I sit here holding my baby, dreaming of a moment when it won't be such a struggle for him to fall asleep. I think back when he was such a good sleeper and wonder why he has such a hard time going to sleep now. Does autism change the brain that much? Could it be something else or maybe I just haven't found the right rocking, butt taping and pacing combination.
I think about all the little movements he goes through every night, the struggles, the cries, the rolling, the emotions. I stew about it all. I ponder, I wonder and sometimes even think real hard, yet nothing changes the fact that my baby doesn't sleep. The nights that I wake up and he hasn't come running to me in the middle of the night I wonder what's wrong, I still go check on him to make sure everything is okay.
Sometimes I put him in my bed to start off with hoping this will help him fall asleep easier or stay asleep, that isn't the case though, sleep doesn't always happen. There are nights when sleeping is over at 2 am. He is just wide and so isn't mommy. I just want a little more sleep, just a little. If we could even get on the same sleep schedule that would be great or at least close to it.
Owen goes next week for more testing, an eeg and an mri. One he has to be sleep deprived and the other sedated. I wonder if sedation will be necessary after he is sleep deprived. I hope they find nothing but his cute little brain in there. I often wonder, even though the doctors don't think so, if my hemihypertrophy has anything to do with his brain stuff. Maybe he has two things, autism and other brain things. We will soon find out.
As I watch him tonight I hear his soft noises of rest, the peace that he has been looking for to turn his brain off even if it is just for a little while. I sit and pray that he grows out of these pains or these moments where he can't rest. I just want him to be able to sleep peacefully.
I think about all the little movements he goes through every night, the struggles, the cries, the rolling, the emotions. I stew about it all. I ponder, I wonder and sometimes even think real hard, yet nothing changes the fact that my baby doesn't sleep. The nights that I wake up and he hasn't come running to me in the middle of the night I wonder what's wrong, I still go check on him to make sure everything is okay.
Sometimes I put him in my bed to start off with hoping this will help him fall asleep easier or stay asleep, that isn't the case though, sleep doesn't always happen. There are nights when sleeping is over at 2 am. He is just wide and so isn't mommy. I just want a little more sleep, just a little. If we could even get on the same sleep schedule that would be great or at least close to it.
Owen goes next week for more testing, an eeg and an mri. One he has to be sleep deprived and the other sedated. I wonder if sedation will be necessary after he is sleep deprived. I hope they find nothing but his cute little brain in there. I often wonder, even though the doctors don't think so, if my hemihypertrophy has anything to do with his brain stuff. Maybe he has two things, autism and other brain things. We will soon find out.
As I watch him tonight I hear his soft noises of rest, the peace that he has been looking for to turn his brain off even if it is just for a little while. I sit and pray that he grows out of these pains or these moments where he can't rest. I just want him to be able to sleep peacefully.
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