I stared into my little boy's eyes yesterday wondering what he was thinking. I ask him questions all the time, searching for answers I know he can’t quite respond to yet, but I know it will all come together for him. In the last few days, he has been filled with anxiety and been on edge. I’m not sure if it’s the weather or something entirely different. Owen requested to be tickled a lot yesterday. I hold him on my lap, pulling his legs up towards his chest, and I will say to him “I’m going to tickle you”. Very few times do I actually tickle him, but he pushes his way in and out of my arms stretching and working his muscles. I feel like it is more of a therapy for him than anything. He laughs the whole time, but I still think he likes the input he is getting from the movements. He went through a stage where as soon as I would act like I was getting up from the couch, walk into another room, or go to the bathroom he would scream, tell me to sit, or follow me. He hadn’t done it consistently in a while. But this weekend he started doing all of it again. His anxiety seems very high. He walked up to one of the cabinets numerous times, kicking it. Attention getter or anxiety is what I have to go back and forth between. Before I can even remind him that we don’t kick or hit he will say the words, “we don’t kick”. He hasn’t wanted to play in any of his sensory bins in a long time or jump on his trampoline. Both were in full action this weekend. I’m getting him more beans for one of his bins. The cut-up pool noodles are so much easier to keep in the big totes we use, but he thoroughly enjoys the sensory input he gets from the dry beans we use. He loves sitting in the bin completely surrounded by the beans. He will pick them up by the handfuls, dropping them on his feet and legs. I’m trying to find breathing techniques that he can comprehend and use to help him through these moments of anxiety and restlessness. I remind myself to be patient with both of us. He doesn’t understand as much as I don’t understand what he is going through. All I can do is hold my baby tighter, pray for him to continue to thrive, and be kind to myself through the moments I feel like we are drowning. Life happens when you have something else planned. Find your strength and keep pushing forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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