not seeing the windows. And it could have been the opposite as well. Some days feel very overwhelming, wanting things to go smoothly so I choose to avoid situations that might cause meltdowns. We had a good day, a very busy day but he remained calm for most of it with only a few moments of him questioning when he was going to see his teacher and friends again. He keeps telling me he will see them again in August but he doesn’t truly understand that concept. I wish I knew for sure at which school he would be attending for summer session. I like to prepare him and show him where he’ll be going and what he will be doing but I won’t know until one day this week. I keep telling him he will be going to summer school though. He knows what it is and has gone every year but last year. Everything feels so different from before. His words are both brilliant and bewildering at the same time. He comes up with stories and imagery that I’m still amazed at. Then add in all the languages and it brings a smile to my face. “Hickory dickory donkey in Russian”, he said to Siri, laughing hysterically as she said it. I honestly didn’t realize how many words he is teaching me by saying phrases over and over again until I heard someone speaking in Chinese and I was like they said “I want”. From there I had no clue what they wanted but I was still amazed. He started telling me a sleepy story before bed. It was about “penguins playing with pandas in the snow with snowmen in the sun but not in snow”, he said. I was quickly jotting everything down as he was saying it, hoping we could talk more about it tomorrow. I kept him up a little later tonight, hoping maybe it would let him sleep all night. We made the cookies he told me earlier that I didn’t need. “No cookies today”, he said, being the voice of reason but cookies won out. The diet starts after these are gone. He helped me make our lunch of egg salad as well. I’m trying to get him more involved in our meals so that he understands the process, plus he loves cooking shows and cracking eggs. We got ready for bed and he told me “no sleeping today”. The fake snoring was interrupted by him telling me “the past tense of yawn is yawnt” spelling out the letters. I’m not sure when he learned about past tense and how he came up with “yawnt” but hey he’s spelling. The fake snoring quickly turned into real cooing and he was out. Praying for another night of peaceful sleep for my sweet baby O. Our life isn’t always easy to explain but the love sure is. He’s my heart and he keeps giving joy to my soul. Be bold, be beautiful, be you. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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