I woke up numerous times last night but thankfully Owen slept and let me know it. He was in a great mood because this meant he was going to “church church church” today. He requested his breakfast choices and started asking me when we were leaving. I told him it would be several hours. That wasn’t quick enough.
I took my hot tea and a banana and went to sit down. He followed me and was standing there waiting for me to eat my banana so I would throw the peel away. I told him I wasn’t going to eat it right away but he didn’t want to miss me eating it. The banana is one of those rollercoaster things in our lives. It has caused him so many meltdowns over the years and it took a team of people to help work through it with him. Now I get them constantly so we don’t backtrack with them but they still cause lots of emotions.
It’s been three years since I lost my brother around Thanksgiving but I still feel all the emotions around Christmas too. I wait to hear his laugh or see his smile. When your life changes around a holiday it changes you. I felt these emotions a lot when we were at our church service. The tears ran down my face sitting there thinking about all the moments I have missed with him and how many Owen has missed. All I can do is hang on to the memories and know that I am thankful for those moments we shared.
The blue saga hit him hard again today. I wish I had answers but it only leads me to more questions. His expectations were for all his people to be in the clothes he wanted them to wear but he becomes upset and emotional when they are not. I try to prepare him but he still hasn’t made the connection. I hate keeping him home but it’s days like this that make me question if I should. He told me he was sorry on the way home. I want him to understand that I get it upsets him but he also has to let people choose what they want to wear and learn to adapt to that. I pray it gets easier for him.
On the way home from church he told me that Santa is coming tonight but he won’t stay because he has work to do. I thought that was amazing and my heart was so full he made this connection. It felt like a huge victory in our Christmas season.
He was so excited that they finally replaced the broken stoplight. It has been hanging there for years like this and they finally replaced them all. It is something that he will still talk about and tell me how it has changed every time we go by it but to see his happiness over it was exciting.
Our night went quickly and he was very happy that tomorrow he will get to see his grandma. He was also excited that he would go back to school on the “sixththe.” Food, bath, and bed were the talk of the night. He wanted to go to sleep in my bed and me in his bed. I don’t know how my bed has become where he wants to be but I have to convince him it’s mine.
Tomorrow is Christmas and not so long ago he didn’t want to even look at a tree. Now my sweet baby O knows the reason for the season and why Santa comes as well. I pray each year for growth and I can see how far he has come. Here’s to a great Christmas and I have a lot to be thankful for and celebrate. It feels great to be cancer-free. Remember you are not alone in this thing called life. Your story is important and you are too. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I took my hot tea and a banana and went to sit down. He followed me and was standing there waiting for me to eat my banana so I would throw the peel away. I told him I wasn’t going to eat it right away but he didn’t want to miss me eating it. The banana is one of those rollercoaster things in our lives. It has caused him so many meltdowns over the years and it took a team of people to help work through it with him. Now I get them constantly so we don’t backtrack with them but they still cause lots of emotions.
It’s been three years since I lost my brother around Thanksgiving but I still feel all the emotions around Christmas too. I wait to hear his laugh or see his smile. When your life changes around a holiday it changes you. I felt these emotions a lot when we were at our church service. The tears ran down my face sitting there thinking about all the moments I have missed with him and how many Owen has missed. All I can do is hang on to the memories and know that I am thankful for those moments we shared.
The blue saga hit him hard again today. I wish I had answers but it only leads me to more questions. His expectations were for all his people to be in the clothes he wanted them to wear but he becomes upset and emotional when they are not. I try to prepare him but he still hasn’t made the connection. I hate keeping him home but it’s days like this that make me question if I should. He told me he was sorry on the way home. I want him to understand that I get it upsets him but he also has to let people choose what they want to wear and learn to adapt to that. I pray it gets easier for him.
On the way home from church he told me that Santa is coming tonight but he won’t stay because he has work to do. I thought that was amazing and my heart was so full he made this connection. It felt like a huge victory in our Christmas season.
He was so excited that they finally replaced the broken stoplight. It has been hanging there for years like this and they finally replaced them all. It is something that he will still talk about and tell me how it has changed every time we go by it but to see his happiness over it was exciting.
Our night went quickly and he was very happy that tomorrow he will get to see his grandma. He was also excited that he would go back to school on the “sixththe.” Food, bath, and bed were the talk of the night. He wanted to go to sleep in my bed and me in his bed. I don’t know how my bed has become where he wants to be but I have to convince him it’s mine.
Tomorrow is Christmas and not so long ago he didn’t want to even look at a tree. Now my sweet baby O knows the reason for the season and why Santa comes as well. I pray each year for growth and I can see how far he has come. Here’s to a great Christmas and I have a lot to be thankful for and celebrate. It feels great to be cancer-free. Remember you are not alone in this thing called life. Your story is important and you are too. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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