Owen woke a little early but I told him to go back to bed and he did. He got his tablet after five and I slept a little bit longer. He went through every step I was doing and wanted to make sure that I didn’t forget anything. He was still upset about Saturday and every other time that something was forgotten or changed.
He was a mix of calm and anxiousness that exploded as the morning went on. He wanted to know what was happening today over and over again because he was riding the bus home since he didn’t have music therapy. He thought that his therapist had to take Labor Day off again and wanted to make sure no one else did. He also thought his vision doctor was going to cancel on him because of this so he was very concerned about everything. It is interesting how his brain thinks and it takes twenty steps forward on each change in his routine.
“Pay attention,” he yelled at me one more time. He holds on to every word he has ever heard for every reason. I was taking the trash bag out of the trash can and some of it fell onto the floor. I tried to explain to him that things like this happen constantly. But these are all things that make him so anxious. From there every single thing that happened caused him to get upset and be more concerned about his day. I told him that if anything changed I would let his teacher know. He then asked me about this twenty more times. My heart races with the squeals and screams. I have to stay calm, I have to teach him to stay calm, I have to get him through the process. And I have to remind myself to breathe.
When Owen came home from school I did not meet all his expectations in my camo clothes. I had to cancel his vision therapy appointment because he saw me in camo when he got off the bus and started crying that I wasn’t in the cheetah dress he wanted me to wear. I was wearing camo this morning. We came inside and he started asking Alexa how to say he was mad at mommy in all the different languages. Owen told me that he was mad at me in four languages. I tried to distract him. I fixed his snack and kept talking to him. This only made him madder at me. He wanted to pour his milk on me and was screaming about it all. I told him that I would be wearing camo tomorrow too when I went for my infusion. I have a feeling there was more to all of it. Life is interesting. The screaming, crying, and all his emotions went on for some time.
I never imagined how many times I would have to fix the sheets on my bed in one night. He goes running into my room and plops his torso down on the end of my bed. Up and down he throws himself into it, getting the sensory input he needs. Generally, my sheets are off my bed on the first go round. He does the same thing with the couch, biting into it as he does it. His bed has a big tent over it so he can’t do it to his bed. This morning he told me that he needed to go to the sensory room and I only wished I had everything set up exactly as he needed. I can imagine how his body must feel with every single thing he has to process.
Every night he watches a video of someone cutting paper. He then asks me to “cut the paper with scissors blue thumb scissors please.” I never imagined how much joy he would get from cutting the paper with scissors. He loves doing arts and crafts now. I’m thankful for all he has accomplished and is learning.
As the night went on he told me he was sorry many times and hardly left my side. He hugged me all on his own once and I felt his emotions. My heart aches for how hard all this is. I could tell he was working through it and all I wanted to do was cry. I thought watching him have meltdowns when he was younger was hard but seeing him go through this now is heartbreaking to a whole new level. I keep thinking about how he told me yesterday he couldn’t wait to get a mushroom pizza after his appointment. I wish today were the day he expected instead of the day that it turned out to be. Each day I pray for more strength and for the knowledge to help us through moments like this. I was thankful by the end of the day he was calmer but my heart was still heavy. Be brave in the moment of challenges and let the sunshine enrich your days. Smiles to all and donut daze!
He was a mix of calm and anxiousness that exploded as the morning went on. He wanted to know what was happening today over and over again because he was riding the bus home since he didn’t have music therapy. He thought that his therapist had to take Labor Day off again and wanted to make sure no one else did. He also thought his vision doctor was going to cancel on him because of this so he was very concerned about everything. It is interesting how his brain thinks and it takes twenty steps forward on each change in his routine.
“Pay attention,” he yelled at me one more time. He holds on to every word he has ever heard for every reason. I was taking the trash bag out of the trash can and some of it fell onto the floor. I tried to explain to him that things like this happen constantly. But these are all things that make him so anxious. From there every single thing that happened caused him to get upset and be more concerned about his day. I told him that if anything changed I would let his teacher know. He then asked me about this twenty more times. My heart races with the squeals and screams. I have to stay calm, I have to teach him to stay calm, I have to get him through the process. And I have to remind myself to breathe.
When Owen came home from school I did not meet all his expectations in my camo clothes. I had to cancel his vision therapy appointment because he saw me in camo when he got off the bus and started crying that I wasn’t in the cheetah dress he wanted me to wear. I was wearing camo this morning. We came inside and he started asking Alexa how to say he was mad at mommy in all the different languages. Owen told me that he was mad at me in four languages. I tried to distract him. I fixed his snack and kept talking to him. This only made him madder at me. He wanted to pour his milk on me and was screaming about it all. I told him that I would be wearing camo tomorrow too when I went for my infusion. I have a feeling there was more to all of it. Life is interesting. The screaming, crying, and all his emotions went on for some time.
I never imagined how many times I would have to fix the sheets on my bed in one night. He goes running into my room and plops his torso down on the end of my bed. Up and down he throws himself into it, getting the sensory input he needs. Generally, my sheets are off my bed on the first go round. He does the same thing with the couch, biting into it as he does it. His bed has a big tent over it so he can’t do it to his bed. This morning he told me that he needed to go to the sensory room and I only wished I had everything set up exactly as he needed. I can imagine how his body must feel with every single thing he has to process.
Every night he watches a video of someone cutting paper. He then asks me to “cut the paper with scissors blue thumb scissors please.” I never imagined how much joy he would get from cutting the paper with scissors. He loves doing arts and crafts now. I’m thankful for all he has accomplished and is learning.
As the night went on he told me he was sorry many times and hardly left my side. He hugged me all on his own once and I felt his emotions. My heart aches for how hard all this is. I could tell he was working through it and all I wanted to do was cry. I thought watching him have meltdowns when he was younger was hard but seeing him go through this now is heartbreaking to a whole new level. I keep thinking about how he told me yesterday he couldn’t wait to get a mushroom pizza after his appointment. I wish today were the day he expected instead of the day that it turned out to be. Each day I pray for more strength and for the knowledge to help us through moments like this. I was thankful by the end of the day he was calmer but my heart was still heavy. Be brave in the moment of challenges and let the sunshine enrich your days. Smiles to all and donut daze!
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