Where do you grow from here, that’s the question I ask myself a lot. How do I help Owen keep growing, how do I stay motivated to grow, how do I take the last few months and make something that has been so hard into something that is life-changing for us both. One day at a time, that’s how. After our very hard night, we had a relatively blissful day. Owen made me laugh a lot, he also made me sad even though I don’t want to think about it. He has a hard time responding to me when I ask him questions. I try to ask him ones he will know the answer to or something I know he will like, but he still doesn’t always respond. When he can’t answer me or ignores me I try to decide if it is an eight-year-old behavior, if it’s because he can’t process it, or if it’s Owen being Owen. And it could be a combination of all of them. Sometimes he will put his hands over his ears when I start talking to him. This is one of those moments when I can tell he is really concentrating on what he is doing and no matter what I say or do it will take him time to answer me. My emotions sit heavy sometimes waiting for a response that might not come. A wave of loneliness washes over me. My son is right in front of me, but isn’t always connecting to me or realizing I need him to respond. I get it, I understand that he can’t, but it’s still emotional. Two hours into the bedtime process and there was no end in sight. Every time I thought he was asleep he would start screaming about getting ready. All I can do is breathe some days, remember the laughter that made me smile, and thank God for the progress we have made. Find your inspiration, smile even if your heart is braking, and know that tomorrow you can make your dreams come true. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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