There are days when I try not to focus on my emotions and instead focus on only the good stuff. I very much tried to do that today. Thirteen is going to be a time for growth for Owen. I see it, I feel it, and I know it. But the emotions for both of us are strong. He is learning how to deal with his emotions and I am learning how to deal with how his emotions affect me. Today I loved with all my heart to get through the moments of sadness and grief that came at me from everywhere for every reason. And we woke up early once again.
Having my beautiful amazing son has changed me. I thought I was a compassionate person before I had Owen. I thought I knew what kindness meant through all of my own experiences of being different in a world that says it is okay to be you but still wants to put a box around us. But having my sweet baby O has taught me that we have to be more understanding of what people are going through.
I never imagined I would ever have to say my son is having a meltdown because someone is eating a banana, parking in front of my house, wearing blue pants, opening a door, or crossing their legs, and the list goes on. These moments have changed my life. I have nerves of spaghetti most of the time waiting for all the shoes to drop while trying to figure out how to help my son cope with things beyond his control.
Today the wake-up call was before five o’clock but I didn’t sleep much last night from dealing with my emotions from the day. I look at yesteryear and I see the progress, I know the tomorrows of our future will be amazing, but I still sit praying for calm. It’s hard watching a piece of my heart struggle because of a world that can’t conform to everything he needs. He adapts, he moves forward, he repeats, and sometimes he regresses on things that may be sitting on a shelf to use later but it is hard when he struggles to do something he knew how to do a few days before.
He wanted to make sure I was happy but started talking about his grandma’s clothes and hair. He moved on to saying he wanted to make his therapists happy. I could tell he was thinking through everything. I asked him what he should do on Monday and he said, “Do your best.”
He wanted to talk about eyeballs and “pull a tooth dult teeth no pull dult teeth need dult teeth.” He hasn’t quite figured out that it is “adult” and not “a dult.” He ate all of his breakfast and lunch and wanted tons of snacks. He was not letting me out of his sight for more than a minute or two so I was just going with the flow.
He started yelling at me a bit ago because he wanted me to find something on YouTube and it wasn’t pulling up. He yelled, “type it in.” I told him that if he yelled at me for helping him I would not continue to help him. I told him I typed in exactly what the video title was and if he wanted me to do anything else he had to show me the video again so I could see who posted it. He said, “Sorry Mommy you help me” and showed me the video. So much progress has been made.
I said to Owen I hope we sleep tonight. He said, “Go to grandma’s” and I told him that if he doesn’t sleep tonight we are not going anywhere. Off and on all day long I could tell he was thinking about yesterday. I pray it has made an impact on him and he will be calmer in his therapies this coming week. Each day I pray for a victory for my sweet baby O. I think today he made a lot of them. Find the better in the tomorrows ahead because the todays can sour your soul if you let it. Smiles to all and donut daze!
Having my beautiful amazing son has changed me. I thought I was a compassionate person before I had Owen. I thought I knew what kindness meant through all of my own experiences of being different in a world that says it is okay to be you but still wants to put a box around us. But having my sweet baby O has taught me that we have to be more understanding of what people are going through.
I never imagined I would ever have to say my son is having a meltdown because someone is eating a banana, parking in front of my house, wearing blue pants, opening a door, or crossing their legs, and the list goes on. These moments have changed my life. I have nerves of spaghetti most of the time waiting for all the shoes to drop while trying to figure out how to help my son cope with things beyond his control.
Today the wake-up call was before five o’clock but I didn’t sleep much last night from dealing with my emotions from the day. I look at yesteryear and I see the progress, I know the tomorrows of our future will be amazing, but I still sit praying for calm. It’s hard watching a piece of my heart struggle because of a world that can’t conform to everything he needs. He adapts, he moves forward, he repeats, and sometimes he regresses on things that may be sitting on a shelf to use later but it is hard when he struggles to do something he knew how to do a few days before.
He wanted to make sure I was happy but started talking about his grandma’s clothes and hair. He moved on to saying he wanted to make his therapists happy. I could tell he was thinking through everything. I asked him what he should do on Monday and he said, “Do your best.”
He wanted to talk about eyeballs and “pull a tooth dult teeth no pull dult teeth need dult teeth.” He hasn’t quite figured out that it is “adult” and not “a dult.” He ate all of his breakfast and lunch and wanted tons of snacks. He was not letting me out of his sight for more than a minute or two so I was just going with the flow.
He started yelling at me a bit ago because he wanted me to find something on YouTube and it wasn’t pulling up. He yelled, “type it in.” I told him that if he yelled at me for helping him I would not continue to help him. I told him I typed in exactly what the video title was and if he wanted me to do anything else he had to show me the video again so I could see who posted it. He said, “Sorry Mommy you help me” and showed me the video. So much progress has been made.
I said to Owen I hope we sleep tonight. He said, “Go to grandma’s” and I told him that if he doesn’t sleep tonight we are not going anywhere. Off and on all day long I could tell he was thinking about yesterday. I pray it has made an impact on him and he will be calmer in his therapies this coming week. Each day I pray for a victory for my sweet baby O. I think today he made a lot of them. Find the better in the tomorrows ahead because the todays can sour your soul if you let it. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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