I heard Owen’s robots at about six in the morning. I thought I’ll take it, six o’clock works for me. I’m often faced with the questions of what he understands and what he doesn’t. Sometimes I think he understands the terminology but he doesn’t understand that he is supposed to respond to my questions or he doesn’t understand how to respond to my questions. I have always had two-sided conversations with him, giving him both the question and the response. I was fixing breakfast and he said, “sit right here” wanting me to watch the video he had on the tv with him. It was a cartoon alarm clock and he was talking about all the features it had and I started asking him if he knew what his eyes, ears, mouth, and nose do. I explained each to him and he said, “how do you say six o’clock in Arabic?” He then got all his robots going and asked me once again to get them in numerous languages. Any amount of clutter that isn’t in the normal clutter spot causes it to be hard on Owen yet we have clutter everywhere. Currently, there are four robots, a talking Mickey Mouse, a talking Elmo, a toy microwave, and various other such toys on our couch but as soon as I put a box on my bed it caused a huge meltdown. He was so upset, yelling, “no box today.” I moved the box to the table in my room and he was fine. He ran off to play. He is constantly running to make sure I’m doing an approved task. If it is not something he can handle he screams. Some days it’s constant, some days he doesn’t care what I’m doing because most likely I’m sitting. The emotions are jarring. This is my sweet baby O. I feel the progress and I feel the overwhelming sensation of being overwhelmed by both of us. He can’t handle too many distractions unless they are the distractions he needs. He’s not trying to necessarily control me but control what he can handle. The fine line I walk through is knowing whether I’m reading the situation right and what I push so that we both can grow and learn from it all. “Sleep tight,” he said, turning off my light in the middle of the day. The lights still continue to be a problem for him. I breathe. He had his therapy today and he seemed to be a little tired but he did fine they said. All day he brought up not wanting to go to the pool. He was the one that kept bringing it up. When we got home he said again he wasn’t going to the pool and I said he didn’t have to but I was going to see what he would say. These were the wrong words. He wanted me to sit and he sat with me. He kept repeating “Friday be with mommy.” This is where everything is hard for me to figure out. He saw the pool the other day and immediately wanted to go in it but we had an appointment. I told him we could go another day but since then he is very adamant about the fact he doesn’t want to go. I will see what happens tomorrow. One day at a time. I didn’t mention any more adventures for us and he had a great night even though he mentioned every few minutes he was not going to the pool. He listened to me when I said it was bedtime and was out within minutes. I hope that we can go to the pool tomorrow if the rain stays away and he decides he wants to go but I’m not pushing it. I overthink and still don’t have all the answers so I pray more. I’m thankful for all the words he said, the songs he sang, and the hugs he gave me. The littlest of steps can lead to the biggest of victories. Be proud of any step forward. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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