When Emotions Get You Thursday

Owen was upset, because his week hasn’t gone according to plan. School is supposed to be happening, his church program ended last week, and he can’t go where he wants, when he wants. It rocks my emotions, too. I have to breathe. Every morning he wakes up asking for his teacher. Every morning I tell him it’s spring break. I don’t even want to think about summer break. Hopefully, he will go to summer school again, but the thought of him not going to school every day has my heart already aching for him. He loves school, he loves the routine of it. I love it for him. Last night, and this morning, were really rough for us. He couldn’t settle. He needed sensory input, a lot of sensory input. He sat next to me, took his hand, and started tapping his own leg. He then grabbed my hand, and pushed it in the air. He doesn’t have the words to tell me what he wants, but he has the emotions, and motions to explain it. I take my hand, making a loose fist, and lift his foot, lightly, I will tap the bottom of his foot, moving up, and down, across it. After that foot is done, I move to his other one, repeating the same actions. I move on to joint compressions, and using the ball of my hand to rub his muscles. He likes this done for his feet, ankles, legs, knees, and arms. He loves the compressions at his hands, but not his elbows. For his upper arms, he prefers the tapping method, almost like what I do on the bottom of his feet, but softer. I’m thankful that he can explain this to me now. When I first started doing the compressions for him, he wanted nothing to do with them. Then one day, he took my hand, put it on his foot, and said, “piggy market”. I thought at first he wanted me to go through the nursery rhyme game with him, but quickly realized he kept doing it until I started tapping his feet. I’m thankful this brings him comfort, but in the same breath my emotions soar to the top of the charts. Why does it have to be so hard for my baby. He fell asleep relatively quickly last night, but he tossed, and turned in his waking moments before his body could even settle. Then it seemed like he was at peace with himself. He’s been sleeping through the night. I still wake at night, listening for his every move. One second at a time, one moment at a time, one day at a time, I remind myself. Today is a brand new day. Remind yourself of how far you have come, never give up, and make today matter. Smiles to all and donut daze!