All day I’ve tried to stay ahead of my own emotions. It’s August. My brother was born in August. And I tried not to cry as his birthday inches closer. I woke a couple of times thinking I heard Owen but the house was only making house noises. It was after six but my bladder won. I couldn’t wait any longer. I heard him go past the bathroom, past his tablet, and right to the couch. I went to him and he wanted me to cover him with the blanket and then he wanted lots of hugs. It made me smile. He felt calm after the last couple of days. He started pushing the buttons on his robots and was singing the alphabet. Then he started requesting a robot in Russian. He went on to ask for several more languages. As the morning progressed he asked me to find videos for him and was listening to them. He asked me to order several robots in all the languages and he told me to order new ones in the box. I tried to explain I can’t find all the languages. I’m working on finding other toys that speak in more languages though. It amazes me how much he comprehends in numerous languages. I asked him to say something in Japanese and he quickly said something. It sounded half made up but he laughed as soon as he said it. He either didn’t say anything and was laughing about that or that he knew I wouldn’t know. He asked about the elevators and I told him we would go but we weren’t wearing blue pants and we weren’t talking about them. I had to remind him multiple times we were going home if he didn’t stop talking about blue pants but I didn’t make him leave. I can only imagine what he goes through thinking about blue pants all the time and then trying to control his words and emotions on top of that. This has been going on for close to a year now it seems. I’m exhausted. He talks about clothing all through the day. If it’s not about blue pants it’s about what I should be wearing when we are home or what we will wear tomorrow. I pray that the specialist we see in September can shed some light on this. There are so many people helping us to figure out ways to get him past this. Add in the fact that he never forgets a thing and he’s brilliant makes it even harder to help distract him or move him forward. We had a few errands to run but they could all be done with us staying in the car. This he was happy about. I can tell he is learning that he needs to say yes and no when he means it. This is also not an easy task for him because he doesn’t always assign a value or expression to the words “yes” or “no.” It’s part of the reason it can get complicated for him to answer something for me. No means no, no means yes, yes means no, and yes means yes unless it means I don’t know. And this is for everything. When we got home for the day he was calm. He told me numerous times he was not going to the “swimming pool” and I told him we could go on Friday. He told me once again “no pool on Friday” but then I heard him looking up videos of “boy going to the pool in July.” I think he added July because he is not ready for it to be August since he isn’t seeing his teacher yet. When he got in bed I could hear in the distance a faint sound of beeping and cars honking. He squealed, “hear it” and I think if he wouldn’t have been exhausted the noise would have sent him into a meltdown. Every noise is a noise. I held him in my arms and he fell asleep. He made me smile throughout the day and his laughter was my biggest gift. I’m thankful and praying for a great day tomorrow. Yesterday is written in stone but use it as the stepping stone to your future and never let it hold you back. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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