“Get some more church”, Owen said. I told him don’t worry the Lord will get us there tomorrow. He has been so anxious about his routine and everything that is not happening right now. Oh, how I wish I could explain to him why screaming is not a good idea and doesn’t help his objective at all. Between his screaming, asking about his teachers, and his lack of sleep it is all putting us in circles. Then add in those emotions he is carrying are completely throwing off his bathroom behavior. And I don’t even want to think about “no potty today” when how many times can you change your clothes comes into play. I’m trying to breathe through all of his moments. Today was bowling day, our highlight. He did really well. There were only a few moments when I thought he was going to scream until the sun shined but he pulled it together. He threw the ball on his own a couple of times. He likes it better when I throw it with him because generally, we get more pins down. Everything seems difficult and emotional to both of us right now. There are so many things I have been putting off and why do them today when I can put off doing them tomorrow as well. The emotions sit so heavy with everything. His screaming gets to me. I want it to be easier for him and it always makes me think when someone will tell me this gets easier with age. I think no it just gets different. There is nothing, absolutely nothing easy about seeing my child emotional and screaming about seeing a window or not getting to go the direction he wants to while he’s in the car. I prayed a little louder today. Maybe Owen’s screaming gave me the idea. I asked God for guidance and to hear my roar. It never seems like I pray that traditional prayer with an amen at the end. But I know God still hears my cries. I pray for strength and understanding for both of us. And to make my son keep shining and growing. I told Owen today that all things were possible if he believed. As sad as I was I could see him trying to find ways to show me his love. I always remind myself and him that through our struggles we are a team. We may be sad, emotional, or drained but we have to find a way to push past it and grow. He fell asleep late once again and all I could do was think August can’t come soon enough for his school to get our routine back in order. Keep pushing forward. Find something to celebrate every day and know that you can make a difference. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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