Sometimes I feel like I should write the words "Dear Diary," when I start writing about our day. I remember so many of my early childhood moments and that was one, writing in my diary. I often wonder what Owen's memories will be like. Will he remember tonight as I sat here holding him and him trying to pry my mouth open so he could see my "teef"th.
What is it like to be trapped in your body and not be able to say what you want? How does it feel to not speak the words you want to speak? When does speech catch up to his knowledge? When does his knowledge catch up to the movements he makes? When does his brain get a break? More questions than answers.
I sit and wonder so much about my son. Some nights I just have to sit and hold him for an hour to make sure he is completely asleep before I lay him down in bed. He struggles with nighttime so much. It is like something goes off in his body to actually turn his body on. His body becomes this whirlwind all in itself. He can't seem to calm down his limbs or rest his brain. Like he saved up all day just to have this energy burst for bed.
The doctor said try melatonin. I did and I don't think it was what Owen needed. It seems like he was having more outbursts with it. He would scream for 20 or thirty minutes straight when he would wake up in the middle of the night. Since I stopped giving him the melatonin he doesn't go to sleep as quickly and still wakes up a lot at night but it seems like the night terrors or screams are gone.
I just can't help but wonder, as I sit and watch my baby finally find some rest for the night, what is it that makes him fight sleep so much. Maybe it truly isn't fighting sleep so much as it is something that kicks in and won't allow him to sleep. Oh how I wish I knew. This momma will sit and hold her baby as long as it takes.
What is it like to be trapped in your body and not be able to say what you want? How does it feel to not speak the words you want to speak? When does speech catch up to his knowledge? When does his knowledge catch up to the movements he makes? When does his brain get a break? More questions than answers.
I sit and wonder so much about my son. Some nights I just have to sit and hold him for an hour to make sure he is completely asleep before I lay him down in bed. He struggles with nighttime so much. It is like something goes off in his body to actually turn his body on. His body becomes this whirlwind all in itself. He can't seem to calm down his limbs or rest his brain. Like he saved up all day just to have this energy burst for bed.
The doctor said try melatonin. I did and I don't think it was what Owen needed. It seems like he was having more outbursts with it. He would scream for 20 or thirty minutes straight when he would wake up in the middle of the night. Since I stopped giving him the melatonin he doesn't go to sleep as quickly and still wakes up a lot at night but it seems like the night terrors or screams are gone.
I just can't help but wonder, as I sit and watch my baby finally find some rest for the night, what is it that makes him fight sleep so much. Maybe it truly isn't fighting sleep so much as it is something that kicks in and won't allow him to sleep. Oh how I wish I knew. This momma will sit and hold her baby as long as it takes.
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