He was ready to get to church and wanted to make sure he was taking his tablet. But his intense real focus was needed to confirm every few seconds if he was going to grandma’s house tomorrow. My heart aches for these moments that he can’t let go. Not answering him causes him even more anxiety and answering him causes him to ask different questions relating to the same thing. And the cycle never ends even if he is distracted or redirected. Plus, it’s exhausting trying to figure out how to do all the things that don’t work and being screamed at all day with questions about the exact same thing.
He asks the question in a way that it can be sometimes wrong as well. He will say he isn’t doing something so I have to correct him but if I agree with his wrong statement or continue to answer in another way that elevates him into a whole other ballgame. Every doctor, therapist, and advisor says the same thing so we go to one more. And one more after that. One day I know someone will figure it out or we will stumble on the right combination of something to help him move forward.
On the way to church, I talked to him about directions what north, south, east, and west meant. I asked him if he knew where different cities were. He said he wanted to move to the farm and have zoo animals. He told me he wanted an elephant, T Rex, and a little pig. He then told me he wanted a yoga studio with a big mat at his blue house. He also wants a tall building but I’m not quite sure why.
He did great at church but I couldn’t convince him to go anywhere afterwards. When we came home he continued his almost chant-like request of wanting to know if he was going to see his grandma tomorrow. I am not sure how many times I can confirm and ignore this question without having to answer it or deal with it. I don’t even know how to handle it sometimes. My heart breaks how upset he gets about it all. My mom even messaged him reminding him that she would see him tomorrow since he didn’t want to talk to her on the phone.
My heart aches on days like this where no matter how many times I distract him without answering him he will not rest. I am praying that yoga will help ease his mind and help him center his thoughts. His physical therapist has introduced him to several yoga moves and even showed me one today.
I know he is getting anxious about school being out so I’m praying for a calm week ahead. I’m thankful for his laughter and the songs he sung for me today. Let yesterday’s story inspires tomorrow’s success. Be the change you want in the world. Smiles to all and donut daze!