Shook Me Sunday

And then I cried. Remember cafeterias; I do. But I remember more what they meant to me; family. I remember, after Sunday church service, going with my family to eat at the local cafeteria, or other family style restaurants. We always saw other family, or friends there. That seemed to be the thing back in the day. Today, as we left church, I asked Owen if he wanted to go to lunch with me. I started crying. Not a little bit of crying, a river, a complete river of tears. I didn’t stop. The tears are still sitting right on the rims of my eyes, waiting to crest, and flow over. I was having my own personal pan pity party. I didn’t wait for him to answer, hours later he never replied. Instead of an answer to my question, Owen told me what he wanted to do, but it wasn’t something I could give him. He wanted his teacher. I told him he would see her tomorrow. In the grand scheme of things this week has gone well. He’s had a few rough days, but overall spring break was fine. He looks like he has grown this week. Now my thoughts run to summer. I think he will go to summer school again, but from there I’m not sure. Trying to find a daycare that will accommodate a child with autism is harder than you think. Most never return your call, or say they are full. I have to not think about it, adds to the tears, but I have to think about it, because it will be summer soon. He’s happy today, for this I am thankful. In the car, as I was crying my river, Owen had been screaming, but the more I cried, the more he tried to get me to stop, in his way. But I couldn’t stop crying. I miss those Sunday traditions with my family. I miss having those moments of comfort, and not to mention it’s Easter. Owen, and I talked about Easter on the way to church. He even brought up the Easter bunny, that we saw at Cabela’s; he wouldn’t sit with the Easter bunny, but he talked to him. I told him the Easter bunny was gone today, and he said, “he’s at de North Pole”. Everything goes to the North Pole these days. Honestly, I’m glad he has found comfort in having a location for things that he can’t see anymore. Today I’m emotional, tomorrow I’ll be stronger. We painted, we laughed, we ate, we counted to ten -a million times, and we smiled. Life is full of challenges, but know that today is a moment in time. Tomorrow is a brand new day. Find your strength, and carry on. Smiles to all and donut daze!