I didn’t sleep again last night but that seems to be the trend for the week after my chemo infusion. I cycle in and out of good days and days that I truly miss food. I love food and right now it’s the hardest part of all of this so I eat what I can when I can eat.
I let Owen sleep until we needed to get ready. This is always a hard decision for me. I love that he sleeps but it can make the day harder for him when he doesn’t have time to get his day started the way he needs and wants to. Also when he doesn’t sleep late things like lights and sounds can agitate him more. I should have started making noise earlier but the queen of overthinking took over and let him sleep. He did pretty well but he was also upset because I had turned the lights on. I explained that if he wanted to go to school we had to get ready. He turned the lights off and came to me to get dressed. I asked him to turn the lights back on and thankfully he did. After he got dressed I let him play for a bit before we had to go wait for the bus.
His focus was the lights, summer school, if he was riding the bus home on Tuesday, what days of the week he would see his teacher, and if he was going to see his grandma tomorrow. He went through each of those many times and then we went out to the bus. Before he can get on the bus every day he asks about a future day and if he will ride the bus home, summer school is next, and then he finally gets on the bus.
When he came home from school the bus came a different way to drop him off. I knew as soon as I saw the way they were coming I would have to calm him down immediately after he got off the bus. Every turn they make is calculated in his brain and his expectations are exactly what he wants. Thankfully all his bus people know this and completely understand how hard it is for him. He watched the bus drive away and then he started talking about if the bus went straight. Before we went inside we did several breathing exercises and then headed in. He talked about it for a while longer and we continued to work through his exercises. It’s exhausting. My heart hurts for him knowing that he can’t let go of a moment. My mind tries to stay ahead of all of this because I know if he doesn’t stay calm it can be a night full of screams, tears from both of us, and his repetitive behaviors increase. I breathe.
He moved on to his next concerns. He wanted to make sure that his Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and riding the bus home on Tuesday were all going to happen. Again I breathe knowing that I have to remind him he knows all of these answers and he has a brilliant mind. Once he is elevated on a day it just keeps spiraling upward and we have to keep working on being calm.
Thankfully as the night wore on he was calmer but he still was very focused on all his days ahead. He was also very hungry and ate a ton of food all night long. I love that he is a good eater though. Nighttime came and he went through all his concerns a few more times but it didn’t take long for him to fall asleep. I pray he sleeps well and I pray for a better night for me too.
Autism is as much about how I handle it as it is about Owen having it. I was thankful for the calm moments today and the giggles that echoed throughout the house. Those are my favorite moments. Laugh and let the world laugh with you. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I let Owen sleep until we needed to get ready. This is always a hard decision for me. I love that he sleeps but it can make the day harder for him when he doesn’t have time to get his day started the way he needs and wants to. Also when he doesn’t sleep late things like lights and sounds can agitate him more. I should have started making noise earlier but the queen of overthinking took over and let him sleep. He did pretty well but he was also upset because I had turned the lights on. I explained that if he wanted to go to school we had to get ready. He turned the lights off and came to me to get dressed. I asked him to turn the lights back on and thankfully he did. After he got dressed I let him play for a bit before we had to go wait for the bus.
His focus was the lights, summer school, if he was riding the bus home on Tuesday, what days of the week he would see his teacher, and if he was going to see his grandma tomorrow. He went through each of those many times and then we went out to the bus. Before he can get on the bus every day he asks about a future day and if he will ride the bus home, summer school is next, and then he finally gets on the bus.
When he came home from school the bus came a different way to drop him off. I knew as soon as I saw the way they were coming I would have to calm him down immediately after he got off the bus. Every turn they make is calculated in his brain and his expectations are exactly what he wants. Thankfully all his bus people know this and completely understand how hard it is for him. He watched the bus drive away and then he started talking about if the bus went straight. Before we went inside we did several breathing exercises and then headed in. He talked about it for a while longer and we continued to work through his exercises. It’s exhausting. My heart hurts for him knowing that he can’t let go of a moment. My mind tries to stay ahead of all of this because I know if he doesn’t stay calm it can be a night full of screams, tears from both of us, and his repetitive behaviors increase. I breathe.
He moved on to his next concerns. He wanted to make sure that his Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and riding the bus home on Tuesday were all going to happen. Again I breathe knowing that I have to remind him he knows all of these answers and he has a brilliant mind. Once he is elevated on a day it just keeps spiraling upward and we have to keep working on being calm.
Thankfully as the night wore on he was calmer but he still was very focused on all his days ahead. He was also very hungry and ate a ton of food all night long. I love that he is a good eater though. Nighttime came and he went through all his concerns a few more times but it didn’t take long for him to fall asleep. I pray he sleeps well and I pray for a better night for me too.
Autism is as much about how I handle it as it is about Owen having it. I was thankful for the calm moments today and the giggles that echoed throughout the house. Those are my favorite moments. Laugh and let the world laugh with you. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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