“Shwrimp”, that’s what’s for dinner. It was a request before we even got home. He’s eating dinner, spelling words on his tablet, and interacting with me. He seems calmer, and happier tonight; that makes me calmer, and happier tonight, too. We are back, and forth on the potty train. Forward progress is met quickly with what seems like backwards progress, but here we are again, with him at least acknowledging that he needs to go potty, even if it is after the fact. I have to just breathe. I never imagined that at age seven my child would still be in diapers. I was going to be that mom that had him out of diapers before he could even tie his shoes; well, that maybe true, too. I had to let expectations go, and embrace the here, and now. The little victories truly are what I cling to, and keep me moving forward. It’s very easy to get into the pattern of focusing on the woulda, coulda, shoulda beens, but that’s not where I need my energy to go. His bright eyes are even brighter tonight, maybe hiding a little mischief behind them. My emotions have been really heavy for the last couple weeks. Some days it seems hard to put one foot in front of the other, other days I’m floating through the moments, wanting to scream, cry, and pitch a big, huge fit. I have to remind myself to have patience; like I remind Owen. I’m teaching him to count to ten when he is upset, or angry. Sometimes we have to count to twenty, or even one hundred; I know I’ve counted to one thousand before. His words are helping, and with age will come more changes; I want to say maturity, but his delay makes me wonder when that will happen. This is where I breathe to take away the sadness; a quick sip of my hot tea to keep my emotions at bay. He screams to remind me he can do it. I try not to flinch, or show any signs of acknowledgement. He already knows it flusters me though. “Stop screaming why ya screaming ewe ok Owen Owen ewe ok”, he says; as I hear my words from so many occasions rushing back at me. Today, I focus on our future, what we both can work on next, and how we can grow together. Let go of yesterday, and find happiness in what’s yet to come; the possibilities are endless. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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