I’m stronger than the crumble around me; that’s what I keep telling myself, the crumble I created. The morning has been rough. Probably rougher than rough, down right tough. There are some days Owen can’t process what he is supposed to do, with what he wants to do, and what should be happening. It all blends together. And there are some days I want calm. Those are the days he usually screams the most. We needed to get ready, Owen wanted to do everything but get ready, even though he wanted to go. The more I tried to get us ready, the more he frazzled me; screaming, jumping off of things, and knocking stuff down. He laughed, and any emotion I showed was met with an attention getting scream. How do you discipline when the discipline is meet with resistance, laughter, and also comes back at you with more adverse behaviors. Owen’s independence is growing, and with that comes new behavioral issues that we will have to work through. This is as much about how I handle Owen having autism, as it is about Owen having it. We are currently sitting in the dark, because Owen wants to run over to me, and ask me if he can “turn de wight onT”. He had been running to his room, sitting on the edge of his bed, when I stopped him from doing that, he turned to light duty. His bed is off the ground, with storage underneath. I thought it would be a great idea, because it has an edge all the way around it, and it would be hard for him to fall out of it, but instead he likes to sit on the edge, trying to hang on, and fall off, all at the same time. He doesn’t understand danger, and every day I try to find ways to keep him safe. I know that I have to stay strong for my son. Every step I took today felt like the ground was firm, and my knees were weak, but I know that I must keep pushing forward. We’ve played a lot today, hoping that it would conquer some of his mischievous doings, and calm my soul. I remind Owen that we are a team, and we have to work together. Believe in yourself, and the rest will follow. Some days feel hard, but know that you are a lot stronger than you think. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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