It’s hard enough when Owen can’t process something but it’s even harder when I can’t process that he can’t process something. My heart aches, it wants to cry, it wants to scream, and I want to melt into the floor. Owen says the right words and then here he is going to the bathroom in the tub one more time. I’m trying to block it out of my mind like all the screaming he did at me because I went exactly the way he wanted me to go. Showing emotions only gets his emotions stirred up and ready to go. I need to read a book titled How To Remain Calm No Matter How Much You Want To Crumble Into The Floor. I have to say though Owen had an excellent day. He woke in the middle of the night and came to me but quickly fell back asleep and even slept late. He went to the bathroom, he put on his glasses, and listened to instructions when I was ready to get him dressed. When he came home from school he was calm, when we went to our therapy he was calm, when we came home he was calm until those few moments he has to repeat the same behaviors even when he is getting to do what he wants. There’s a solution, there’s a way to do this but I’m at a loss. Following through one way for days on end did not change the behavior, changing it up only creates more chaos, and avoiding it altogether is extremely difficult when you only have so many options to get to your house. Back to the drawing board. When we walked into the house he was still going through all his emotions but it was like he crossed the threshold of the door and in life and he was happy as a lark once again. There’s more to this and I think it starts with him learning and feeling my emotions. Bedtime couldn’t come soon enough for me and fortunately, he fell asleep without much fanfare. I could tell he had a lot on his mind and I know that as he grows older he is also learning body awareness and that can change everything we deal with. I held him as he fell asleep and I made sure he heard me say, “ I love you”. He’s growing and so am I. Our life is not always easy to explain but the love sure is. Never give up on the hope for tomorrow. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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