The last few days Owen has felt like he was on edge. Any little change can set him off. His words are a constant repeat that can go on for hours. “Grandpa’s not gonna”, he starts. Depending on how I look, act, or what I say determines his next actions and reactions. And the rules change. He started again, “Grandpa’s not gonna”, but this time he went on with his foot tapping the ground, “get in the”. He hung the sentence open again. “Grandpa’s not gonna get in the” over and over and over and over he said it. I’m not sure how many times you can say it in an hour’s time but he said it. “No Grandpa’s not going to get in the car”, I said. I had said this numerous times, not as many as he had said it but enough times. That was all he needed. He could process it and move forward. The screaming drains you. Both of us. All I can think is how can I help my baby find calm. When he got home from school we had a few errands to run. He didn’t like any of the directions I was going. “You didn’t go straight”, he yelled out. “Turn right at the building”, he went on. He finally calmed down when I was on the highway but as soon as I got off he went straight into a meltdown. I begged the Lord again for calm to wash over him. It’s so hard emotionally to hear him scream just for the direction I’m driving. Sure, maybe there is more but how do I know, how do I help him. He can’t express it. I got him his requested chicken nuggets hoping this would help him calm down but all it did was make him mad about them not closing their window and me having to open ours. When we got home he ate almost all of them, calmed down for the most part, and we got him ready for bed. As soon as he got into bed he started saying and repeating “blanket please” and didn’t stop until he was almost asleep. His blanket was on him and he would throw it off, pull it back up, and scream again. I moved and the process started all over again. He fell asleep talking about where we were not turning. I pray for sleep and a calm night for him. My heart focuses on his laughter as he stood at the bus stop asking Siri how to say buffalo in Russian. Never give up on the hope for tomorrow. You are not alone. Smiles to all and donut daze!
I'm Lynn Browder. Owen's Mommy. The best moments in time are when I get to see the smile on his face and that giggle come from his heart.